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A Lesson I’ve Been Learning Recently

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I’ve been doing so much thinking this year because honestly it’s been one lesson after the other. Almost like too many lessons. Like maybe the universe can stop now and attack teach someone else for a while. Anyway, I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and I was talking to her about a lesson I’ve been learning recently and since I didn’t have much else to share today I thought I would share it here. If nothing else, maybe it will be beneficial for some of you or relatable.

So, the lesson I’ve been learning recently is that although there will always be people out there trying to directly or indirectly hurt us, we have the free will to carry on with our journey and disregard their negativity. Now, I’m not talking about people giving us constructive feedback, trying to help us be better. I’m talking about the kind of people that like to hurt others just to hurt them.

If we sit and marinate in that anger, hurt and negativity we’re letting them win. The only real way to fight back against people like that is to take back your power. Don’t let them hurt you or ruin your life. Live the best life you can despite them, focus on what makes you happy. Our perception is really all we have control over. We can choose to live our lives in misery by caring about negative people or we can choose to focus on our own happiness.

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P. J. Gudka

86 responses to “A Lesson I’ve Been Learning Recently”

  1. noga noga Avatar
    noga noga

    Enjoy sharing, well done. Good luck and have a nice day, Bouji.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you so much and have a nice day too.

      Reply
  2. Gina Avatar
    Gina

    A simple concept, yet so hard to achieve. I’m so happy you are making such great strides in living YOUR best life! This Nana learns from you every week. Thank you, Pooja!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Absolutely, so incredibly difficult to achieve but worth the work. Thank you so much!

      Reply
  3. Any Element Avatar
    Any Element

    Some would pretend to learn but eventually learn it the hard way

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      That is so true, I think some lessons are just such that we need to experience something difficult to learn them.

      Reply
  4. John Avatar
    John

    Marinate, I think that’s a perfect description of letting others get to us with their negativity. Move on, disregard them. 👍🏻😎

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yeah, I think that’s the best attitude to have. Just disregard the negativity and keep going forward 😊

      Reply
  5. L.G. Avatar
    L.G.

    Great post

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you.

      Reply
  6. thomasstigwikman Avatar
    thomasstigwikman

    I agree that is a good lesson but difficult in practice. When people are being cruel a-holes to you it can be difficult to get over, especially when you yourself has tried to be nice to them. Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid those kind of situations. Sooner or later it will happen to you and you better know how to overcome the hurt and disappointment, or you’ll let them win, as you say.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      So true, in those moments it’s so hard not to ruminate over what happened especially when you would never do to them what they did to you. That’s why it’s important to have the skills necessary to be able to process and move on from things like that.

      Reply
  7. Richmond Road Avatar
    Richmond Road

    I find it difficult to view others this way. I don’t really think that there’s anyone out there trying to get me. Or to get you. What we often interpret as negative and hurtful is little more than ambivalence. 99% of people don’t care enough about …. couldn’t be bothered …. to be nice to you. But they also don’t care enough to be horrid to you – it requires way too much effort. So the negative vibes that you pick up (not just you – I get them too, we all do) are your own vibrations reacting to waves sent out randomly. They weren’t directed at you, it’s just that you’re sharing the same ocean.

    The trick, as far as I can figure it out, is to be nice to everyone – no matter how they treat you. The effect of that is that people are nice in return – you become special to them – they are eventually genetically obligated to be nice right back. They start deliberately sending positive waves your way, because it makes them feel good. They are no longer part of the 99%.

    Just be nice. That’s it. That’s all there is. Every single religious belief or text in existence could be discarded as obsolete tomorrow if people followed that one simple rule. Be nice.

    And here’s the thing. Most people actually want to be nice, but are afraid to be. They think it makes them vulnerable to attack, but normally it does the opposite. Gradually an army of nice people forms, and is a safe haven and shield for anyone who wants to join. And almost everyone wants to join.

    ‘You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.’

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I definitely understand where you’re coming from and I envy your optimistic attitude. Unfortunately for me, due to the abuse I’ve experienced as well as the subjects I’ve studied it’s been impossible to believe that all people are nice and have good intentions. I don’t think child abusers or abusers in general are nice or want to be nice. Same with serial killers, narcissists etc. I’ve tried very hard to be nice to people that hurt me deeply, that abused me for years but that gets us nowhere. I don’t think being awful to them is the answer either. I think the best way to move forward is to accept them as they are instead of expecting them to be better and keeping a safe distance from them.

