On my last post, I talked a little bit about how narcissistic behaviour from a family member has affected my life. And today I want to share a little more about that but perhaps a more positive aspect of my healing journey. Yes, I still have bad days but I’m also in a much better place than I was and that is something worth talking about. I wanted to use this post to talk about how I am finally allowing myself to feel again.
For the longest time, I was forced to put myself and my feelings on the back burner because I was constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to trigger my narcissistic sibling. In fact, I didn’t realise at the time but I had shut down so much of myself in the process.
Like with what happened the other day that really upset me, back in the day I would have blamed myself, I would have called my justified reaction an overreaction, I would have even apologised. But not anymore. I will no longer be apologising for my emotions. If someone hurts you, if someone tries to manipulate those around them, blame others for their shortcomings, I’m allowed to get upset, I’m allowed to get angry, and I’m allowed to defend myself.
Allowing myself to feel again means feeling the negative emotions as well. But that’s okay. They’re there for a reason. I never want to be numb again.
Have you ever dealt with a narcissist?
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