I Was Never Any Good At Playing Pretend

I Was Never Any Good At Playing Pretend

I was never any good at playing pretend

At biting my lip and tossing my hair

Sighing and giggling as though I care

I tried so hard to be the woman I thought I wanted to be

But it was nothing more than a want

It’s not who I really am

I’m not the woman who likes to go out and socialise

I’m the girl that sits at home in her pyjamas

Rereading her worn out copy of Pride & Prejudice

Rewatching Bridget Jones’s Diary for the hundredth time

I’m just me

I Was Never Any Good At Playing Pretend


About “I Was Never Any Good At Playing Pretend”:

I wanted to try something new with the images today and use the image generation option on WP. It sucks by the way it keeps leaving out stuff and the first image I created was reading two Pride & Prejudice books at the same time lol. I mean, I love the book but not enough to read two copies of it simultaneously??

Anyway, I thought of the poem last night as I was laying in bed and thinking about life. I used to try really hard to be more extroverted, to go out more and do more stuff but these days I’ve excepted that I’m more of an introvert. My happy place is my bedroom preferably with a yummy dessert and book in my hand. And that’s okay!

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Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? Do you find yourself becoming more introverted as you get older? What did you think of the poem? Let me know in the comments section below because I would love to hear from you. Or simply stop by and say hi!

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144 responses to “I Was Never Any Good At Playing Pretend”

  1. Definitely introverted. It is not helping those who try to railroad me (see my blog re: my past). Peacefully I turn inward like Aikido. I like performing yet a lot of performance is built up of introspective prayer and repetition

    1. Yeah, I totally get that and honestly I’ve realised that protecting our peace is what’s important. There’s always going to be people trying to derail us but we can’t let them stop us.

  2. I am an ambivert- sometimes introvert and sometime extrovert

    1. That makes sense, I think a lot of people are that way. I used to be more of an ambivert but feel like I’ve become more introverted this year.

  3. It’s hard to
    Pretend all the time. Be the person you really are and be proud of yourself. I’m somewhat in between. I like meeting friends and going out but strangers aren’t high on my list of priorities.

    1. Yeah, I think it’s exhausting pretending all the time. I’m similar where I enjoy spending time with those I like but don’t care too much about strangers.

      1. I think that we should do what comes naturally to us. 🥰🥰🥰

        1. Agreed 😊

          1. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

  4. Lifelong introvert here. Your happy place is very much like my own.

    1. I think many of us introverts are that way.

  5. I’m a crossover. My natural preference is to be alone with my stuff, but a lifetime of administration has forced me to be viewed as an extrovert as I can put on a show delivering a lecture to students in a lecture theatre or mingling with the movers and shakers in society at corporate levels. But inside I’m still the country boy bought up in a rural town and like being in nature. I am very active though and could never spend a day in my pajamas. 🙂

    1. That’s interesting, I guess our experiences also change us but at the end of the day we sort of remain the person we always were. Haha I’m the opposite, I could stay in my pyjamas all day 🙂

  6. The images are nice. We think alike Pooja, I’d rather stay home and be comfy than battle the nutter drivers here… 🤭😂

    1. Haha I guess we feel the same way about that, lots of nutter drivers here too 😅😅

      1. Just can’t escape it.

  7. Be you, do you, you good.

    1. Thanks, yeah I think being ourselves is most important.

  8. Hi Pooj! I so loved the poetry! Thank you my dear 🫶

    Introverted extrovert here …

    I’ve tried sailing the seas of conformity – once – ok more than once!
    Ya caught me!
    I would set my compass to “Respectability” and set l the ships wheel to due north with – get this – a rubber band. Cute idea, right? Yeah, until life tossed a few rogue waves my way and snap 🫰 there I was … flung back to the wild, barefoot version of myself, hair tangled in rebellion, pockets full of moonlight and mildly inappropriate jokes.

    See, I’ve got this condition – I break out in authenticity when I try to blend in.
    No cure.
    But the side effect?
    I attract the real ones.
    The soul tribe.
    The people who don’t flinch when I laugh too loud or cry mid-sentence or go full philosopher-poet at brunch.

    So now, I don’t fake the calm seas. I dance on deck during the storm, sass the stars, and let the ship go where I go. Spoiler: it works better that way.

    1. Thank you! I love that because honestly conformity makes us so miserable. I’ve been there too, trying to be the person the world wanted me to be but as we get older we see the benefits of just being ourselves. And like you said, that brings in the right crowd who get the real you!

  9. Introverted and becoming more so as the years roll on 🙂

    1. Same here, I used to definitely be less introverted but these days I find myself enjoying my own company more and more.

