An Ode To The Person I Was

So full of hope

For a brighter future

And yet so filled with darkness

Because of the present

I am happy

To have left the darkness behind

But I really wish

I had kept the hope


I hope you enjoyed todays poem. I was doing a bit of cleaning and came across some old diaries of mine. I definitely don’t miss the anger and darkness I was filled with when I was younger but the diaries also reminded me of how optimistic I was and I miss that.

I know things change as you grow up but sometimes I wish they wouldn’t. When you’re a young kid you’re so full of hope and so ready to believe things will work out the way you want them to. Unfortunately, as we age reality tends to take away much of that optimism. We learn that the world is more difficult than we realised and getting what we want is not always possible.

It’s not all bad though. Growing up has its advantages. It comes with its own adventures.

This picture is from about 5 years ago! It hasn’t been that long but I’m still surprised by how different I look now. I took this picture just a few months before I left for Canada for the first time. Time really does fly. Thankfully, I know my angles a little better lol.

What do you guys think? Do you find yourself becoming more realistic and less optimistic over the years? How do you stay optimistic as you get older? Let me know in the comments below.


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134 thoughts on “An Ode To The Person I Was

  1. Great to know that you are now in much better place.
    Yes darkness behind.
    Can I allow to say yes you look cute?
    Well this is canada version of Ms Pooja
    And now we have kenya version.
    I really hope you stay happy.
    Which version is better?
    Optimistic? Or realistic?
    .
    Yes time changes a lot, my mindset has changed a lot. But luckily people still think that I’m 22 😅
    I mean, there are kids at gym of 18-20 year old and they see me as their buddy. When the realised my age, they suddenly got respect.

    1. Thanks so much. I’m glad to be moving towards the light too.

      Thanks so much, I don’t know which version is better but they both have pros and cons.

      Haha people sometimes think I’m in high school especially when I lived near a high school 😂

      1. You actually look very young. But then, I’ve seen some of your old pics on IG. Makes me feel like this person is ageing reverse.
        What’s interesting is you have 6 + years of blogging experience. Now, you have become a terrific content creator and guide everyone with that light.
        Sending you some positive vibes.
        Stay phenomenal 😃

        1. Lol thanks but I am definitely not getting younger. If anything the raging process is hitting me like a train 😂

          Thanks and sending positive vibes your way too 😁

  2. Great question… and I think you can have both, hope and realism. I think what helped me the most was letting go of what I thought things should be, then trying to make what actually is just a little better 😀

    1. Thanks and yeah you’re right both can exist simultaneously. I think I have a hard time letting go of things when they don’t work out exactly as I want them to. But I’m working on it a lot and getting better 😊

  3. A lovely ode to yourself. You younger photos is sweet and innoccent.

    I go through phases of hope, dreaming, realism, optimistic and it is at all my ages, i would not say it fixed to a certain age. I think we have so many chapters in our life and at all ages. I dont think it fixed. Sure life can hit us harder as we grow up, but that because we dont have the cushion of our parents so much. Though they are there and they do cushion us, we just taken on more as so we should.

    I dont know if i make sense – i am rambling

    1. Thank you so much.

      That definitely makes sense. We all have ups and downs and there are times we are more optimistic and sometimes more realistic.

  4. Another amazing poem.
    I always want to have a diary in which I can write whatever I want but with the time I used to note everything in my phone.
    I’m happy that you share this. And you have your diary till now.

    1. Thanks so much and even if you write on your phone it’s good to have something to read when you get older. Brings back memories.

  5. I do 100% resonate with you, lately I’ve been pondering about the old optimistic Maroua thinking that everything in life is easy…but when you face the reality of life you learn to be rational. Lovely poem😊🙏

      1. Yes, they are. What would we do without hope and faith? How could we live in the world we live in without having something to believe in and hold on to? I thank God for giving us hope, and that hope is in His Son, Jesus Christ.

  6. It’s true Pooja that you do become more realistic as you age, and I am old. But my mind feels like when I was young. Your body changes but your mind can stay young especially if you continue learning and stay optimistic.

    As you get older you also realize that things that bothered you when you were young really weren’t as tragic as you thought.

    Helen Keller said “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing is possible without hope: ”
    Best regards, David

    1. That definitely makes sense and I think having some time between certain events make them less painful.

      Love that quote. Helen Keller was such a wise person.

  7. There will always be people who deliberately assassinate hope in others, keep the hope & optimism in camouflaged stealth mode.

  8. Love the poem, and that’s so cool you have your old diaries to look back on. 🙂

    I feel being optimistic is easier now than when I was younger. Over time a lot of what was bothering me was because of my own mindset. It got to the point where I would repeat this phrase: “I’m healthy, happy, safe, abundant” whenever I felt low, is when I started to see a change. Still say it to this day.

