I was about 21 years old when I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. My life was not going well — I was feeling a lot of stress and anxiety. So, I decided to learn how to meditate. I found a Buddhist temple, and for about two years I went once or twice a year to meditate. It was relaxing, it made me feel good, and I learned a lot about Buddhism.
Eventually, I decided to move into the temple, and that’s when things got blurry. I don’t remember much, maybe because I was meditating too much. Or maybe it was because I had unresolved trauma, and the monks triggered something. It could also have been connected to the abuse I experienced from my parents. On top of that, the monks would tell me they had superpowers, like mind reading and telekinesis.
My reality became distorted, and I started believing I was talking to spirits and ancient masters. I grew really aggressive and disrespectful, to the point that I was kicked out of the temple and arrested when I returned after they had told me not to come back. Eventually, I ended up in a mental institution and was diagnosed for the first time.
After the diagnosis, I was put on medication, but I never received counseling, so I spent a long time trying to figure out what had happened to me. I started going to spiritual events where people practiced things like clairvoyance, psychic readings, reiki, and energy healing.
They would tell me that what I had experienced was spiritual, and that the medication was just blocking my energy. I believed them so much that I decided to stop taking my medication and let my body “heal naturally.”
That choice led to another arrest and more legal trouble. The spiritual masters were nowhere to be found and couldn’t help me with their supposed healing abilities. In fact, one even told me I was manic and should go back on medication.
That’s when I realized that most of the so-called spiritual masters probably struggle with their own mental health and may have a hard time accepting it. So, they say it’s the “great spirit” talking to them, or that they can see energy.
Although we don’t yet know the exact cause of schizoaffective disorder, we do know that one of its features is the brain producing too much dopamine, which can cause delusions and hallucinations.
Over the past few years—and after spending a lot of money—I took a psychology class at a local college and realized that there is no scientific evidence that people can see the future or heal you with reiki. Those experiences are usually based on the placebo pill effect, which has around a 30% success rate when it comes to treating depression. Basically, some people feel better simply because they believe they’re receiving real treatment, even if they’re not.
The hardest part for me was accepting that I do have a mental illness and that only modern medicine can actually help manage it. Once I accepted that, the quality of my life improved. I still believe spirituality can play a positive role in shaping good beliefs and providing a meaningful life, but when it comes to mental illness, medication has been essential for my well-being.
About The Post:
“Accepting You Have A Mental Illness” is a guest post written by Adam from nightoftheknight. If you would like to read more of his posts, I encourage all my readers to go over and check out his blog by clicking here.
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