      1. I suspect a lot of bloggers are. That way we can pretend to be social 😉

        1. Haha so true 😅

  10. I’m an introverted extravert. Bad at pretending.
    I love going out, organizing events and being with people just to realize how much I want to stay at home and read a book. I hate parties, they are the most overrated gatherings of random people. You have to be good at pretending to love them.
    But staying at home all the time is boring, so you have to get yourself out there once in a while and meet people which can be fun, or just educational.

    1. Haha that’s very relatable, after some time I always just want to go home and read in bed too. Yeah, parties are really exhausting for many of us. True, sometimes you have to step out of the comfort zone and explore.

      1. Yeah and often not for much

    2. When I lived in China, instead of having one big birthday, I had three smaller dinner parties at three different restaurants and my friends could come on different days. It resulted in more variety of food and more interesting conversations.

      1. Very cool, I loved my China experience, it was very difficult from Ukraine or United States. For my last bday party I had two parties: the tea party and the food court dinner party. They were both really awesome, it was probably the biggest gathering of people since we left Ukraine. There we had all kinds of friends and family get together.

  11. I consider myself an Ambivert , I can go long periods of timento myself but I also like going out and enjoy others company when I can .

    1. I think I’m a bit like that too but have become more introverted recently.

      1. Sometimes it happens . I’ll find myself more withdrawn and then I’m like hey wait I need to go visit or call my friends . That or spend extra time grocery shopping just to get out of the house .

        1. I totally get that. I think once in a while it’s nice to hang out with friends or go out shopping and get some fresh air. Or even just take walks or something.

    2. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it – when I have to look up the meaning of a word – Ambivert – I had no clue!
      Thank you for sharing that 🫶

      1. Yup yup ! Sometimes it’s nice being able to be flexible.

  12. It was a delightful and fun poem. I have never tried the WP image generation feature. As for me I am an introvert.

    1. Thanks so much. The image generation is a fun feature but definitely needs more work which I think is the case with more image generating features. I was a lot more extroverted in my early twenties but definitely an introvert now.

  13. The first line is inviting

    1. Thanks so much.

  14. Quantez Xihuitl Avatar
    Quantez Xihuitl

    Hi!

    1. Hi 👋🏼

  15. 🙏🌹👍🫶

    Aum Shanti

  16. Transcending ‘The Crowd’ SMiLes
    Dear Pooja For What Others May
    View As An Extroverted Activity

    Like Dancing Solo in a Crowd
    of Hundreds of College Age
    Folks In Drunken Stupors of

    Dance Transcending the
    Crowd May Be A Meditative

    Activity of Contemplation in
    Achieving More and More Complex
    Levels of the Activity Totally Focused on

    Yes Like
    Spiraling
    Public Dance

    Meditating Flow

    To the Point that
    One May Be In the
    Middle of a Crowd of
    Hundreds of Drunken
    Stuporing College Age
    Students Yet Yes STiLL

    Dancing Solo As Introverted
    As Introverted Will Play as Basically

    The Crowd
    Disappears
    As You May
    Continue to
    Dance on All
    Cylinders of

    A Ferrari Continuing
    Solo to BeCoME More

    Finely Tuned

    Hehe With
    Or Without
    SMiLes For Real…

    Anyway after 21,733 Miles
    of Practice in 140 Months
    When i Do Interact With Others

    Not Nearly As Stressful Before i
    Developed This All Natural ‘Stim’
    to Regulate Emotions and Integrate
    Senses Including the Reactions Within

    From Dealing

    With Big

    Social

    Crowds
    Of Wild and
    Somewhat Free Humans..:)

    1. I think the main thing is being yourself and doing what makes you happy!

      1. Indeed!☺️🙌

  17. I liked your poem. I learned the term ambivert a while ago, which I identify with more.

    1. Thanks so much. I think I definitely used to be an ambivert but am now much more introverted.

  18. I’m reminded of Emily Dickinson, “The soul selects her own society, then shuts the door.” 🙂

    1. That is such an incredibly true quote.

    2. I’m rereading her complete poems a page at a time. Oh, that’s six books I’m reading at the same time!

  19. Hey Pooj! Yeah, absolutely. You’ve been following my posts as well, you know I totally agree with ya. I can never stand pretending to be someone that I am not. That’s not to say that I’ve spent most of my life trying way too hard to fit in. Making the decision back in 2018 to finally embrace “being myself” is still the best decision I have ever made. It hasn’t been easy for sure. But still a worthy decision.