      Reply
      1. Richmond Road Avatar
        Richmond Road

        Sure buddy. I understood that. And the difference in our chromosomes no doubt has historically made it easier for me to navigate through all of this.
        And maybe my numbers are a bit out. There are people out there who seem compelled to be hostile to others. Mostly out of fear. Rapists, child abusers, and so on, are almost invariably cowards, preying on the weak to support their own faltering egos. But you’re right, they do exist and would seem to be incurable for the most part. Let’s say they represent 5% of the community (I think this a huge exaggeration and would think 2% more realistic) and another 5% at the other end, the ‘nice’ end of the scale. Then I think we can add another 5% at either end for the ‘mainly nice’, and ‘mainly nasty’. So we are left with 80% in the middle who are just ambivalent, mainly out of fear of being branded as either side and also due to genuine ambivalence itself.
        This is the group you need to work on. They have no ill feelings towards you or me – they have very few feelings about anyone or anything. Their ambivalence is a void – a hollow space of feeling and meaning. My belief, optimistic though it may seem, is that most would prefer it to be filled with love and purpose than with hatred and fear.

        ‘The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love.’
        Henry Miller

        Reply
  8. WellsFiction Avatar
    WellsFiction

    Hi Pooja. That’s very true. I’m beginning to realize those type of people are really hurting inside and sadly the only way they seem to numb their pain is by hurting others. It doesn’t matter if we treat them with kindness or not, but we definitely should always focus on our own mental health cause they’re not going to do that for us for sure. You’re a good friend and I’m thankful to know you 🙂

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, so true I think it’s because they are hurting that they want to cause others pain. But my therapist told me something that really opened my eyes, she said that most of us are in pain. You’re also hurt and in pain. But not all of us want to hurt others. Not all of us want to destroy other peoples lives. And that’s what differentiates us.
      Absolutely, it’s best to focus on ourselves and our own journey in life. I’m very thankful to know you as well. Hope your writing is going well 🙂

      Reply
      1. WellsFiction Avatar
        WellsFiction

        Exactly! Thanks Pooja. Writing is going good. I’ve been researching the difference between essay writing and fictional narrative writing 🙂

        Reply
        1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
          P. J. Gudka

          Ooh very interesting. Glad it’s going well 🙂

          Reply
  9. Steve Avatar
    Steve

    Disregarding negativity takes a bit of work, but is so worth the effort.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, very much so. It can be really hard work because as humans most of us do feel hurt when others behave badly towards us. But once we learn to disregard the negativity life can improve immensely.

      Reply
  10. shivatje Avatar
    shivatje

    🙏🌹

    Aum Shanti

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      🙏🙏

      Reply
  11. destiny Avatar
    destiny

    wisely said, Pooja …. 🤍

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thanks so much, Destiny. So nice to see you back 💗

      Reply
      1. destiny Avatar
        destiny

        so welcome… feels good to be back…again lol..
        🤍

        Reply
        1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
          P. J. Gudka

          😊💞

          Reply
  12. katiemiafrederick Avatar
    katiemiafrederick

    Like An “Atmospheric Current” Now
    As Long as i Radiate Positive Vibrations
    Frequencies Energies of Feelings and Senses
    in Synergies of Emotional Wings i Most Often Find
    Negative Folks

    Steer Around my
    “Atmospheric Current”

    To What Suits Their Current
    Atmosphere of Emotions More

    Related to
    Fear Anger
    And Hate
    and the Dopamine
    And Adrenaline More

    Associated With That Path of Life

    It’s a Warm Place Within That Opens
    Up Pathways of Kindness Everywhere We Wing

    Life Higher
    to Lift Others

    Up However

    In Places Like School
    And Work and Even
    Church and Home

    Trapped With
    Negative
    Energy
    of Others
    With Seemingly
    No Escape What A
    Practice and a Difficult
    One it may be to Stay Above

    in an Atmospheric Current Warm and True

    Anyway Dear Pooja
    All Our Emotions
    Feelings And
    Senses in

    Synergy are
    Neuroplastic
    In Potential for
    Change for the
    Better or the Worse

    So i Continue the Practice Of
    A Never Ending Story oF LiGHT

    More Colorful New

    And True For Now at Least…

    Definitely Good Advice You Provide

    To Swim in the LiGHT Away From DarK
    Or Dance Or Sing or Whatever Meditative

    Activity
    in Practice
    Works and
    Plays Best for Us
    Now

    iN
    Flow

    With
    SMiLes..:)

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, that is absolutely what I believe too! When we put out positive energy as much as possible we keep away the negativity that comes towards us and attract more positive energy into our lives. And we change our mind too, it becomes more and more easy to remain positive.

