Stuck In The Past

On The Brink Of Collapse

Stuck in the past Desperately trying to Turn back time Turn back to The person I used to be When I had hope When I had faith I had so much hope That things would get better That I would finally be free The present Is not the future I wanted to create for myself The person in the mirror Is not who I ever wanted to be I’ve become my own Worst enemy And time Is my sidekick

About The Poem:

“Stuck In The Past” ended up being more depressing than I initially thought it would be. But it’s okay. Sometimes I edit old posts and think of who I used to be. I was so much more ambitious and much less cautious. I used to wear rose-colored glasses and think that I would achieve all my goals. Growing up forcing us to be more realistic and abandon some goals that were near and dear to us.

However, I really can’t complain (even though I always do). I did abandon some parts of me and some of my goals but I also achieved many of them. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to create multiple successful businesses and work full-time from home in their pjs. And everyday I work towards other goals too. So overall, I am happy with what I have achieved. It’s just I miss the old Pooja sometimes, I miss not knowing all the horrible things about the world I know now. I miss having faith in humanity. But that Pooja is gone and I need to accept that.

For anyone that is about to say, you can go back to that person. I don’t think I can. As a historian I know too much about the past and present to have faith in most humans and humanity as a whole. And I’m okay with that. In some ways I’m better off now. I would rather accept reality and be a pessimist. I’ve made peace with that.

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107 thoughts on “Stuck In The Past

  1. Forgetting the past is a difficult thing to do when there are many unresolved issues or unfulfilled goals. Holding on and focusing on the present to achieve a better future is the best thing we can do. This is a masterpiece ๐Ÿ‘

  2. โ€œTo love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance!โ€ Oscar Wilde.
    I hope you become your own friend whether stuck or unstuck.
    I wish you all the best, Pooj!

  3. The past is to learn from not to dwell on in discouragement. I’m glad for all of my mistakes as they taught me what needed to be done to achieve fulfillment in life. The important thing is to be content in the present.

  4. This poem resonates with me. I prefer to say that I am an optimistic pessimist. I see chances of achieving some goals dwindling, but still a thin thread of a chance remaining.

    I blame the 80s and 90s, where the mantra was you can achieve anything you put your mind to. What was missing in that statement is that you may not be able to do everything you want, depending resources available to you. Focus and perseverance are the key. I am still working on those two things, lol.

    View the dreams as water with a clear coating of ice on top. When you encounter the ice, it cracks and changes your view of the water. You can continue to chip at the ice and break through to the water or wait for the season to change and the ice to melt.

    Donโ€™t try waiting if you are in the Antarctic. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I hope you get some sleep.

    1. Yes, that’s so true. Growing up in the 90’s your really felt like you could achieve anything. But you get older and realise it’s just not possible for everyone.

      That’s a great way of looking at it as long as I’m in a warm climate lol. Thanks.

  5. There’s a lot to digest here. The poem is indeed thought-provoking, as another reader says. I guess what I take from it and your post is, as we grow and learn, we invariably become disenchanted with parts of life when we realize the ideals of our youth may be hard or impossible to achieve, as we realize not everyone is working for the greater good. It’s okay though, in the end, if we focus on and celebrate making small changes that make the world a little better.

    1. Thanks so much. Yes, it can be disenchanting to realise these things when you grow up. But I think I’m okay with them and I’m fine with knowing the world isn’t a great place overall. You’re right focusing on the small changes and the little good stuff helps a lot.

      1. Youโ€™re welcome! Thatโ€™s goodโ€ฆ itโ€™s important to learn acceptance vs trying to change *everything.*

  6. someone very wise once said…
    ” One step backwards, two steps forward”… ๐Ÿ˜‹

    Have a lovely day, Pooja.๐Ÿค๐Ÿค—

  7. I dig this line….

    “That I would finally be free

    The present

    Is not the future

    I wanted to create for myself

    The person in the mirror

    Is not who I ever wanted to be”

  8. Hindsight is a bugger. Reality bites, and comes back for seconds. I enjoyed this, because it’s a phase we all endure, and perhaps several we get older, we realize that the opportunity may have passed, but it did not miss us. Life is a circle. As long as there is breath, old dreams are still possible. Perhaps not the way we envisioned them, but still possible. I enjoy your writing Pooja. ๐Ÿ™โค๏ธโค๏ธ

  9. There is an expression: “The devil is in the details.” When I was a child, my science teachers were all idiots. When they over-simplified subjects and encouraged ‘creativity’ without explaining that there were many details that you would learn when you were older, they destroyed the many children who are not born geniuses. Most 10-year-olds (or younger) are not capable of doing significant scientific experiments, or understanding history… toy science is not real science, and playing war is not the same as going to real war… With the exception of a few geniuses, children are full of mostly false information which does not justify thinking they can do real things in the actual complicated world. They learn a little at a time through “play” in all its educational aspects, but they temporarily have “toy” or “play” knowledge, not rocket science that would fly a cow over the moon. They can play Superman, but they can’t be Superman or any other fantasy character. And now we have adults who are still children and have faux abilities and limited understanding of the world’s real dynamics. And now court jesters and clowns are in charge of the government. Very dangerous.

