About The Author
D.G. Kaye is a Canadian nonfiction/ memoir writer who writes about life, relationships, matters of the heart and women’s issues, and the author of eight published memoirs. She writes to inspire others by sharing her stories about events she’s encountered, and the lessons that came along with them.
D.G. loves to laugh and self-medicate with a daily dose of humor. She is an empath and fashionista, and shopper extraordinaire. When not writing intimate memoirs, you’ll find D.G. writing with humor in some of her other works and blog posts.
“My passions: obsessed with shoes, colourful sunsets, sandy beaches, and margaritas on the rocks (in no particular order). My blog is an eclectic mix of randomness, where you’ll find anything from writing tips to tales from the past, an occasional rant about injustice, spiritual awareness, relationship talk, travel tips, book reviews, author interviews, and sometimes dabbles in political poetry. It’s almost impossible for me to dwindle it down to just one niche, because it never is. I’m an eclectic memoirist and conversationalist who writes to empower by sharing slices of life.”
Book Summary
“I hurt for her. She wasn’t much of a mother, but she was still my mother.”
Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.
After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.
(Source: https://www.amazon.com/P-S-Forgive-You-Broken-Legacy-ebook/dp/B01LWOYPRP/)
My Thoughts On P. S. I Forgive You By D. G. Kaye
P. S. I Forgive You by D. G. Kaye is one of the best memoirs I have read. It revolves around D. G. Kaye’s unresolved guilt over cutting contact with her narcissistic, abusive mother and how she was confronted with that guilt during the final years of her mothers life. It also expands on how she was eventually able to resolve that guilt and process her mother’s death.
“I am free now. I have forgiven myself for banishing my mother years before her death.”
The book was extremely well written, it only took me two days to finish it. And it was so incredibly raw and honest. I think in many ways it was incredibly relatable for me as someone who deals with a narcissistic family member. In fact, some parts of it brought out my own anger and sadness because what D. G. Kaye said hit hard.
“Those with flawed egos know not what they have wrought.”
What Stood Out To Me
I think one of the most fascinating things about narcissism is that it thrives on control. Narcissistic people are obsessed with how they appear, what others think of them, what others say about them. They are obsessive about their own image. Probably because they know it’s nothing more than a lie. That if people saw what they were really like they probably wouldn’t want to be around them anymore. That’s one of the reasons I found this book so interesting, because we get to see how they got to where they are and what happens to a narcissist and abusive person when they are no longer able to control and manipulate everything and everyone around them.
“She could no longer conceal her rage with the facade she had projected in past decades.”
The chapter that stood out to me most from the entire book was called The Stone. It was a short chapter about the author and her brother picking their mother’s headstone after her death. Although it was short, it was so incredibly poignant and I think captured the dilemma of having a narcissistic family member perfectly. How we remember them becomes incredibly complicated because the feelings associated with them are so complicated. It’s every emotion between love and hate.
“I might have stayed too long, but I eventually learned to give myself permission to let go.”
Finally, I enjoyed that the book reminds us that forgiveness isn’t about the person we’re forgiving because oftentimes people don’t change. And them passing on doesn’t get rid of our pain and trauma involving them. Forgiveness is for us so that we are able to move forward without constantly being stuck in past moments that we can never change.
“A person committing a hurt may not always be deserving of forgiveness, but if we can find that place of forgiveness in our hearts, it cleanses us.”
Overall
Overall, I think this was a fantastic read. It reminded me a little of Surviving Sue by Dr. Vicki Atkinson, also an incredible memoir I read not too long ago. D. G. Kaye did an exceptional job showing what it’s like to have a parent that is emotionally abusive and incredibly narcissistic. She handled it with empathy but also honesty. The constant ups and downs, the gaslighting, the manipulations, the selfishness- it was all laid bare for the reader. As was the guilt, anger, sadness, pain, trauma and everything else that comes along with growing up that way and then having to deal with the final years of the person with whom you have such a complicated relationship with. I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone looking for an excellent memoir/non-fiction read.
If you are interested in reading P. S. I Forgive You by D. G. Kaye, you can find it on Amazon. Check out D. G. Kaye’s blog here.
For more book reviews please click here.
My first novel, Perfect, is now available on Amazon and on sale for just $0.99. If you would like to read it, please click here.
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