    1. I’m so glad you made that decision, it’s so important to honour your true self. I made that decision last year and it’s honestly been life changing. Definitely difficult and you do lose some people along the way but as you said it’s still a worthy decision.

      1. We are most definitely on the same frequency here.

  20. I’m an introvert but sometimes I think you have to push yourself a bit. Comfort zones can lead to stagnation.

    1. True, I’m the same way. I’m definitely introverted but try new things once in a while and then spend the rest of the time staying in and doing my own thing.

  21. Your poem is amazing; what a relatable post! I’m an introvert, although when I was young, I pretended not to be. Now that I’m older, though, I’m more comfortable and confident being me. I think introverts can get a hard time for “not joining in” when they’re young — it’s so unfair. Thanks for sharing 🦋💜

    1. Thank you so much! I used to be the same when I was younger, always trying to fit in because there’s a lot of pressure to conform. But it’s easier to be yourself when you get older and surround yourself with likeminded people 💗

  22. so be it
    so it is

    1. And so it will be

      1. perhaps. my puts slow but that is my fault. sic sotto vocce.

  23. Hahaa, bravo 👏👏. Great poem, great message — the images definitely spruced things up too 😆

    1. Thank you so much, glad you enjoyed the poem and the images 😊😅

      1. Haha, you are welcome P.J 👍😆💘. It was absolutely a pleasure.

  24. I think for me, it’s just that I’ve been treated and raised to be more reserved and introverted, but nowadays, I am going out more, which actually seems to help me figure out more about who I really am. About socialising, it’s a bit complex I can be more talkative to the right people. That’s why I am working so much on my social anxiety and trauma. I’ve realised most of that has to do with mental programmings and how you experienced life as a child.

    1. That makes sense, how we grow up affects our personality a lot. It shapes who we become as adults and sometimes leads to social anxiety. It sounds like you’re selectively social and prefer the company of those you feel comfortable with.

      1. Yes, but I think that has to do with the attachment styles I experienced when I was young. Also, I guess it has a lot to do with the vibe, like when I sense the energy is not right, I withdraw directly.

        1. That makes sense, we form attachment styles early on that stay with even in adulthood.

  25. Love the poem, Pooja! I am an ambivert; I like to get out and around, but I enjoy staying home more as I get older.

    I don’t use WP’s AI images because they are huge, and I have to resize them, plus they don’t fit with what I want to create.

    1. Thanks so much! I used to be more social before but find myself becoming more introverted as I get older too.

      That’s true the images need to be resized.

      1. You’re welcome, Pooja!

  26. And imo what’s great about that, is that the people around you who love you for who you truly are, are more than glad that you’re an introvert. Because they love you for who you are. And they wouldn’t want it any other way. Now when it comes to your question at the end, I’m about as introverted as it can get. There is nothing like being in the bedroom all cuddled up in my blankets, while I listen to my fan run in the background. It’s running right now as I’m typing this comment at my desk. And it all just feels like bliss! Lollll

    1. That’s so true, you make a small group of very close friends rather than a lot of friends who may not really get you. Haha I’m the same way!

      1. There is science showing that most people are happier and healthier with a small group of close friends than a superficial popularity. I’ve always like smaller dinner parties than big, loud parties.

        1. I’m the same way, I’ll take a small dinner party or get together with friends then a big, loud party.

          1. I accidentally invited a friend of mine and her favorite professor to the same dinner party. That was fun. She had just finished her MA degree, and I think it was the first time they’d met socially.

            1. Oh wow, that’s interesting. She must have been very surprised to see the professor there.

  27. Great poem…I have gotten more outgoing with age.

    1. That’s so nice, some people do enjoy socialising more as they get older.

  28. ❤️🧡💓💖

  29. WellsFiction Avatar
    WellsFiction

    You do you. Nice poem, Pooja.

    1. Thanks so much.

  30. I like the poem and especially the idea of considering authenticity over pretense. In answer to your question, I seem to be neither or both. I mean, I took a Meyer’s-Briggs personality inventory a while ago. And the counselor told me after that the needle, so to speak, is in the middle. I’m still not sure I know what that means, though eccentrically enough I think it’s true. Good work again! on your creativitiy and timeliness. I hope you have a really pleasant weekend.

    1. Thanks so much! That’s interesting I guess you’re perfectly an ambivert- right in the middle of the two.

  31. Love the poem. I wish I was “that woman.” I always tried to be that woman but failed. I’m an introvert who likes to spend time reading or watching TV.

    1. Yeah, I always wished I was “that woman” too but we are who we are and it’s hard to change our personalities completely.