    1. Unfortunately, we have a lot of adults that believe everything they hear and are unable to actually understand how facts and science work. But as a historian, I can assure you this is nothing new. There were and are always going to be groups of people that refuse to accept reality.

  10. I often wonder what the person I was in my youth would make of the person I’ve become. I’d love to go back and visit, to feel that idealistic naivety again.

  11. I sometimes think of my younger self.
    He was so naive about so many things

    He didn’t respected women as I do

    And he did many stupid things in the name of love and I want to beat that Devang, because it wasn’t worth it.

    I don’t know which pooja was better, the one in funky glasses or this one.

    The quality of your work has improved a lot over the time.

    You are now more confident and strong woman

    And now you are old with wrinkles ๐Ÿ˜›

    Keep thriving PG

    1. Younger Pooja was an awful adjacent person and quite dumb but I do miss her. She was much more naive and therefore optimistic. But life goes on, we live and learn and grow.
      Yes, look at me at the ripe old age of 26 ๐Ÿ˜…

  12. I do take a trip to my past once in a while and wish I had done certain things differently. But whatever choices I made then has brought me here: today.
    Be proud of your achievements! You have come a long way ๐Ÿป

  13. Wonderful post Pooja ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ it really made me think and realised how much I changed and achieved goals in past few years.
    Keep it up lovely ๐Ÿ˜Š

  14. Change is hard. And sometimes going back and reclaiming your cheery self is not an option. You have come a long way Pooja and you are inspiring everyone around you including bloggers worldwide by choosing the new you.

    1. Yes, that’s exactly true. Going back isn’t an option and that’s what makes change difficult. Thanks so much, I really appreciate that.

  15. I have hope in the world. Giving it expectations and holding people accountable is enough. If one believes something wonโ€™t change, then they wonโ€™t work towards the change.

    I know me as a little small pea, cannot do to help anyone, but I know for a fact that I at least cared. Just because a percentage of people are extremely bad doesnโ€™t mean the human race is bad. I donโ€™t feel like youโ€™re bad, in fact, I have a very neutral opinion towards you based on my morality because I donโ€™t know you.

    But, the thing is, the past is the past. Itโ€™s probably just a survivorship bias or feeling miserable (not saying you are) and not having responsibilities or a care. The thing is, when I was younger, my life was terribleโ€”absolutely. Not as bad as some peopleโ€™s but bad yet I lament about the good old days where I was unaware because it meant I didnโ€™t have to think that hard but it didnโ€™t solve anything. I was mad about being born.

    A lot of things require editing and editing over and over and having faith in the project or the assignment. Life can be like that. Acting too. Changing and going with it. Imagine if you still had the mindset when you were younger or didnโ€™t get to have experiences.

    1. Definitely always keep caring, I definitely care a lot too and when I can make a positive change I try to. But as a whole I don’t see humanity improving or changing for the better. I’m glad you have a more optimistic outlook. Hold on to that because being a pessimist is exhausting. I’m trying to be a more positive person but when you’ve spent years learning about the bad stuff it’s hard to focus on the good.

      1. Iโ€™m still a pessimistic type, just not with that. I truly believe we can improve, we have potential, but I donโ€™t know if we will.

        1. Fingers crossed. Be prepared for both disappointment and a positive outcome don’t just focus too hard on one. That’s what my therapist tells me.

  16. The past of our lives are gone. If we could turn back time, what would we do differently? We learn from the mistakes, we grow stronger, but forgetting is hard to do. Nice poem, very thought provoking. Thanks for sharing. Have a great week.

    1. Thank you so much. Yes, it’s necessary to change and grow but sometimes it’s hard to forget the past. Have a great week too.

  17. That’s the funny part about writing. Sometimes when I write casually I end up writing something deep and kind of dark. History is sort of like historical fiction when you really think about it.

  18. โ€œOLD POOJA G IS BACK!โ€๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  19. I appreciate the poem, sad as it is. I have a friend a little older who does not follow the news or generally what’s happening in the world. He really does this, and I should remember when I bring up current events. And I don’t always like to know the world as it is and often think and write alternatives. But still I know, and I guess like you that has to be all right.

