Last week, I read this post about overcoming having been othered by Tamara Kulish.
Overcoming having been othered, and why you may not be as “different” or as rejected as you might believe!
For those of you that don’t know her, she’s a fellow WordPress blogger and writes incredibly deep and reflective posts. I connect strongly with many of them and this is one of those that really stood out to me because it’s something I have experienced too. But before I get into my experience of overcoming having been othered, I hope you go over and read her post too. She very bravely shared her personal experiences and how she’s healed and moved past her trauma.
I love when people share experiences like this because so many people have been through something similar. It’s always comforting to know you’re not alone and that others have been through it as well and come out stronger.
My Experience With Overcoming Having Been Othered:
Ever since I was a child, I knew there was something different about me. I was never quite like all the other kids. It led to me often feeling left out or feeling like I didn’t belong even when I was included. Although I tried to maintain a tough exterior, on the inside I had turned into a chronic people pleaser- doing everything in my power to get people to like me. Saying/doing what I had to in order to fit in because I was scared they would see me for the fraud that I was.
One incident in particular really hurt my feelings and brought back all the negativity I had experienced growing up.
So, I have these cousins (not the cousin brothers I hang out with regularly) and, although I will say they never seemed to like me much, we were cool. We weren’t super close but we did talk sometimes and stuff. I went to university around the same time as them and I went out of my way to help them do their research etc. I even offered to speak to people at my university in Canada when they had questions and were considering studying in Canada. In the end, they chose to go to a different country on the other side of the world and I was in Canada for like five years. During that time we didn’t keep in touch much other than the occasional birthday wish or something. Then, one day I randomly realised they had all blocked me on Instagram.
Obviously, I was surprised and hurt by this. And also very confused considering I literally had not seen them in years. For a long time, I felt really hurt by their actions. I kept trying to figure out what I could have done to cause them to block me. Was I posting too much? This was back when I was posting almost daily. Did I say something or do something?
Then, I moved back to Kenya and was forced to occasionally interact with them. They pretended to be nice when my parents were around but pretty much ignored me otherwise. They would talk to my sister and say maybe a couple of words to me. It sucked and was very awkward. All those feelings I had felt growing up of feeling like I didn’t belong came rushing back.
Eventually though, I understood that it didn’t matter why they didn’t like me or that they didn’t like me. Because I liked myself. I am blessed enough to have so many people that genuinely love and care for me. So why would I care what haters think of me?
Final Thoughts
Thanks to therapy and the support of people that love me, I have realised that I am enough exactly as I am. Of course I’m not perfect but that does not mean that people get to use me and then toss me aside like I mean nothing to them once they’re done.
About this situation, I realised that I am not at fault whatsoever. If they had a personal issue with me, they could have easily chosen to speak to me about it and find a way to resolve it. Instead, they decided to be weird and make things awkward between us. In my opinion, that says so much more about them then it does about me. I’m not psychic and I’m done playing “why do you hate me” with them.
And I’m actually glad they did that because now I know which of my family members are genuine and which ones are fake ass bitches not. The universe is great at helping you get rid of what you don’t need, of what will not bring you happiness. Let it take out the trash for you, drop all that dead weight you don’t need to lug around!
What did you think about my situation of having been othered? Do you think I did the right thing by letting things go and moving on? Have you ever overcome having been othered? Let me know in the comments below because I would love to hear from you. Or simply stop by and say hi!
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