    1. That’s the power of your subconscious mind right there.
      It’s actually great practice Kirsten. I’ve also felt some great powers within myself due to subconscious mind.
      In hard times, I’ve got some unusual strength due to this faith. 🙂

    2. Thanks and yeah it’s nice to read some of them and see how far I’ve come.

      Wow, that’s so great. Affirmations can be really helpful.

  9. The close to 50 year old me knows, there will always be people who deliberately assassinate hope in others, keep the hope & optimism in camouflaged stealth mode.

  10. Nice post, Pooja💕🙂 you are right dear, all that you said, we all experience such phases.. well, hope is very important for life.. it keeps us going.

  11. Isn’t diary keeping great? It’s weird to read them and see how different we are. I definitely am hopeful. I can’t help it. Even with the sadness of the times hope always wins. I think it’s because I have goals and take little steps toward those goals. Here’s to hope!

    1. It’s great, I want to start writing in a journal or diary again just so I can come back and remember everything in a few years. That’s great and yes goals help a lot with hope!

  12. I guess both of these versions have their own pros and cons.
    I liked my optimistic version (as a kid) more!
    This post was kind of walking down to the memory lane.. I really enjoyed the poetry. 😊

  13. Honestly, it’s not easy to retain optimism as one grows older. All we can do is try, and have hope.

    I don’t really know about your past, but I’m glad to see you’re in a better place 🙂

  14. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I am definitely still optimistic and hopeful, but I know realistically that life has it’s ups and downs.

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you’re still hopeful and optimistic. Unfortunately life does make us more realistic but it’s good to stay as optimistic as we can.

  15. Hi Pooja! This is a wonderful poem. I like the contrasts that you used in it. I find that as I get older, I feel more hopeful. I am so grateful for all the goodness that has come into my life. I struggle with health issues, but I wonder if I’d appreciate the good things if it weren’t for those battles. So, I welcome the challenge even when I am sometimes hesitant to face it.

    I’m sorry that I haven’t visited lately. I’ve gotten behind on blogging. It’s always a pleasure to read your words and see where you are on your life’s journey.

    1. Hey! Thanks so much. I am so happy to hear you are becoming more hopeful as you get older. I think it’s important to not let the bad things get to use although sometimes they do. I’m trying my best to stay hopeful but sometimes it’s harder than others.

      That’s totally okay, I understand. It’s always a pleasure getting comments from you and it’s so nice to see you here again.

    1. Oh wow, yeah that’s exactly how I feel sometimes. Maybe I’m at the age where I stop listening to Ghost and start listening to Bob Seger…

  16. I feel that as I grow older, my temper has really tamed. I used to be very sulky and surly and gloomy, but I think I have grown out of that. Other than that, whenever I look back, I somehow start to feel that I didn’t really understand the person I was (or I am). Sometimes I try to do something that is not suitable to the real person I am. I should have done things that are more suitable to the person I am. For example, I tend to be sulky but I do have certain energy in my sulkiness. So merely telling myself to be less sulky will not do the job of improving the situation. But rather I should have worked on ways to channeling my “sulky” energy in a good way, which can make life a lot more happier for me. Even when I was very young, I had my streak of temper but my family always considered that a bad thing and tried very hard to “correct” and “scold” me into certain ways, which had made me more sulky and gloomy along the way.

    1. I’ve always had a really bad temper too and get sulky sometimes. I think my temper has improved since I was young but it has gotten much better now. There is a certain energy in anger and sulkiness but I think you have to learn to use it in a positive way.

      1. So true, so true. We have to learn to unleash the energy in a positive way. I’ve tried for years to rein my sulkiness in a wrong way, which only make me sulkier. It is an interesting mind game to play with oneself …

  17. You’re only getting more and more beautiful, my friend! 💕

    “So full of hope / For a brighter future / And yet so filled with darkness / Because of the present.” Goodness. I don’t know if this is just me, but I feel this a lot! You’ve put those elusive feelings into words. 🤗

  18. This is really good! Very relatable!

    I don’t know how much of this piece is your feelings, or artistic license, or both, but I have often found that I find hope in stillness and smallness and I lose sight of it when my thoughts and concerns get too large or too complicated.

    1. Thanks so much!

      I feel the exact same way. I always tend to think too big and sometimes bringing myself back to Earth and focusing on smaller things helps a lot.

  19. Fun with astrology.. I’ve noticed there’s an age group I find oddly relatable, looks like is Saturn square Neptune that’s kind of a vibe of that poem. If yo bday in 97, yes. Aries Saturn, Capricorn Neptune. I have that but it’s Saturn virgo, Neptune Sagittarius. Fun times, good times. It’s a rough placement but depends on a few things.

