Guest Posts

Unrealistic Relationship Goals

by Pooja G

By AD
A conversation to set clear expectations of what you’re looking for should take place early on when you first start to talk to a person so the two of you can be on the same page. Yet, unrealistic goals can end a potential relationship before it even starts.

Relationship Ultimatum One Week After Talking

  • It’s one thing to give a person an ultimatum to decide whether they want to be in an exclusive relationship with you when the two of you been talking on a regular for about 3 months. However, it’s unrealistic to give an ultimatum in less than a week, when the person is likely to still be trying know you more, since they haven’t spent much time around you.

Demands To Become A Top Priority Almost Overnight In Their Life

  • If an individual wants to know more about you, they should be able to find a way to set aside some time for you, no matter how busy they might be. Still, you can’t expect everyone you initially meet to make it a priority overnight for their life to evolve around you. I say that because most people got key friends and family they have been knowing for years already before you entered the picture.

What are some other unrealistic goals that you feel some people set when they first start talking to someone?
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77 thoughts on “Unrealistic Relationship Goals”

  2. These are very valid points. While the *eventual* goal is to become first in one another’s lives, it is incredibly self-centered to assume you should take priority immediately. Priority (and trust) must be earned.

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  4. Judgment of a person by appearance is unwise. However while we should always be respectful of others in our meeting together some caution is good as only time will reveal what that person is like and if they will make a reliable friend or partner.

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  9. Communication is the most important part of any relationship. Be it with friends, family, or our partner. This will not mean we will agree with each other all the time. It will mean being willing to engage in productive discussion when we don’t.
    This posts touches on discussion that will be incredibly beneficial for many people. Thank you for sharing it.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the post! Yes I absolutely agree especially about not always agreeing. I think when people don’t learn to communicate that’s when relationships start falling apart.

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  11. Great post and thanks for sharing it. I agree, you can’t make someone priority number one after a night or two. We need time to get to know someone and take it from someone from knows as I’ve been in relationships where the guys have expected this almost immediately. These relationships never ended well 😉

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  14. Another unrealistic relationship goal most people try to obtain (including myself in the past😅) is that it should always be smooth. No rough phases or problems, I’ve now realized that it’s not entirely possible and that relationships are bound to have problems and the people involved should be able to solve them together. I think this is what most people tend to forget when they see couples who have been dating for over 2 years or so.

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    1. Yes absolutely! We always look for the perfect person but there are obviously no perfect people. There are bound to be disagreements, arguments and rough phases- that’s just a normal relationship- before you get to a comfortable place.

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  15. Great post and I also found it funny with such expectations like an ultimatum at 3 mo. in.
    The biggest problem in relationships are when people to start expecting you to react a certain way or trying to take ownership and forgetting people are separate from each other.

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    1. When I wrote that, it was actually based off of me being given an ultimatum of less than two weeks twice before by two different women… lol .

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    2. Yes!! I have had that problem with so many relationships I’ve been in and it’s probably the main reason I’ve broken up with some of my partners. People need to understand that we are all separate people. Thanks for the comment!

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    1. Correct… Some people do make a person priority number one overnight, but that not the case with everybody who interested in knowing you more…

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    2. Yes exactly- it’s super selfish! I mean we are all someone before we get into a relationship and it’s wrong of people to assume that we will fully change our life for them.

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    1. Awwww, sorry to hear that. I definitely plan to write about more relationship topics moving forward still that I hope you find just as helpful and good as this one.

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  23. Even in a relationship, each person has personal space, if that gets invaded it may turn out to be a mess. A relationship needs proper time and open communication.🙂

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  24. All week, I decided to have fake relationship fights with friends that were so petty you couldn’t laugh at it.
    One I acted hurt she went to Greece in 2009 without even inviting me even though we didn’t even know each other. It’s fun to make fun of normal relationship problems by making it obviously ridiculous.
    Bad flirting or pick up lines that are SO bad you know it’s not real. I do, however, have pretty high relationship goals that no one will probably ever live up to if I actually said what they were. OR, I’m just aware of what I’m looking for.

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    1. Lol sometimes it’s fun to mess around for sure!
      I have very high standards/goals too for someone who is literally the worst in relationships. I think I just know exactly what kind of person I’m looking for.

