By Andreas Cvetkovic Destounis
I’ve been struggling with mental illness for a large part of my life. Both depression and anxiety have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. During my worse periods I’ve self-harmed and been suicidal. Today I can say that I’m happy for the first time in a very long time. I don’t want to say I’m completely free from anxiety, because I would be lying. But I’m happier than before, and even though I still today get anxious, I am free from depression and anxiety is not nearly at the extant it used to be.
But how did I get here? I have been to therapy several times, but it didn’t really help. Often times I would wonder why and even feel guilty over being depressed and anxious. Because I lived my life just as our modern society expected me to and I have everything our modern society tells us we need to be happy. Money, an education, a job, material possessions, everything. And also, our modern society tells us that it’s the best one that has ever been, and that we are happier than ever before. So why, then, am I not happy? Why do I self-harm? Why do I so often feel that life is just not worth living? All this while living up to society’s criteria for being happy, in the supposedly best and happiest time that has ever been. And at the time I sincerely believed that this was the case, we were the best and happiest time that has ever been.
The first time I started doubting that we live in such a great society, and maybe therefore I shouldn’t feel guilty over being depressed, was when I read the book Lost connections by Johann Hari. In the book Hari, who has suffered from depression for several years while growing up, argues that it’s actually our modern society that makes us unhappy and depressed. It’s because of the way we live. To even think that the way we live in the modern world might have something to do with my depression had never occurred to me before. It was the first time I started questioning our modern society, and started doubting what I’d been told so often, that our modern society today is the best one ever.
I later read the books The healing land by Rupert Isaacson, Affluence without abundance by James Suzman and Child of the jungle by Sabine Kuegler. The first two books are about the Bushmen of the Kalahari Desert. They are about their traditional way of life. They are also about the life of misery that they live today, because the modern way of life, which is supposedly the best, has been forced on them. In the third book, Child of the jungle by Sabine Kuegler, Kuegler writes about her upbringing. Her parents are German, but she grew up, from the age of 5 to 17, in the jungles of New Guinea where she lived with an indigenous tribe. Kuegler also explains her life, at the age of 17, when she moved to Europe, and her difficulties adapting to the modern society.
These three books taught me a lot about happiness. It made me realise that what our modern society teaches us about happiness and wellbeing is wrong. Also, I realised that all the good things that our modern society tells us about itself are also not true. It’s not true that our modern society is the best one and the happiest one that there has ever been. It’s not true that if a society embraces modernity, its people become happy. On the contrary. Our modern individualistic doesn’t make us happy. Our modern society that makes us think we are above nature and not part of it doesn’t make us happy. Our modern society that makes us work at least 40 hours per week doesn’t make us happy. But the societies, like the Bushmen of the Kalahari Desert who have traditionally lived a simple life in nature, are way happier than us. And when our modern lifestyle have been forced on them, their lives have turned into misery.
With this realisation, things started to fall into place. I don’t have to feel guilty or find it strange that I’m depressed anymore. And I could change the way I live to make my life happier. I spend more time with loved ones. I spend more time in nature. I spend more time exercising. I find it ok to do something I enjoy for a living, even though the job doesn’t require a PHD. I’ve chosen to write for a living. And today I’m a much happier person for that.
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I have found out that disconnecting with social media has made me a happier person. I say that to say this. I hope you keep writing. Use it as a tool, a method, an outlet. I almost forgot about writing as it has guided me through tough times. As soon my thoughts touch the paper, I realize that no matter what I write, writing saves me from the world and even myself.
I’m getting ready to disconnect from social media my self for 21 days as I do the Daniel fast. No sugar. No bread, meat or food I like. However, it is an opportunity to grow spiritually, mentally.
Writing and disconnecting from social media definitely helps!
So true😪
I agree with you. Cutting down my social media time has helped me a lot too.
This is a great testimony. One day at a time to make progress. Praying for you…
Absolutely agree thank you!
I really enjoyed your perspective. Good read.
Glad you enjoyed the post!
This spoke to me. I used to live in a very isolated, somewhat un-modern, area. I have had much difficulty adapting, and I don’t believe I had read/heard about others with a similar experience. Thank you, and best wishes!
Glad you enjoyed the post thank you!
Honestly there are many days I prefer being depressed simply because I enjoy the sadness of it, especially while creating during it.
Which that right there is the same reason why when I get sick or whatever like that I am like perfect, more depression to feed off from to create whatever art.
It’s all about life perspective in the end.
Absolutely perspective is important!
I’m madly in love with it…🤣
💙💙💙 this is great. I’ve long felt all this. Respect that you listened to your heart and changed things for the better based on those solid principles!
Glad you enjoyed the post!
It takes a lot of work to be happy for some of us, Im very happy you got there.
Glad you enjoyed the post!
Thank you for sharing.
I started blogging to share my pain, struggles and blessings to encourage others and to be encouraged by others like you. I express myself better in ✍️.
