My family was created through foster care adoption. When I married my husband, that is the last thing that I thought would happen. But now it feels like the most obvious outcome; like it was always supposed to happen. And I can’t begin to imagine life without my kids. Our adoption journey started when we didn’t get
pregnant like we expected. It was very painful at the time but if you believe things happen for a reason, like I do, then the reason is obvious. We were meant to be parents to our four children.
The whole process took almost a year. We started the classes in June of 2007, got approved in August of 2007, got matched in January of 2008, brought our boys home in February of 2008, and finalized in May of 2008. Looking at the time-line now, it all seems super fast. But, it did not feel that way then.
We were in the dark a lot through the process and spent a lot of time and self-advocating. It had its frustrating moments but it ended happy. We learned some things along the way and I thought I would share them with you.
1. Did you know that there are about 104,000 kids in foster care who are currently available for adoption?
These are the kids whose biological parents’ rights have already been terminated. They officially need a family. So, if you are worried that you will bond with a child who will then be returned to their biological family, that is not going to happen. Yes, in general, a major goal is biological reunification. But for these kids, the parental rights have already been terminated. These kids are simply living a foster care life until if and when someone decides to adopt them or until they age out of the system.
2. You don’t have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to adopt.
Not counting the toys that we rushed out to buy for our early visits with the boys, I think that all we spent was $55 for a background check. The home study was free, the court costs were free, the lawyer was free, whatever other random expenses that I can’t think of right now were free.
See, that’s the thing with adoption from foster care, it’s non-profit. They are not looking to make money. They are trying to get these kids out of the system and into homes. I mean, if you want to be practical about it, it probably costs the states less to cover the court costs, etc, than to continue to completely financially support a child. So, yes, you should have a large enough income to care for a child. But, no, you don’t have to hand over that arm and leg to be given the opportunity to do so.
3. If you have heard that it’s hard to get a baby through foster care, you have heard right.
If you are determined to start with a baby, then you might consider fostering first and waiting to see if the parental rights are terminated. That is an option. But you will find yourself risking having to say good-bye if the biological parents work the case plan and get their lives together which is a good thing, of course. If you are a stronger person than I am and can handle the potential loss to get the eventual gain, then it could work out. After all, babies need loving homes, too.
4. Free College
Let me say that again, free college! Kids from foster care are eligible for free college tuition in many states. This is definitely true in Florida, but other states have programs, as well. We found this out after the boys were already with us and, man, was it awesome news. Knowing that their college is covered is a major relief. Now we can focus on making sure that they go.
5. In many cases, you will even get some financial help
I don’t know if other people know this, but we sure didn’t. Many kids come with monthly assistance/subsidy until the age of 18, especially sibling groups and kids with special needs (this includes disabilities and those that have a harder time getting adopted, i.e. minorities). This saved us, particularly when it was clear that I couldn’t keep up with my job and my parenting duties. When our daughter entered the picture, I ended up staying home with the kids and we were able to stay afloat.
6. Adoption Tax Credit
This is another little benefit that we learned about as we were signing some of our final paperwork. In Florida, for five years per eligible child, you get a tax credit. Several other states offer a tax credit, as well.
7. One that is close to my heart. Race.
Statistically, there are more African American children in the foster care system. I don’t know the number and I don’t know exactly why. We can talk about socio-economic levels, educational levels, etc. But, the point is that minorities, especially African Americans are not the minority in the foster care system. But, all the time, there are more and more transracial families being created through adoption.
Some people think that it’s a big deal, some think it’s not, and some don’t know what to think. But, if you consider adopting from foster care, you have to consider whether you are ok with adopting outside of your race if you are, in fact, white.
For us, we knew that we didn’t care. But, we did worry about whether others would care. And, one of the first things that we worried about was hair care. We went right to the practical issues. But, when we got the call from the case worker, asking if we would like to be considered for our boys and she stated that they were African
American; we knew one thing for sure. We didn’t care. Not a bit. Yes, there will be issues involved and it does add another layer of “stuff” to deal with. But, there is stuff to deal with no matter what your parenting situation.
