Mental Glitch

An itch to twitch, to blink and flinch

This mental glitch treats me like its bitch

Why do it once when you can do it ten times

Though the first was alright, it doesn’t feel fine

Subjected to ritual without consent

Oh my, where have all those hours went

When I could have done ten things once

But instead did one thing ten times

Filled with vague anxieties all day

Sometimes specified, rattling

Nothing seems to keep them long at bay

Except for sleep, which I indulge in gladly

It’s often hard to focus, sadly

Except on what I don’t want to

Repetitive movements and thought-pollution

Has my mind got a permanent flu?

Reader, I’m glad it’s not you.

About “Mental Glitch”:

“Mental Glitch” was inspired by my personal experiences with mental health, especially Tourette’s syndrome and OCD. I’ve struggled with symptoms of Tourette’s and OCD for as long as I can remember. They reared their heads in early childhood. I’ve learned to manage them better over time, but they’ve stayed with me and remain very frequent.

On an average day, you can expect me to tic several times on any given minute of every waking hour. I also have regular intrusive thoughts. All of this worsens with stress, and – as you might imagine – contributes to it as well. A nasty loop. They interfere heavily in everyday life. For example, they can make me take several times longer to perform basic tasks, make it difficult to relax, and repeatedly break my focus.

I think many people (understandably) don’t fully understand or have direct experience with how hindering these conditions can be. Additionally, for someone like me, “masking” these symptoms has become a lifestyle. I don’t normally talk about them, and I certainly wouldn’t have shared all of this online even a few years back.

I think there needs to be openness and dialogue about these things, though. They have a massive impact on so many people. I think sharing more about what it’s like to live with these conditions can help people discuss them honestly, with understanding and empathy.

About The Author:

Originally from the United States, Braden Laster now resides in the mythical land of Finland, following his “Great Migration” halfway across the world. Other than learning a mysterious elvish language, his days are often spent writing poetry, fiction, and occasionally other things. Reading, researching, and pondering are other frequent pastimes.

He also enjoys having in-depth conversations on subjects such as psychology and philosophy. If you ever cross his path, say hi! He’d love to chat with you over coffee. Braden lives in a comfy apartment with his amazing wife and their two cats.

As you can tell, this post was not written by me. It’s written by the very talented Braden from Caffeinated Philosophy. I absolutely love his content and wanted to encourage anyone who enjoyed this poem to go over to his blog for similar content.

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55 thoughts on “Mental Glitch

  1. Your poem reminded me of something my 6-year old said a couple weeks ago. She used the words “corrupted glitch” in a sentence and it actually made sense. What 6-year old understands what a corrupted glitch is? I figure she heard it from a youtuber or something.

    P.S. You can bet that I tried reading your poem backwards. I can’t help it! 😂😅

    1. Sounds like a smart kid! Maybe they heard it from somewhere, or they could have a high verbal intelligence.

      I’ll have to try that!

      Thanks for the read and comment, Hilary. 🙏

      1. My daughter didn’t really start talking until she was 3 years old. Some of her first words were “all fall down”, turquoise, and rainbow.

  2. With topics like these, I don’t have anything specific to say.

    I’m sure the writer who’s suffering from this, knows how to handle them. I can’t and won’t give any unsolicited advice.

    But, I’m glad that author shared it. Just because we cannot always see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
    Yes, people live with such feelings and they show tremendous resilience to manage it.

    A great share, will read more from the author. Best wishes 🌺

    1. I’ve learned ways of coping with it over the years, though it’s still difficult and I hope to get treatment in the future. It would save a lot of time and energy that’s being wasted. It definitely takes resilience. 😅

      Thanks, Devang! Best wishes to you, too. 🙏

  3. Wonderful poem Pooja – thank you sharing. We all have our glitches. It’s the hiding these conditions that might be part of the problem. Better to live in a world where we can accept people for their glitches – they don’t feel like they have to hide them. 🙏

    1. I completely agree with you, AP. Even though we don’t all have the same problems, we have our own glitches that can make life very difficult for us sometimes. It would be best to live it a world where that’s accepted so we can support each other rather than feeling afraid to share. Maybe we can create that world. Thank you. 🤍

  4. a lovely share… Braden’s poetry touch depths and truths… there’s always something wonderful to read over at his blog. 🤍✨

    1. Thanks for reading, Cindy! I feel both relieved and a little anxious to finally be this open about these things. The wp community is great, though, and I think this is a good place to invite discussion. 🙏🤍