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      1. I wouldn’t say I’ve always been picky, any relationship could work. But I was in a long relationship that I just assumed would get better; it got worse and messed up pretty much everything I ever wanted to do with life. lol. I wouldn’t say picky, per se.. just cautious. Right now (and as it has been) I’m more about money than anything else because everything I want to do in life requires money. Shocker! I’m still rebuilding that mess. Through that I’d say I’m becoming more picky. That may be more recent because I think I’m more aware I want someone more like me than different; I used to think different was good because it breaks my comfort zone and balances me out. Sure, that’s good, but too different leaves little to no common ground and I don’t want to be the person bending to adapt where my life goals/ambitions are set off to the side (potentially) permanently. The last attempt at trying a relationship was others looking at that for years thinking I’m that way to play the field. I don’t play fields.
        I’m generally (historically) reluctant to get into relationships and end up in them when the other person is forceful about it where I’m not thinking.
        One of my best friends only really does causal non committed relationships and said I needed to learn to do that and I just laughed it off; even if I tried that I get attached to people. I couldn’t do that. But she ended up meeting a guy she’d commit to and she’d been in relationships with his friends which made it blow up.
        That’s one of the many reasons to not do that… she told me recently she suggested that because she had a crush for a long time and eased off when she knew that would completely destroy the friendship. Damn right it would.. 😂
        I can be somewhat self absorbed in a non self absorbed way (if that makes sense). I’m in my head a lot. Same mindset and complimentary goals is kind of a must. Appearance and stuff makes little difference but I apparently have had it with white women.. I usually don’t have any preferences like that, but I really do kind of eye roll at white women lately. Too high maintenance.. I’m stereotyping but it’s just being stupid/funny.

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        1. I’m quite cautious too. I haven’t had awful experiences in the past but I’ve had bad enough experiences that I am kind of wary of who I date. I don’t mind casual relationships but I do tend to get attached so it can be difficult sometimes. If I feel forced in a relationship I end it. I don’t like being told what to do.

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          1. I can bulk this with a lot in other comments I’ll answer. I actually semi trolled someone on here which is a first and hopefully last.. here’s why..
            One of my friends is a psychiatrist and she met my ex (whom I referred to) without knowing who she was and said “she’s borderline..” we already broke up by then but she was dating one of my friends friends; she was 😳about her. I disagreed but later (after pondering) said yeah but not on the “disorder” spectrum per se..
            What’s that have to do with trolling? My other mentioned friend is so casual because she has PTSD and that attracts her weak spot which is narcissistic personality disorders and sociopaths. Her last serious relationship was with a clinical sociopath. My weak blind spot can be said as being borderline because I’m a sucker for a sad story and want to help the person. I wouldn’t say they’re manipulative, I don’t think it’s conscious and really do feel what they say even if it’s not true or real. I think BPD would be hell on earth to have.. the person set off red flags and the only way to would to push buttons. There are a few bloggers I suspect being borderline and some that are; I hold no judgement. Some blogs kind of thrive off acting like one. 😂
            Is the person reaching out for help, just to get feelings out, or manipulating for attention?
            That wasn’t a dating situation, that’s just caution over who may be adopted as a friend. Nothing against anyone with BPD but I just accept i can’t help them because it just defects to the next thing in circles.
            That’s actually how I ended up “forced” in a relationship because, very early on, I felt it wasn’t going to work out and I didn’t want to hurt her. “This person has been through so much — I don’t want to add more to it..”
            I’ve done kinda casual twice and it wasn’t exactly fulfilling where I felt it served much of a purpose. If I felt it served a purpose I’d get attached. Physical parts of a relationship I can kinda go by without, but really connecting with someone is when it’s not casual. You never know..
            what tends to happen in relationships beyond just that story is that I make people insecure because I don’t pay that much attention to people. “I feel like we’re best friends!” “Yeah, I’d hope so.”

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          2. Did you just admit to casual sex?
            🤔 I’ve never been to Canada.. I’d have to take a month off of work because of quarantine regulations.. lol
            You put something bad in my head. I’ve had casual with friends a couple of times which was weird for very different reasons. It’s an interesting hypothetical of if that’s something I could do (just hypothetically without anyone in mind), but I’d hate ending up meeting my ideal person somehow involved with that OR getting attached. I don’t think I have the attachment issues nearly as bad as I used to.

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  25. Wow where was this post years ago 🤣 I feel like nowadays it’s like you need to have someone or something is wrong with you. So we force things that take time. Great post as always!

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    1. Yes there is so much pressure but honestly you’ll find the one when you do you shouldn’t feel bad if you’re single for a bit!

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