  32. Love the poem and the idea of the swanky bar and tossing of my hair if I don’t have to get dressed to go out.. lol. For me it just doesn’t have the appeal but I can be swayed with a really good meal and drink for a night but it has to be a 10 +! 😂

    1. Thanks so much! Haha well that’s fair 😅

  33. I didn’t know there was an image generation option on WordPress, will have to look into that! Also the idea of reading two books in the same moment made me laugh 🤣

    1. Yeah, the image generation is a fun option to try but definitely not super accurate! Lol the two book image made me chuckle too 😅

  34. What? Only reading one book at a time? How unambitious!

    1. I think that’s what the image generator was trying to say too, now I need to get back to both my books and try again!

      1. Maybe add a third book and show the internet what you’re really capable of.

        1. Why stop at three, maybe I’ll even add a fourth or fifth book.

    2. I think I’m reading five books right now, plus a book review magazine.

      1. Five books, plus a book about books. Nice! What would be even better is if you had a magazine that reviewed book review magazines

  35. Loved the poem Pooja! ✨

    I’m definitely an introvert. It’s gotten to a point where I search for excuses not to go out. And I’m even happier when an occasion coincides with my Emergency duties. In that case, I don’t even need to search for an excuse. 🙈

    1. Thank you! Lol, I’m the same way. I hate to say it but I love when plans are cancelled 🥲

  36. A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA Avatar
    A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA

    Interesting poem. I tend toward introversion.

    1. Thanks so much. Interesting to know.

  37. As you grow older you need less drama and more peace 🙌🏻

    1. Yes, exactly!

  38. Thank you for subscribing to me. I subscribed to you. Please tell me more about you. I appreciate you stopping by. You have a nice profile. Have a good day. Talk to you later. I am very busy today.

    1. Thank you for subscribing too and my sincere apologies for the late response, I’ve been quite busy at the moment. I’d love to tell you more about myself, I started blogging as a teenager and am now a freelancer with blogging related services. I’m also a writer, I published my first book last year.
      I’d love to know more about you too when you get a minute.

      1. Don’t worry about the last response because I have busy as well. I have been really busy with my life, but you can read it on my posts on WordPress. I didn’t start blogging until two months ago because I was not sure that I wanted to start blogging because I thought I would be attacked for what I post online because Facebook I got attacked for what I posted. They would stalk me. They would harass me. I would stand up for myself because I don’t put up with bullying anymore. You can learn more about me, if you read my posts. I am a freelancer as well am I right because I type from what is coming out of my head. You are a publisher. You wrote your first book. Tell me more about writing books because I am interested in doing that. You can ask me questions. I will answer any kind of question you ask me. Have a good day.

        1. What services do you offer as a freelancer? I published my book with a publisher (Wild Ink Publishing), I would recommend doing that at least with your first book as it’s difficult to do everything yourself.

          1. I really don’t know what freelancer means, so you have to explain it to me because I have never heard of that term before. I will check out the Wild Ink Publishing, but you will have to explain to me too because I don’t know what it is about. I don’t know what type of book I would write or put in the book, so I would have to think about it. Thank you for answering me back. Please help me write a book. You are very smart. Be safe. See ya.

            1. Wild Ink doesn’t have preferences with the genre of the book as far as I know so it shouldn’t be an issue regardless of which genre you go with. Hope that helps. Have a great day.

              1. Thank you for your tip because I really need tips on how to write a book because I want to make a book that encourages people to live their life in a positive way. If they are having a rough time in life then they can make their life positive, if they want too. I hope you have a good day. Talk to you later. Be safe. Enjoy the weather. I am happy you talk to me.

  39. I’m an introvert, yet have seasons of craving sociability. I’ve written a bit about my love of strangers, and it’s an odd balance to enjoy meetings and encounters, yet not necessarily need to get together with familiar others too often, or be on the phone every day, etc.

    That said, it’s profound when one feels at home in themself enough to let the ‘should be more like…’ go on by.

    1. I’m an introvert who also likes being sociable, but I need an excuse, like a mutual hobby. Most of my friendships have been through hobbies.

      1. That’s true for me, except my hobbies have tended to be online like this. So there’s still some kind of gap. 🙂

    2. I generally do like meeting strangers once in a while but these days I think I’m much more appreciative of my own company idk why.

      1. You’re working on a big project. Maybe pooling your energies?

        1. Hmm that could be it actually.

          1. Would make sense, I think. <3

  40. “Sighing and giggling as though I care” (LOL) … Now that would be funny to see you pretending! You should try acting classes or an improv group: First off, you are very smart and witty (you’ll enjoy the banter), secondly, you’ll have so much creative content for writing, and third, you are already out might as well get yourself ice cream! Love the poem, so relatable! Never try and be something or somebody you are not … as the saying goes something like; “Don’t mess with perfection!”

