Some Things Never Change

Ugly duckling

Now the beautiful swan

Admired by all

Envied by so many

But behind all the botox

She was still as unhappy

As she had always been

I guess

Some things never change.

“Some Things Never Change” is something I wrote a while back. As I had mentioned, I am going to be publishing some drafts this week thanks to the flu I caught. I wrote this around the same time I published this post on body dysmorphia and the changing fashion trends. I’m not against plastic surgery or people changing their appearance. To be honest, that’s their choice. However, I just feel that when someone is deeply unhappy no amount of changing their appearance will make them happy. I read a lot about famous women who have changed so much about their appearance but still suffer from serious depression and other mental health issues. I think the best thing to do when you’re that unhappy is to get actual professional help.

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84 thoughts on “Some Things Never Change

  1. I feel like I’m going to be like this when I lose weight. I’m not happy, I’m just trying to look normal.

    Even when I do stuff people want, it’s like a bandage. It’s annoying how in our society how people lie and say be yourself and that’s the best but when you’re not hurting someone, they slander you as if their judgment of you is causing secondhand embarrassment and those people never change.

    They lie to themselves that they’re progressive and liberals and they care about certain people then cast judgment and expectations like a worm on a fishing pole. They never change because they call people hypocrites who call them out and hide and can be well hidden. :/

    1. That’s how I felt when I lost weight. I’m at the weight I want to be right now and I still feel unhappy and there are still days I hate how I look. It doesn’t end with losing weight. There is so much more work you have to do to love yourself.

      Yes, a lot of people who claim to be “open-minded” are actually extremely judgemental and not progressive. I have seen that so many times.

      1. So much more work! Fortunately progress is progress is progress. I rather progress than stay stagnant, but dang, is losing weight and gaining a different mindset hard)

        It’s like you’ll never be enough to those people and it’s hard to leave them. They’re the worse.😩🫣

        1. Very true, it’s so hard. But yes progress is better than going backwards.

          People pleasing becomes a habit and habits are tough to break 😰

          1. 😭😭 I swear! People pleasing and validation is the worst habit I learned and I’m trying to get over it. It’s taking forever but I’m trying. Progress is so hard.

  2. I find it so depressing that some people are so dissatisfied with their bodies that they feel like they have to do this, especially if they do it more than once. We need to do better as a society to make people feel accepted

    1. Yes we should!
      But the society had made an idea. They want everyone to look beautiful and attractive. You can search for what perfect jaw line looks like, then there are tips for that. Now, who decided that jaw line should look like that only? When we see more of it, we start wondering, hey maybe I also want that jawline to be good looking. Then when we achieve it, we see another factor and starts chasing it.

    2. It’s honestly so sad. I was like that but I am working hard to learn to love myself. I don’t want to change my appearance. Yes, we need to make sure people feel accepted no matter how they look. There is no perfect height, weight etc. We are all unique and that’s what makes us beautiful.

  3. Sometimes it weighs more to look better, externally, without realizing how beautiful we are inside. To reach happiness it is necessary to accept yourself as you are, at least that’s what I believe.

    Fraternal greetings.

  4. Sweet little poem.
    I think many people are unhappy with their body and appearance. Even I am. The main reason for the unhappiness or dissatisfaction is the society. The society will always judge you no matter what. If you are thin, people will say oh you are so skinny, eat something. If you are fat, people will say eat less. This mentality takes home in our minds. Then, we keep trying to be perfect according to people’s standard. I’ve lost some weight, now people are telling me don’t do too much or you need to do more in certain areas. So this makes me wonder, what is that people wants from me?
    Those who are fit, wants to get fitter, because they are trying to find perfection. People go for surgery, because they are not satisfied with their looks, why? Because others give them unsolicited advice. We always work for the approval and we never get the approval. I know, when I will lose certain amount of weight, people will try to put me down with their ideas.

