Today I wanted to talk about something that used to cause a lot of anxiety and depression for me but now I think of it as taking out the trash.
I was reading this post yesterday by Chanél and found it extremely relatable. Please take a minute to read it if you can, it’ll help make more sense of this post. Anyway, what I found relatable was how she talked about fixating on the actions of others and not understanding why someone would intentionally do something that would hurt others. I was the same way, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I’m someone who tries to treat others how I would want to be treated and yet there have been a lot of people in my life that have not treated me as they treat themselves. A couple of incidents stand out to me. I wanted to share them with you today.
Incident #1
The first incident is one that really hurt. I’ve since tried to process and move past it. But it really changed me and how I show up for others.
This happened around the same time last year. I was trying to have a conversation with someone when they snapped at and were like “can you just get to the point already?” I was so hurt and taken aback because this was someone I had listened to for HOURS because that’s the kind of relationship I thought we had. It really disillusioned me in so many ways because although they apologised after that incident, I began noticing things I had missed before. Not to mention the apology was a “I’m sorry but…” sort of apology. They were constantly talking over me, tuning out when the conversation had to do with something about my life, forgetting important things I had mentioned.
What hurt most was that I would never treat them the way they treated me. I eventually found out they were talking behind my back and lying/exaggerating a lot of stuff.
Learning this hurt a lot at the time but I’ve since then been able to completely distance myself and I think it was for the best. It helped me understand where I stood. I no longer needed to go out of my way for them.
Incident #2
The second thing happened recently and I think I’m well adjusted now for it not to bother me at all really. A cousin who resides in another country visited after quite a while. Of course, everyone was excited to see her. However, I talked to my other cousins (we’re all first cousins) and realised that this person brought back gifts for literally everyone except my family. And this is someone I used to get stuff for every time I came back from Canada. I went out of my way to help them when they were looking for unis etc.
The sad part is, I wasn’t even surprised because in the recent years this persons behaviour had really changed. And not in a good way.
Taking Out The Trash
Why am I talking about these incidents? It’s not for pity or sympathy, I have no need for either. I’m sharing this post because I’ve had so many incidents like this one in the last couple of years. And last year in particular. I’ve realised that when we begin setting strong boundaries, some people aren’t going to like that and will act out due to it. And some people just grow up and change. Which is fine, everyone is different.
But for me, when someone behaves badly towards me I take note of it now. And when there’s a pattern of it, I’m actually thankful. Because I see it as the universe taking out the trash for me. I’m able to see the signs and set boundaries accordingly instead of always going out of my way for people. People who are neither thankful nor giving me the same energy back.
So next time someone behaves badly towards you or does something hurtful, try thinking of it as taking out the trash. Be thankful you saw their true colours.
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