    1. Yup I was born in ’97. That’s interesting, I don’t know too much about astrology but rough placement sounds about right lol 😂

      1. In general, simplified.. (it depends on a lot). Neptune represents a lot, it can be positive, negative, in the middle. Hopes, dreams, fantasies, spirituality, etc.. saturn is restriction, fears, anxiety, etc. square aspects are of friction where it’s tense with a back and forth so there’s a friction with what those symbolize and what they are placed in “house” wise. Only thing more rough is an opposition.

        1. I see, that makes sense. I think I get what you’re saying but it may have gone over my head because this is not my area of expertise at all.

          1. When you get into it, you just find no one is actually an expert. Even if you get it all down you still have to either figure out yourself how something is actually happening or (If it’s someone else) discuss what it it’s. It’s life patterning. There’s a general symbolic meaning that gives a general idea, then figuring it out. That’s likely what I’ll do with this blog once I figure out where to start.

              1. I made the mistake of looking at astrology patterns with relationships, friendships. One ex, we broke up because she thought getting married and having kids would fix problems. To make sure I got the right date, I checked a profile and there’s swarms of depressed/suicide helpline posts. Now I’m really sad because that’s a person who has so much potential if she could just let the past go, but she’s still letting her childhood bring her down. Hates my guts bc we broke up so I can’t say anything. that was a mistake. lol. Oddly, there’s a lot of “Saturn” patterns like Capricorn and Aquarius signs.
                Yes, it all depends on a lot, there are ways to narrow down what they mean. So it’s looking at a chart with themes, then using various timing techniques because some things take time to actually happen.

                  1. I extended a bridge years ago, so it’s not my problem. Been a while, had to remember what was being discussed. 😂
                    I’m into a psychoanalytic book of Lilith right now, really into it.

  20. “So full of hope
    For a brighter future
    And yet so filled with darkness
    Because of the present”

    This is exactly the present me.

    My daily life inspires me more than anything.

    Because I can change things, the way I want, in the present.

    Some medicines taste bitter, but they help in the faster recovery.

    I learn from experiences of the people who did the things I want to do.

    You are an inspiration, and a source of learning.

    By the you’re looking gorgeous in the new profile pic.

    I do not get much free time.

    And I’ll be available to read the posts on Lifesfinewine between 2-3 days in a week.

    Thank you, Pooja.

    1. Thank you so much. Yes, I think we all feel that way from time to time. I hope things look up soon.

      I would be happy if you read my posts whenever you can. Don’t feel to pressured to read them if you’re busy.

      Thanks again.

  21. It’s difficult to be optimistic as an adult. We over think and complicate things that seemed so simple as children. Good was good, bad was bad, we saw the world in all the little moments we now dismiss as trivial.
    Wonderful post, Pooja. 💕

  22. My faith keeps me optimistic. I live in Joy because of that, despite the happenings around me. Life is precious, and is a gift. I don’t allow down times to last more than a day if I can help it. Shorter most of the time. Usually I will wake with a better attitude than the previous day.

  23. Hello, Pooja! I feel optimistic when I am reading the work of my fellow bloggers and enjoying the company of loved ones. I think human connection is what helps me stay optimistic. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!

  24. Hey Pooja 🙂

    people like YOU keep me optimistic (that there may be more people like you 😉 ) …(*)

    🙂 Norbert

    (*) I keep trying to reach people who are willing to read with the things I write. What makes me pessimistic is how few people appear to understand many things. One of my main sites is socio.biz (the blog is at socio.business.blog 😉 ) … yet the vast majority of people only see Google ads (ca. 100% of GOOG results are advertisements). When I see people who are also aware of such propaganda, then I can continue to have hope that the world might not be completely lost.

    1. Thank you so much, it makes me so happy to hear that 😊

      I am so sorry to hear about that. I can understand why that must be disappointing and can make you a pessimistic. But there is always hope 🙂

  25. Pooja, I’m glad you’re in a better emotional place now. I know I certainly felt a lot of anger & confusion in my younger days.

    Two or three years ago, even, I was unable to understand myself or my desires. But I’ve done a lot of work, failed miserably, yet been accepted by myself and the people I love.

    I’m in arguably the most challenging era of my life thus far, but also the most promising.

    The path ahead of us is not easy, and is itself lined with negative emotions.

    I guess the challenge is to live with those negative emotions, rather then to try and make them go away.

    If we live with intention, and take actions that align with our values (even if they seem impractical or “stupid”) we will end up exactly where we are supposed to.

    Carry your torch high, because no one else will.

    Hope dies in darkness.

    1. Thanks so much. I think I’m at a pretty challenging place myself but like you I am trying my best to work on myself. It doesn’t always go according to plan but at least I’m trying.

      Yes, the negative emotions never go away. We just need to learn to control and handle them well.

      Glad to hear you’re better now too. It’s okay to fail sometimes because it’s not always possible to change overnight. The important thing is to not give up.

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