We have had awkward and complicated conversations about race. We have worried about them and obsessed about whether we are exposing them to enough of their culture. I don’t know whether we have or not. I just know that when you’re home, doing your thing, it won’t matter. When you are watching a movie, playing a board game, or yelling at them to brush their teeth; the color of their skin won’t be a blip on the radar. Believe me, it won’t.
The More You Know
When we went through the process, we had no idea what we were doing. We just knew we wanted to be parents and were willing to jump through all the hoops to make it happen. There is no doubt that going through the process was emotionally exhausting but I have no doubt that going through the pregnancy and labor process
is pretty dang exhausting, too. Adopting from foster care was was absolutely the best decision that we ever made. Ever. It brought these kids into our lives. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
This wonderful guest posts about foster care adoption was written by Emily from the6parkers.com. If this post resonated with you and you want to read more about her journey with foster care adoption and more, feel free to visit the blog. I really enjoy it and I’m sure you will too!
For more guest posts please click here.
To read more posts about mental health related topics please click here.
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72 thoughts on “Becoming A Family Through Foster Care Adoption”
I didn’t know that you were a foster parent. God bless you! Seriously. Those kids are lucky to have you. You made me consider a foster child when I never would have considered one before. You did your good deed for the year 🙂
Great Read Can i leave my thoughts ?! –
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Great post. Adoption is so special. We adopted our baby boy and have our final hearing next week! 💙
Congratulations! I know it will be such a relief when it is 100% official!
Great guest post! We’ve been considering adoption and our church offers help, so we’re optimistic 😊 One year is very fast. It takes longer where I live.
Thank you! And I wish you luck if you choose to adopt! A year seemed like forever, at the time, but in hindsight, it definitely could have been worse.
Very informative, thanks for sharing
What a wonderful share by Emily!!
I’ve learned a lot of new things.
I will check out her work for sure. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much!
A very guiding post by you Emily.
In India this process is bit different. But, people should be aware and understand the importance of adoption.
Thanks for sharing. Have a peaceful time ahead 🙇🏻♂️
Thank you, I hope you have a great night/day! I’m curious about how different it is?
Some normal rules like
Adoptive parents should be financially, mentally and physically stable. They should not have any life threatening disease.
Should not be below age 25 and above 55. Their total age should be less than 110 years.
Single female can adopt any gender, however male cannot adopt female child.
This process can take 3-4 years, as it depends on courts, referral etc.
The marriage of couple should be stable and should be atleast 2 years old.
Low income family is allowed to adopt if they provide information of own house and assets.
Then proper documentation is needed like medical certificate of both, bank details, proof of citizenship, reference from 3 or more people.
So interesting! Thanks!
Very interesting! My sister adopted from China (one normal adoption that took about five years and two special needs adoptions that took far less.) I love my nieces and nephew and they were definitely meant to be my sister and brother-in-law’s kiddos, but your guest blog post interests me. I have four biological children, but they are grown/almost grown (minus Child #3, who is special needs.) I’m wondering. What does God have in store for me?
If you do decide to explore it, I’m happy to answer any questions that I can! It sounds like you have a wonderful family! ❤️
Emily has provided many practical and useful tips.
My brother-in-law adopted from foster care, and it was a journey, but my nieces are amazing. I love them so much. Great guest speaker Pooja.
Thank you! Yes, it is definitely a journey! So glad they are part of your family. ❤️
It is heartbreaking to consider how many foster children there are. 💔 Thank goodness there are angels among us who open their homes and hearts to children.
It really is so heartbreaking! We are actually in the process of getting licensed again. I’m a bit afraid to start it again but I also feel like I “have” to.
If you are feeling that then there is a reason to move forward. Best wishes to you and thanks for the response.
Thanks! All the best to you, too!
Such a wonderful share, Emily.
informative and truthful which is appreciated. 🤍
Thanks to our precious Pooja for sharing this🤍🌹
Thank you, Destiny! And I’m so grateful that Pooja let me guest post! ❤️
my pleasure, Emily. 🤍
Amazing share, Emily.
Thank you for all the tips.