    1. I have another opinion in that:
      People who undergo sex change, ends up to be satisfied many a times. Like if a person feels that there’s a girl/boy trapped inside them and they want to change. That change makes them happy. I feel, this is normal. They may face pressure from the society about their behaviour. They may get daily taunt. But,that surgery makes them satisfied. I’ve seen many cased personally, where people got surgery to be with the person they love and they end up to be happy.

      1. Yes, so true. I definitely think some people feel trapped with the wrong body and if changing their gender helps them feel happy that’s wonderful.

    2. Hi Devang! I couldn’t help but notice your jaw line comment above. I actually just recently had jaw surgery this past August. Yes, while it’s considered aesthetic and my insurance wouldn’t cover it (I paid out of pocket), I needed to get it d/t bruxism (teeth grinding), TMJ, jaw cracking, and relentless headaches. For me, it was a necessity more than a luxury. The added bonus are the aesthetic improvements, but it’s not the primary reason why I got it done.

      1. Respected Hilary, I meant no disrespect with that reference. I was trying to mention how certain people try to publicize the ways to get “perfect”. This makes many people wonder that they are not good enough and they need modifications. I meant no disrespect towards anyone who needs surgery out of necessity.
        I hope, you are recovering well.
        Best wishes and take good care. 🙌🏻

        1. No worries, just wanted to mention the jaw surgery thing. Despite it being an aesthetic procedure (similar to plastic surgery), it’s sometimes needed for medical reasons. In my country, they don’t recognize it as ‘necessary’ and therefore, it’s pay out of pocket.

          If someone was getting the same procedure done just to change the shape of their jaw, then that would indeed be for aesthetic reasons. I don’t suggest getting this surgery unless it’s absolutely necessary. The recovery is extensive and very painful. It can take up to a year to fully recover! 😬

          1. In india too, surgeries are not covered in insurance. Even for dental procedure, you need to pay everything at once.
            How are you Hillary? How’s your medium adventures going??
            Sending you some positive vibes.

            1. Some surgeries are covered by the Canadian health care system and some are not. Dental surgery is often (but not always) excluded, which I personally find unfortunate. As for jaw surgery, insurance refused to cover it, so I was forced to pay all of it at once.

              Thanks for asking Devang! I am doing okay. I ended up going back to work mid-October and still work weekends. As for Medium, I’m at 977 followers now- one article gained 2.4K claps (which is good in the Medium world) but then the views stopped and things have been slow ever since. Hoping to reach 1,000 followers by the end of the year! Although I still recommend Medium as a blogging platform, I’m grateful that I didn’t abandon my hobby blog entirely.

    3. Thank you.
      I think we all have insecurities and things we don’t like about ourselves. Yes, you will never be perfect and even if you are society will find a way to criticise you. It effects people so much especially when they are younger. When I lost weight people started telling me I look “too thin” and don’t lose any. more weight.
      I think instead of looking for approval we should focus on trying to be healthy. That’s what I am working on right now.

      1. As I’m working towards healthy lifestyle. I’m getting lots of unsolicited advice, about I’m doing too much, and now it’s sufficient.
        I still sometimes get influenced towards perfection. But, overall I want to be able.
        Also, sending you some good vibes. Take good care. Eat healthy, drink plenty and I hope you get better soon. 💐 👈🏻 Is not for eating.
        This is for eating 👉🏻 🥦🥒🥬🥑🍅🥥🍇🥝🥕🥔🍍(vegan for sure)

  5. It just goes to prove that happiness (with your body or anything really) is fleeting. Go for joy instead. We love you just the way you are. There will always be naysayers. Screw them! You do you!

  6. I don’t think people can be truly happy without finding something that brings joy to their lives. Physical appearance fades with time. Having things that makes you feel content lasts for as long as you do.

    1. I absolutely agree. Our physical appearance is constantly changing and it won’t ever be “perfect.” Other things that last are way more likely to make us happy.

  7. I don’t know a single human who is 100% happy with their bodies, especially women. There is always something we want to change, that we are never satisfied with.