      Reply
      1. katiemiafrederick Avatar
        katiemiafrederick

        Love The Christmas Tree
        Metaphor Dear Pooja Keeping
        Our Living Trees Up Year Around

        Adding
        New
        Colors
        oF LiGHT
        As We Grow
        With SMiLes☺️🙌

        Reply
        1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
          P. J. Gudka

          Yes, that’s a great metaphor for it! 🎄

          Reply
          1. katiemiafrederick Avatar
            katiemiafrederick

            🎄 🙌☺️
            My
            Psychiatrist
            Liked it too
            As a Metaphor
            For Positive Moves
            For Neuroplasticity

            Helping
            His More
            Challenged
            Local Clients
            Better Relate
            To The Long
            Worded Process☺️

            Reply
  13. Sadje Avatar
    Sadje

    I think we all have to learn this very valuable lesson in life.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, I think over time we all learn it.

      Reply
      1. Sadje Avatar
        Sadje

        And it’s a lesson that’s beneficial for us.

        Reply
  14. writinstuff Avatar
    writinstuff

    You learned the lesson but you also passed it on so others can learn it, maybe a bit easier so there’s that… 🙂 Also I know you were nominated already but I also nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award: https://the-spicy-spatula.com/2025/04/05/sunshine-blogger-award/

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yeah, I think it helps to share the lessons we learn. Oh wow, thanks so much I really appreciate it! I would love to participate and will share my answers some time next week 🙂

      Reply
  15. Beaton Avatar
    Beaton

    a simple yet profound lesson… we tend to go through life giving other people power over us…
    as for the universe teaching someone else, maybe we prefer learning vicariously through you 😂
    ~B

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you so much. Yes, we give them all our power when we let them control us. Lol, I wish the universe would pick someone else I’m not prepared to learn everyones lessons 😅

      Reply
  16. Bookstooge Avatar
    Bookstooge

    Yeah, dealing with “life” gets tiring, doesn’t it? I’ve fantasized about being super rich and having nothing to do but sit on a beach and read and drink exotic things, but from what I hear, rich people are even more neurotic and unhappy. So maybe I’d be even more miserable, hahahaha. We carry the seeds of our own discontent within us, sadly.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I’ve fantasised about that too but have come to the same conclusion. Rich people are often miserable too and that’s why mindset is so vital. We can have literally everything and still be unhappy if we are unappreciative and lack gratitude. Due to my mum’s line of work, I grew up meeting extremely rich people including millionaires and some of them did nothing but complain.

      Reply
      1. paulliverstravels Avatar
        paulliverstravels

        If I was independently wealth, I’d spend the rest of my life in graduate school so I could use their libraries, use their gym, and hang out with people who like reading books.

        Reply
        1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
          P. J. Gudka

          That sounds perfect. I would get my Masters.

          Reply
          1. paulliverstravels Avatar
            paulliverstravels

            I have one in creative writing, but I’d also want to get them in literary criticism, history, and philosophy. Just for fun, mind you. LOL Maybe not philosophy; I’m not a fan of unnecessarily long words.

            Reply
            1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
              P. J. Gudka

              Haha yeah, philosophy may be a lot of work. I would love to get a masters in history and another in sociology.

              Reply
    2. paulliverstravels Avatar
      paulliverstravels

      I think rich people are neurotic because they use money as a crutch instead of a tool and on some subconscious level they can’t stop worrying it will disappear.

      Reply
      1. Bookstooge Avatar
        Bookstooge

        I’ll take 10 of those crutches 😀

        Reply
  17. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    good ole trump loving
    pope and st son tom
    returns to day
    so your post
    is on it
    aka
    bingo!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I think people very much get what they attract when they associate themselves with negativity!

