How To Irritate People
For some unknown reason I find it weirdly satisfying to make people feel extremely uncomfortable in my presence. At first I did it unintentionally but watching people squirm was just way too much fun. So without further ado, here is how to irritate people around you:
Pretend you don’t understand what they’re saying
When someone that you don’t particularly want to talk to or you just want to see squirm asks you something or even talks to you just keep going “huh?”, “sorry?”, “what?” Keep asking until the person goes considerably red in the face. The classic “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English” or “Sorry I don’t understand English” also works quite well- especially on teachers.
Talk with a fake accent
Be it a British, Irish, Indian, Chinese or even Russian accent, it is sure to irk friends and family (for great results you may want to consider doing this at family reunions filled with adult relatives). Another great way to use a fake accent is when you’re out for a meal and you loudly make plans to destroy things with a fake Russian or German accent. This will make everyone around you noticeably uncomfortable.
Pay with coins
Why use notes when you can waste everyone’s time by pulling out all those coins you’ve been saving for just this kind of occasion. By using this technique in a queue not only will you irritate the person you’re giving the change to you will also irritate everyone behind you waiting in line. It’s a win-win situation!
Reply only with “right?”
Every time someone makes the mistake of talking to you reply with “right?” (Preferably in an annoyingly squeaky and slow Kardashian voice). Make sure you say it like a question and after every single sentence the other person says.
Shout random numbers when someone’s counting
When someone (preferably someone serious and authoritative) is counting be sure to shout out random numbers at random moments. This also works great at school when your teacher is in a hurry or just in a bad mood. You may want to try this on your parents too- the aftermath is great!
Wear your clothes backwards
This is sure to annoy almost everyone you know- particularly your neat-freak friends and family members. To heighten the effect you can add the classic wear the wrong shoe on the wrong foot. This will drive even the normal people you mingle with insane.
Slurp while you drink
Preferably as loudly as humanly possible. Slurp to your heart’s content as you receive dirty looks from everyone around you and the people you’re sitting with beg you to stop. This is a great way of getting rid of some friends and family members that are beginning to annoy you. This also works when you’re trying to get someone’s attention but they are not responding- just get as close to them as you’re legally allowed to and slurp away. You may want to pair the slurping with loudly chewing things or loudly blowing your nose.
Talk on the phone as loudly as possible
When you see someone engrossed in a book or in a conversation or maybe someone just has a headache, stand annoyingly close to them and shout over the phone- like literally scream and yell (try this in a fake accent too!). The important thing to remember here is do not stop no matter how much the other person begs or threatens you.
So these are the ways I personally find most effective. I hope this taught you how to irritate people and consequently made the world a little worse off than it was. Tell me down in the comments how you like to annoy the people around you and don’t forget to like and follow!
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