  20. I loved it!! I can definitely relate. Itโ€™s hard to look forward when you loved that past girl so much. But we are who we are because of her..

  21. The past is actually not easy to let go especially when you’re unable to achieve some of dreams. One just need to live for the moment and hope for a better future

    1. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to let go of the past. Especially when you aren’t where you thought you would be in the present. That’s true, it’s best to focus on the future.

  22. I hear this! I totally hear this!

    Iโ€™m finding that switching off, is really helping. Getting off social media, reducing contact via apps and forcing social interactions instead of endless emails or WhatsApp messages, and it is helping to bring back some of the wonder in life, because itโ€™s not all there all the time.

    I donโ€™t want to sound hopelessly optimistic because Iโ€™m really not, but I do think if you dig deep in the right moments, you can find that person and those moments are so wonderful.

    Sending warmth.

    1. Thanks so much. I’m trying to take time off most social media too. And that does help. I’m also planning to travel more which I’m hoping will make me feel better. Glad you’re feeling better too and spending more time in the real world which I think is always a good idea.

  23. Just this week Iโ€™ve learned that a majority of Britons donโ€™t find gollywog dolls racist. Just made me think how much outward talk of being against racism must be pathetically shallow. Just one example of things which constantly astound me in daily life! I didnโ€™t even know gollywog dolls existed until i went to uni and yet itโ€™s self explanatory. ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ

    1. I learnt about them in uni too and yes they are obviously incredibly racist. I think a lot of people who claim to be anti-racist don’t really know what it means to be anti-racist. And many just hide their true opinions and feelings. Which is sad but also very much a reality.

      1. Yes totally agree! I definitely think that some people actually think itโ€™s about what you express, for example owning gollywogs being fine but not displaying them ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ. I saw many people expressing that opinion this week, seemingly unaware. At least the younger people in a poll i did about it were much better.

        1. I feel like some people don’t think private/closeted racism is bad when in reality it’s just as bad as people being openly racist. Glad the younger people were more aware of the racism behind gollywogs and why it would be racist to own them.

  24. interesting i was thinking of this recently and how im growing up and im not the same.. like i was watching some cartoons and i couldn’t focus or enjoy. i used to love these cartoons, but now i cant sit easily without THINKING of what else i should be doing.
    most of my growing up is good but i got a little sad that some things i just cant enjoy anymore like i used to. now im thinking of “the grind” not my goals or dreams lol but ya know what, i go back and forth. some days im down and go yes i can reach my goals, and the next day i could be like, whats the point! but idk i guess thats life just gotta be grateful when i can. thanks for sharing your poems!

    1. Same here. It’s those little things that I miss and that make me sad about growing up. The disillusionment that comes with being an adult doesn’t help.
      True, it’s just a part of life and sometimes realistically we have to focus on paying bills more than achieving our dreams.

  25. I thought I have already commented, but then I can’t find my comment. LOL. I guess the wp ghost is working again. Yes, finding ourselves and mapping a path for ourselves are not really easy, and we also have to be flexible enough to make changes and determined enough to strive forward. It is not easy and we just have to do the best to make ourselves happy while taking care of ourselves and our future.

    1. Lol maybe you read the post and thought I’ll comment later and forgot. That happens to me sometimes. Or the WP ghost is out to get you lol.
      True, it’s very difficult when we grow up and have to plan the future out. And being happy as an adult is tough too.

  26. This poem is great and super-relatable. I think one way we sometimes get stuck in the past is that we stop casting a new vision for our futures when we reach a certain age. So we end up grieving our young selves’ vision for a long time because your older/wiser self doesn’t cast its own new vision to take its place.

    1. Yeah, that definitely is part of the problem. The more desensitised we become about the world around us the less we create dreams for the future. Life becomes quite stale because of that and we end up missing our past selves.

  27. Great poem and very relatable it’s so true we always think back to our younger selves when things seemed simpler and not knowing the things that we know now and also great to see how far we have come and how much we have grown

  28. Living in present forget past and future is tough but I think concentration on present work load can help to forget all and that can take to good future.

    1. Yes, I think concentrating on the present can really help. Still once in a while we think of the past. And I think that’s the best case scenario.

  29. Very powerful piece on the benefits of both perspectives – nostalgia can be so restricting if you get sucked down that anxiety rabbit hole of mourning past regrets and ‘what if’ alternatives, but knowing how far you’ve matured since then can be a big comfort too ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thanks so much. True, spending too much time thinking of the past is damaging but remembering how much we’ve grown helps a lot. I think it’s a more healthy way to think of the past rather than missing it too much.

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