    1. Lol if you ever see me at a club or bar just know I’m pretending so hard 😅
      Ooh an improv group actually sounds so fun! Thank you!!

      1. Hahaha, I know you are!!! Still your facial expressions would kill me (dying laughing) … I actually love to people watch and then I interpret what they are truly saying and feeling (LOL), great sport! You are probably better than you think – lately, I’ve been running into my favorite people (You are one of them) and finding them so critical and hard on themselves and for things not only out of their control, but usually in terms of the aspects that they are gifted in. Your personality and exceptional brain are your star qualities!! <3 and I think you unfollowed me, hope that's not b/c of my personality (LOL)!!!! 😉

        1. Ooh yes, I’m an avid people watcher too! Aw that’s so sweet and I think oftentimes we’re harder on ourselves than we realise so it’s always nice when someone reminds us of all the awesome things we have to offer. Omg I had to run and check if I accidentally unfollowed you but it says I’m still subscribed don’t worry!

  41. Love the poem, and I’m definitely becoming more introverted as I get older. Life has forced me to “people” so I guard my time off pretty viciously. It gives me a chance to recharge and recover so I can do it all again.

    1. Thanks so much. I’m the same way, I’m pretty protective of my “me time” these days. I think most of us introverts need that to recharge or we end up exhausted and drained.

      1. Very, very true. I had a couple years that used up every inch of my reserves, and I’m finding that they drain much more quickly ever since. Gotta guard that “me time” viciously!

        1. Same here, when I was younger I ended up so drained because I didn’t have enough “me time.” The world is sort of made for extroverts more so us introverts have to be extra careful not to overdo it with socialising.

  42. This is a sweet poem and a good message. Do You Proudly!!

    1. Thank you so much!

  43. It’s a lovely and relatable poem. AI image creations are still hit or miss, but these came out well.
    I think I’m an introvert. I prefer quiet spaces, isolation, and not talking unless it’s required lol. socializing leaves me very exhausted.

    1. Thank you. Yeah, I think that’s definitely the case. It took a few tries with these images but yeah I like how these ones turned out.
      I’m the same way, when I socialise I need some “me time” after to recharge or I end up exhausted.

  44. I think the main reason I’ve always had more women friends than romantic relationships is because in romantic situations most people are pretending to be someone else, more masculine or more feminine or smarter or dumber and that just turns romance into a poker tournament.

    1. That makes so much sense and I think is very accurate because when we knowingly approach someone wanting a romantic relationship we try to put our best foot forward and may even pretend to be someone we’re not. But with friends we’re much more our true selves. I think that’s why people that are friends first and happen to get into a relationship tend to stay together longer.

      1. And in my case, we’ve been more likely to stay friends after breaking up, too. But we broke up because we realized we weren’t getting married, not because of cheating or other counter-productive behavior.

        1. I’m glad you could still stay friends. Sometimes you can care about someone but just don’t see a future with them.

  45. I’m an introvert transitioning into an ambivert.
    Initially I wasn’t an introvert; the circumstances and public response played a key role.

    Pretending is a hard thing. I tried until I became rebel (against myself).
    This is true! I feel as if I’m two person in one body. Or probably I show two different sides in different situations.

    There are good chances I’m not both of this. I’m a third person having both these traits and some others.

    Usually my behaviour is normal.
    But when I get attack on my weak points — I get a slowly rising anxiety or short tempered behaviour such as anger & frustration.
    I get aggressive when I feel weak, and people fail to understand me.

    Mostly old people are ignoring. They think they’re the ones who struggle and face problems.
    We youth feel more pressure – self exploration, relationships, college, career choices etc.

    And if you have gone through past trauma — it’s hard to stop others from mocking you. They feel that you are stupid or EXAGGERATING things.

  46. Lovely poem, Pooja! 💕

    1. Thanks so much! 💕

      1. It’s always a pleasure to read you, Pooja! 💖🌹

  47. I think introverted persons are more kind to others and good listners and turn to become writers. Great Post Pooja

    1. Yes, I think that can be the case with introverts. Thanks so much.

  48. Thanks for your valuable reply

    1. My pleasure.

  49. I’m more extroverted and prefer going out and having something to do. Although, I’m not stranger to a good book and quiet time.

    1. Maybe you’re an ambivert which is like a mix of extrovert and introvert.

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