I Love The Person I’ve Become

I love the person I've become
And I look forward to the person I'll be
But some days I weep for the girl I was
She was filled with flaws
And far from perfect
But she was so innocent and trusting
She had hopes and dreams
She was ready to believe that the world was hers to conquer
She didn't realise that the world would conquer her
I look back at her and I can't help but to loathe this new me
When did I let the world break me
And turn me into a jaded conformist
With every part of me that changed
A part of my soul died with it
Little by little my lust for life disappeared
I used to fight to be anything other than normal
And now I just bow down and surrender to normalcy
I'm not the walrus, I'm not the eggman
I'm not Lola, I'm not the apeman
I've become comfortably numb
I love the person I've become
But she'll never be as good as who I was

I don’t want to dumb this poem on you guys and dip so I’ll just explain a little about what I was thinking when I wrote this poem. It was very late at night, I had woken up for a drink of water and this kind of just came to me. I think it’s because over the last few days I have been thinking a lot about my past as well as my future. And going back to who I was as a teenager really brought out stronger emotions in me than I thought they would. As a teenager I had such big dreams and it’s kind of a slap in the face knowing that I am slowly becoming a cliché adult. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love who I am now. I have grown so much and I am so much happier than I ever was as a teenager but there are some parts of me that I’ve lost along the way that I wish I hadn’t. I guess it’s just that I’ve been so used to living with my head in the clouds it feels weird having to come down now and get back to real life.

The last part of the poem is just a reference to some of my favourite songs from the 60’s and 70’s. As you guys know I absolutely love music from that era and listen to it all the time so I end up thinking about the lyrics very often and they pop into my head a lot. If you can name the songs I’ve referenced and who they’re by you’ll win this cake emoji 🍰 (Actual cake may differ, terms and conditions apply)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this poem. It’s a bit dark but it’s what I was thinking and you guys know that I always try to keep it real on here. If I’m thinking it I’ll probably share it. It doesn’t mean I’m in a dark place at all though- I’m very happy and satisfied with who I am as an adult. I think I just need to stop comparing teenage me and adult me because they are two separate people at this point. And that’s okay because that’s how you grow!

I want to end this post on a happier note so I’ll share this song which always makes me feel better:

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114 thoughts on “I Love The Person I’ve Become

  1. It is so amazing to reach that point in your life! I have found the further away I get from my teens, the better things get. So happy for you!

  2. This was awesome! Thanks for sharing. I know Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, that’s the only one I could pick out. The subject was very relatable and I’ve had many nights recently of staying up and wondering how I could change so much. The part about remorsing over a piece of yourself that has been left behind, the world getting the best of you and turning you into someone who seeks to follow the rules instead of break them, I go thru those all the time. It’s good to remember that stuff in my opinion, it keeps us on our toes and reminds us to not be such cliché adults. Thanks for the thoughts and words!

    1. Thank you and you’re right it is Comfortably Numb 🍰

      It’s nice to know that you get how I feel and I’m not alone in feeling that way. It’s amazing that we change so much over time but it can also be sad when you realise that you’re no longer the person you used to be and that certain parts you loved are gone too. Definitely reminds us not be cliché adults. Thanks!

      1. Definitely, like you said we can be happy with who We’ve become, living better, healthier, but definitely it sucks to lose the pieces of ourselves we really like. I try to think of it as that was me and if I really miss being a certain way it’s still inside, I just have to dig it out again!

  3. Hey, no worries! I think I’ve gone through quite a few transformations throughout my life, sometimes moving ahead and sometimes circling back to some old interests! As long as you’re expressing your truest self in this moment of reality! We adapt and grow with life’s changing circumstances! I was a young girl, then a young woman, then a newlywed, then a stay at home mom, then a busy back to work mom, then a single mom, and then quite suddenly it seemed I became a grandma! I was different through each phase because each phase demanded a different me and different skills! Roll with it!

  4. wonderful poem. change is inevetiable, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. It seems like overall, your changes are a net positive – so congrats… and I loved the musical references at the end…

    1. Thank you and glad you enjoyed the references! Yup change is inevitable and for the most part I’m happy with it but sometimes I miss the old me I guess.