  8. Frankly I’ve come to the terms that people can decide for themselves as long as they are making educated choices not uninformed. And like your title says, I can only add that we have no control over others. So letting others decide for themselves is the best choice. Btw this flu is really bringing some good posts out of you. Keep writing, it pushes me to post something too.

  9. A great post and so sad Pooja!
    One of the biggest problems I find with clients is finding fault and judging themselves for any array of reasons. Sadly, no matter what we look like, most people tend to judge ourselves by unrealistic standards arbitrarily set by society. We are our own worse enemies and learning to love ourselves, is vital!
    Hope you’re feeling better!

    1. Thanks so much! Sorry to hear that about your clients but it’s true we all judge ourselves so harshly. It’s sad that it’s so hard to love ourselves in this society. Thanks so much, I’m a bit better 🥰

  10. Happy is as happy does but not necessarily how it looks. I gave a niece who has lost a massive amount of weight through gastric banding and then surgery to remove the excess skin. She had struggled all her life with her weight. Now she is glowing and healthy, athletic and beautiful. She is always smiling and s arms ecstatic but i wouldn’t know for sure as I’ve only seen her posts on social media. The virtual world offers us the opportunity to be perceived anyway in which we choose – that is its magical allure. Happy is a transient mood I prefer peaceful, it hangs around a little longer

    1. Yes, you’re right. These days people are able to create social profiles that are very different from their true selves. We try to post the highlights of our life online but the truth is we all have our lows. I’m glad your niece seems happy and I hope she is. I agree, peace is worth so much but for me it’s been the hardest to achieve.

  11. Nice lines.
    Well, i think seeking professional help is better than stressing about it.
    Though, i am happy the way i am🙂
    Hope you are feeling better, Pooja

  12. I think this is all because of our judgmental society who decides their own beauty standards and makes others feel bad about their body, looks etc.
    We should change our thinking that’s the most important.

  13. Yes, if a person isn’t truly happy on the inside, changing their appearance isn’t going to work. Making the outside of the body more beautiful will only add to the happiness that one has on the inside, it will not create happiness inside unless it’s already there. Good post Pooja.

    1. I absolutely agree. If someone is already unhappy they will remain so no matter how they look. You need to work on your mental health to get better. Thanks so much.

  14. You can’t paint over emotional issues, as the issues only surface during deeper conversation where they can be properly explored. It is a good post, particularly in the age where image seems to be everything …

  15. I don’t mind when people go under minor surgeries which either shapes or highlight facial features but what I seem horrible is when people go under repetitive surgeries altering the dame feature more than once which ended up leaving unrecoverable scars like donatella the founder of versace. Extremity never satisfies a person but at some point, we learn and unlearn things regarding beauty standards.

    1. Yes, Donatella’s surgery is extreme. I also have a serious issue when people go through plastic surgery and lie about it. That makes it seem like their physical changes are naturally achievable when in reality they are not.

  16. I think of people start taking their mental health seriously, they will feel good and healthy the way they are. The pressure of society is so much that cloud our minds and make us feel negative about ourselves. Daily writing a gratitude journal, praying, meditation can keep us calm and focus on positivity.

  17. This is such an important conversation to have. The big thing is if you are comparing yourself to others than you HAVE to surround yourself around others that are full of confidence. Their energy will rub off on others.

    1. Yeah, that’s so true. People who are confident in themselves are a good influence on others especially those struggling with self-esteem issues.

  18. You are sooooo right that something never change. If every woman goes through cosmetic surgery to look like the most beautiful movie star… I mean if that is the case, the world would invent another way to ridicule women. That is something that will never change.

    1. That’s the thing. What is considered “beautiful” changes all the time. What is in right now will be out the next day. Women will never be good enough in societies eyes.

      1. You’re welcome! I think this one kind of prompted my brain to think of specific people I know. I have no problems with changing exterior appearances but I always hope it’s coupled with interior happiness, too.

        1. I feel the same way. I’m not against people changing their appearance if they want to. But I just hope they’re happy on the inside too.

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