      Reply
      1. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        yup. and he loves self pity. which as a choice is dumb and shitty. to your health gudka!

        Reply
      2. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        two songs cheer down well. john denver s african sunset and mr lightfoot with a lesson in love!

        Reply
      3. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        the story of mr barnum and jenny lind.

        Reply
      4. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        cheers PJ is yas.

        Reply
  18. pk 🌎 Avatar
    pk 🌎

    Thank you so much for this great comment. I’m so grateful you stopped by and wrote it. Blessings, my friend 🙏

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      My pleasure 😊🙏

      Reply
  19. Eugi Avatar
    Eugi

    An excellent idea but easier said than done. We have to know when to walk away.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, I think it takes years of experience to learn that lesson and even then it’s really hard to let go of things.

      Reply
      1. Eugi Avatar
        Eugi

        💗

        Reply
  20. camilla wells paynter Avatar
    camilla wells paynter

    Great advice, Pooja!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thanks so much!

      Reply
  21. clcouch123 Avatar
    clcouch123

    Good lessoning for you and for us. The marinating notion is especially apt, since metaphorically and then actually the action takes time. And over time we can let anger, and over what, indeed take over. Or we can choose better. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yeah, if we let the negative emotions marinate too much it’s all we’re left with. We have to be careful to process them and let them go. Thanks so much!

      Reply
  22. paulliverstravels Avatar
    paulliverstravels

    I feel like I’m in this philosophical transition period between accepting the fact of life’s chaos and being okay with that chaos.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I was in that exact place a few months ago and trust me it gets so much better. Once you accept that chaos is a part of life, things just get so much calmer. Mentally I mean, life is never truly calm.

      Reply
  23. ianscyberspace Avatar
    ianscyberspace

    Retaining anger against a person or experience is rarely noticed by those you are angry with, or they just don’t care but anger inflicts a terrible toll on the one who harbors it physically and mentally.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Exactly, it rarely affects them meanwhile they live rent free in our mind still causing havoc.

      Reply
  24. My CBDTrend World🌍 Avatar
    My CBDTrend World🌍

    Gooooood

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thanks so much.

      Reply
  25. Stephanie Avatar
    Stephanie

    I like that twist. We do have options in those moments.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Absolutely, we always have the option to look at things more positively.

      Reply
      1. Stephanie Avatar
        Stephanie

        ::whistling::: Always look on the bright side of life…

        Reply
  26. Dawn Avatar
    Dawn

    Painful lesson, thank you for sharing Pooja! 💞

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you! Yes, a painful lesson but one worth learning 💗

      Reply
  27. Milena Alien Avatar
    Milena Alien

    I feel like the teaching process is never ending, and I wish I was learning faster but it doesn’t really work the way I want it to.
    Some days are just those kind of days. Breathe and let go. You are not alone asking those questions, life is not fair…

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yeah, it never ends and we learn throughout life. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but can be overwhelming sometimes. Thanks so much.

      Reply
      1. Milena Alien Avatar
        Milena Alien

        I feel you Pooja

        Reply
  28. a-cute-weirdo Avatar
    a-cute-weirdo

    💯
    It seems life only knows how to teach lessons by experience and experience is such a brutal teacher. Effective, but brutal

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, it really does see that way sometimes. But true, those lessons are most effective though 🤷🏻‍♀️

      Reply
  29. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
    Cindy Georgakas

    Wise and wonderful lessons that aren’t always easy but truly serve the purpose of learning about ourselves!! 💕

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you so much! 😊💗

      Reply
  30. Mary K. Doyle Avatar
    Mary K. Doyle

    You grow wiser by the day, sweet Pooja. Unhappy people make people unhappy. Their cruelty has nothing to do with you, so you are right to move away from them physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thanks so much, that’s so sweet of you to say. I so agree, I think when people try to hurt others it’s about them being in pain and wanting others to be in pain too.

      Reply
  31. Ib Avatar
    Ib

    You’re so right!
    What you’re not changing, you’re choosing. If we don’t decide to shut out the noise and negativity from others then we’re choosing not to.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, exactly! We have the choice to shut out the negativity or absorb it.

      Reply
  32. Loku Avatar
    Loku

    “Live the best life you can despite them, focus on what makes you happy. ”❤️

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      That’s the key to happiness, imo 😊

      Reply

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