              1. so many good songs, but here are a couple I enjoy: Against the Wind (which is where that line comes from) and Night Moves. And if you re familiar with the opening scene from Risky Business with Tom Cruise singing in his underwear, the song he is singing is a Bob Seger song…

  5. Amazingly beautiful poem 🙌
    Remember, you’re under no obligation to be the same person who you were 5 minutes ago. 👌

  6. As the format disrupted. It doesn’t look like a poem. These are the clear words you are saying to you.

    When we judge ourselves or the friends judge us, irrespective of accepting the present we look back at our past, & the future plays an important role in what we’re going to act the next.

    You’re lucky to have people who read, understand, relate and suggests you. You’re also brave enough to share your feelings & thought openly.

    I wish you good luck. 👍
    This is the same Pooja, I met when I first visited your blog.

    1. Sorry about the format but glad you were still able to understand it.

      I totally agree with you and I am definitely very lucky to be surrounded by all you wonderful people.

      Thanks so much! 😊

  7. We do tend to keep changing over the years. It’s quite natural to feel this way. This is so raw, relatable and beautiful. I’m sure it must have been cathartic for you. Take care, Pooja

  8. I think, most people like their childhood and teenage as we make most of our memories in that phase. We feel connected to old us, therefore, when we grow up and change, we may not like new us.

  9. Yes, your poem reminds me of William Wordsworth who likes to say that the light in his childhood disappears after he grows up. It’s so true. The growing up process is filled with forces that try to influence and mold and convert, often making us into someone different, but I guess good or bad, this is inevitable. All cultures and institutions (family included) have a way of transforming people into certain shapes.

    1. I understand that feeling- it does sometimes feel like the light disappears as we get older. Yes, we really do transform a lot as adults and to an extent we are forced to change and conform.

  10. In the natural order of things, every seed must surrender itself to being burst open before it strive for fuller version of our child self. And imo, what we really mourn is our lost sense of… innocents.

  11. Its so relatable we all get these phases where we think about our future and our past. Sending you lots of hugs. You are a very happy go lucky person. Even I feel like writing something dark with a disclaimer that I’m happy its totally fine.🧿♥️♥️✨💋

  12. It’s sad to see how you perceived yourself back then, but I think it’s normal to some degree too. Nonetheless, it’s a great poem. Far better than I could do.

    Unintentional poetry for the win! 😀

    1. Thank you so much! Yeah I think we all feel this way sometimes and it’s hard to let go of certain things but you need to in order to grow up and get on with your life.

      Lol yesss unintentional poetry for the win!

  13. You assume that the teen self was better than the adult self. Life is a pathway that one follows. As one gets older, they become more mature. It is part of life. Becoming an adult does not mean a cliche. It is the same as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. They don’t know that they are growing. They build their little world where they sleep until they finally come out an adult. Of couse you won’t be fully formed for at least another 30 years 😉 It is normal progression if you did not quesiton yourself, then you would not have grown. You cannot go back to the child stage any more so than the butterfly can go back to the caterpillar stage. Might as well enjoy the path rather than judge whether you were better previously. You just thought you knew it all. That disappears when one gets to becoming an adult 🙂

    1. Yup you are absolutely right- life is a pathway for sure. I think I don’t really think my teen self is better- actually she’s awful and I would never want to go back to that but there were some things about my teen self that I miss that were wonderful. But of course like you said there’s no going back so I may as well enjoy adulthood.

  14. Nice writing Pooja G! I feel the opposite, like I am still at the learning stage and exploring life, as the years bring change. Holding on to hobbies, and minimalism has been responsible for that I think.

  15. I love this poem, it’s really great.
    It’s not dark actually, cause this is stuff a lot of adults feel, you just wrote it down for all to see. It’s amazing.
    I’d love to reblog this.

    1. Thanks and feel free to reblog it! That’s exactly how I personally feel about it- I don’t think it’s dark but I felt that people may see it that way. I was just trying to express what it feels like to be in your twenties and maybe even your thirties.

  16. Lovely. That poem is deep and true. Congratulations on the poem. I always hang on to the idea that I can be happier and fight for my happiness. I don’t want to just pass through this life. I want to live it. I hope I’ll be able to.😊

  17. I have gone through so many changes in my life. I became a mother very young. I didn’t even know what the world was all about. Now that I am older, I still feel like the teen I was but more mature. Life has a way of changing things about us that we want to hold in to, but in sone ways we want to let go and move on in the growth of our life. We change for the better to better ourselves so we can have a better future as to where we may have had a not so good past. All in all we hold on to the memories of both.

  18. Its beautiful, I can so resonate with it. I also miss the person I was…innocent, trusting giving and full of dreams. Life has a way to tarnish some of it as we grow up.

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