A lot of people find that they are better at writing their feelings instead of talking about them. I’m glad you found an outlet for yourself.
Hi Pooja, Really appreciate you sharing your journey through this. Giving yourself all the time and nurturing your soul is most important aspects that we, in a fast moving world forget to do frequently. It’s a beautifully written blog. Best wishes for future content!!!
Glad you enjoyed the post thank you!
Honestly, it starts with you and sometimes it’s not the external world that increases depression but maybe the internal status of our well being, because for me it was more of what I has unable to deal with internally and my own mind became an enemy in my own body…. and just like you I had everything but in my cause growing up in a family that didn’t believe in therapy just made it worse.
But all aside Im on my journey of healing and a huge congratulations to you for faces your struggles head on …✌🏽👏🏽
I absolutely agree with you and I wish you best of luck on your journey!
Brilliant article Pooja, I love that you’ve read these lovely books and learned about ‘true’ happiness like those who have traditionally lived a simple life in nature, are way happier than us.
Our modern lifestyle really is the problem. and people are miserable — they want more (of what?), they want better (than who), and they want it all now!
No wonder our young people become depressed and anxious — our glossy magazines with their beautiful models who are all spot-free, glossy haired and have ridiculously white teeth. Magazines with stunning kitchens that cost the price of a house in some areas.
Looks like you’ve done the right thing Poojah 🙂
Our lifestyle definitely does not help and social media and what we see in magazines definitely makes it worse. Thanks for your comment!
Expectations only purpose is to lose appreciation do yourself the favour of living with no expectations. Do what you will with the expectation of nothing in return, in other words you can never become frustrated with someone you have no control over. Rest assured your forgiveness serves all. We are all on a learning curve. To cut to the chase we all love each other we don’t need to earn that love it is forever there. Don’t ever be humble because you are important & rest assured we are all equal.
I agree, you’re right. Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed when you don’t get it 🙂
Very inspiring!🙏
Glad you enjoyed the post!
very interesting article.
Thank you!
We do probably have a genetic connection to depression, which is due to lack of the hormone Serotonin. Do you have family members who are affected? This plus our current society can create a precarious balance for sensitive souls. You are taking the most positive steps possible to deal with the situation. You will strengthen as you grow!
Thank you so much and I think mine is more nurture over nature but working on it helps!
Expectations only purpose is to lose appreciation do yourself the favour of living with no expectations. Do what you will with the expectation of nothing in return, in other words you can never become frustrated with someone you have no control over. Rest assured your forgiveness serves all. We are all on a learning curve. To cut to the chase we all love each other we don’t need to earn that love it is forever there. Don’t ever be humble because you are important & rest assured we are all equal.
I totally agree.
Expression of yourself through writing helps
It really does!
writing = self therapy
Agreed!
right,
guess I also need to read that book
Same here! For the longest time having depression and anxiety, It felt like I don’t even know when or how will I start getting better. I’m seeing a therapist but unfortunately it doesn’t help with my depression. Then I started searching for ways and engaging in forums hoping to find answers to my questions. And now I’m here! After reading your post it gave me a little push to become better, maybe I need to read that book by Johann Haris to finally understand and realize why am I depressed. Thanks a bunch and I’m happy for your continuous recovery.
Yeah a lot of people feel that seeing a therapist or taking medication isn’t enough. It’s better to get to the root of what’s bothering you.
Really great way of expression. Well penned 👌👌👌
Glad you enjoyed it!
I really enjoyed this post. I loved reading the lost connections book. Society is flawed in many ways and it is definitely making us depressed. We just have to fight to make it better.
Glad you enjoyed the post and I definitely agree!
While reading story of your life I was feeling like I was reading mine. I have observed that when I help others, it makes me happy. So I am trying to spread happiness and positivity through my blog. Now I feel true happiness.
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Yes, sure I will. Thnx.
I have you in my prayers! Also, my sister has gone through something similar so I have written about it a bit. You can read it if you want if it helps you in any way. https://mybookofhonour.wordpress.com/2020/04/20/i-was-here-gayle-forman-reviews-views-on-mental-health/
Thanks for sharing I’m sure the writer will find it helpful!
Such a wonderful post! Keeping things simple can definitely give you less stress in life and create happiness. Reading the bible can also make you happy. And It can give you peace and a sure hope.🌸
Mathew 5:3-Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need. Since the kingdom of the heavens belongs to them.
Psalms 83:18-May people know that you, who’s name is Jehovah, you alone are the most high over all the earth.
Jeremiah 29:11-For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking of you, declares Jehovah. Thoughts of peace and not of calamity. To give you a future and a hope.
Psalms 37:11-But the meek will possess the earth, And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.
Great to hear your story, thanks for being open and honest. True and it is a truth. So many thoughts and idea s this modern society teaching us about happiness is not right. Joy is the inner thing and happiness is on the surface things. If you have Joy ! You have everything , you are at peace with yours and the world around you. Not a joy this world offers but a kind of Joy from above.
Glad you enjoyed the post!