That was interesting. My mother in law fostered children assigned to her by government agencies when these babies were abandoned at birth and she did that in her retirement while government found suitable adoptive parents. She fostered dozens until ageing forced her to discontinue her charitable acts. She received an award for her years of charity.
Wow, your mother-in-law sounds like an amazing person. Thanks for sharing that. I’m sure she gave those babies so much love that they desperately needed.
Emily, you did such a great job. Adopting kids is one of the best things one can do. Your kids must be very lucky to have a mother like you!! 😌
I’m truly impressed by the initiatives taken by the government to promote adoption in the states. That’s something all the other countries must practice as well.
Thank you! I drive my kids crazy, I’m sure, haha, but we were definitely meant to be together! I agree, people don’t realize all the extra benefits that come along with it.
So happy for you and your family.😌
My eldest son has adopted three boys. I’m full of admiration.
Props to your son! It’s such a fulfilling way to become a parent. ❤️
I admire those who adopt. It’s a wonderful to give youth a fresh chance in life.
I’m so glad we did it!
I worked closely with the foster care program in my last position and some of it scarred me for life. God bless anyone who gets one of those kids out of the system!
I can only imagine what it was like for you! The system, unfortunately, is very flawed. I’m so glad that at least my 4 aren’t living that reality anymore. Sigh.
This is an amazing post that really opened my heart to the power of adoption! I love that there are many benefits that come with adoption and hope that it helps to get kids in touch with their forever families. <3
Thank you for reading! The government doesn’t always get things right, haha, but they got that right!
Wow! What a great insight into adopting. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading!
This was an incredibly moving and important message. Thank you for reposting!
God bless you.
Wonderful post! My sister and brother-in-law adopted their two boys forty years ago and it was a blessing for all parties. Thank you for sharing!
That’s so wonderful, happy to share it!
Thank you! So happy for your family!
I would like to adopt someday.
I hope you can, that would be amazing.
It’s an amazing experience! I’m happy to answer any questions that I can or at least steer you in the right direction! (When the time comes)
This was such an informative and heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your adoption journey and all the valuable information you’ve learned along the way. I was wondering, do you have any advice for someone who might be considering foster care adoption but is nervous about the potential challenges that may arise?
I would recommend checking her site as it has advice on foster care adoption or reaching out via email in case she misses this comment. She’s super helpful and I’m sure it’ll help you to talk to her one on one!
Thank you, Pooja!
Thank you! Here’s my email if you feel like reaching out – firstname.lastname@example.org
My best advice would be to remember you aren’t alone and go in with an awareness that there will be challenges (which sounds like you have). The required classes provide a lot of information and there are also post adoption services and also support groups that could be helpful.
These kids have gone through trauma so some issues are inevitable but I always reminded myself that there are issues with parenting in any capacity. And the bond you have when you come out the other side is incredibly fulfilling. ❤️
You also have access to the child’s complete history so you can know what you are getting into (to a certain degree).
Love your wonderful post. Actually when I was a kid, I often wished that my parents were not my parents and my “real” parents would come to rescue me. And adoption is such a beautiful thing to do and I hope kind-hearted normal people would adopt more children. And free college is such a good thing for foster children. I just googled and in NJ, there’s a program to help pay for foster kids’ tuition too.
Thanks for reading! Glad to hear that NJ helps with college, too!
Thanks for sharing what the foster care system is like. I’m currently watching Small Business Revolution on YouTube, and Season 4 is in Searcy, Arkansas. That town does a lot of work to help foster kids, and one of the businesses they feature, Arganic, said that they want to hire children from the foster care system because so many of them go from foster care to homeless
That’s amazing! Thanks for sharing that!
That’s great that they found some great kids to adopt and so happy for the kids too. It is sad that there are so many children in foster care and for various sad reasons too. But I’m happy to hear about this positive turn around. Great job with the post and thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Thanks so much! It truly is heartbreaking how many kids are in the system!
Yes it is. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
You’re very welcome!
Such a wonderful story and so needed for people to learn all of the options out there that otherwise might not be. Great interview!!! 💞
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
🙏🏼 I so did! ❣️
You guys are legends. Good on you
I love this post! When my partner and I are ready for kids, we plan to adopt! 🙂