  5. Thank you for sharing this Poojah. I agree that there needs to be more openess with mental health. Awareness, and education, decreases the tendency toward intolerance and discrimination. And thanks for introducing us to Braden. 👏👏

    1. Thanks for reading, Nigel! I agree, awareness (including discussion) and education about mental health can help everyone understand one another rather than judge. 🙏🤍

  6. One end of the ceiling in my room isn’t perfectly aligned, I have to remind myself not to look or I’ll get really upset at something I can’t fix. The need for things to be organized is our way of having some control amidst the overwhelming thoughts and feelings. I understand now why as a kid I would notice when my stuff was moved one second clock or anti clockwise and it wound throw me into a frenzy, but If OCD can be debilitating for me at relatively manageable spectrums I can only imagine how hard it is for people with higher spectrums.. I hope you’ve learned to manage well enough with it and thanks for sharing.

    1. That sounds really frustrating. It’s interesting how even the same condition, like OCD, can manifest differently for different people. For example, an uneven ceiling is unlikely to bother me, but I have other quirks that do. It’s not so much organization for me, as things being “right,” if that makes sense (based on an imaginary system in my head 😑). I hope people tried to be understanding… it’s such a different mental world we deal with than the average person. Or, if not a different world, some aspects are greatly exaggerated that wouldn’t be a big deal for someone else. I have some ways of coping and am looking into receiving further treatment. Thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts. 🤍

      1. Because you mentioned the compulsive repetition of things I refrained from writing about it gain but I can relate to it for instance I reread my blogs every time some likes it and I keep editing and editing and editing.. and no matter how much I edit, it’s never done! this makes me anxious so I got a mantra that I keep saying: yes, no matter how good it is it can always be better but we are only aiming for good enough, there is no such thing as perfection Shadia.

        1. Oh, that’s exhausting… I too have some check-recheck rituals :/. That’s a good mantra! Things can always be improved but sometimes they don’t need to be. 🙏

  7. Be attentive to the thought and feeling that comes immediately before the twitch. It can inform.

    1. Thanks, Lauren. I agree, it’s good to share (in the right environments). I’ve spent too much time being afraid of people knowing about these things, but I want to start being more open about them now. Besides, they’re something I have, not who I am. 🤍

  8. I enjoyed thiis honest and straightforward poem, Braden. I feel many have mental glitches but are afraid to talk about them. Thank you for sharing, Pooja.

    1. Thank you, Eugi. In case you ever want to talk about them with someone, you’re free to email me. You now know I have some glitches, too, so you don’t have to worry about judgment from me. 😁🤍

  9. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. We all have our glitches, bug sometimes they show up later in life than earlier. It is good to talk about our glitches. We may never know who may be going through something similar, or the same thing . Have a great weekend.

  10. Thank you for sharing Braden’s poem. I googled Tourette’s syndrome and I hope this can be controlled by medication. I mean I can’t even handle the occasional throbbing eyelids or hiccups. Yes, I hope people can talk about these things and find friends, sympathy, and togetherness in one’s community or online. I know how hard it was when nobody understood me and my problem. I am glad that I can find a lot of sympathy online…

    1. Thanks for reading, haoyando. I’ve actually started on a medication recently that seems to relieve the symptoms a bit. They’re most definitely still there, but easier to manage. Hey, hiccups are no joke if they get out of hand! 😁

      I’ve been really happy with how understanding everyone here has been, and with having the opportunity to share this. I’m sorry you went through a time of not being understood, and very, very glad you’ve found a more understanding community now. Be well. 🤍

  11. Thanks for sharing your poem and experience, Braden. I agree, these issues need to be discussed more. Even if others can’t “fix” the issues, it’s important that there is understanding which can lead to compassion and better inclusion.

  12. “ When I could have done ten things once

    But instead did one thing ten times”
    I’m so sad you have a permanent flu.

    This poem speaks volumes. I so love it.
    Thanks for sharing it, Pooja, my sweet. Awesome 🤩

  13. This is such a great poem. I had a teacher in 7th grade with Tourette’s syndrome and I’ve always thought he was one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. Even at the time, I couldn’t imagine trying to deal with my fellow 13 year olds (many of whom were vicious), teaching algebra, and a tic at the same time.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    1. Thanks so much for reading and sharing that memory, DR. It reminds me of something another blogger said to me earlier today—that people with mental disorders are usually more open about themselves than neurotypical people. I don’t know how true that is, but it’s interesting to ponder upon. It’s also true that we can be very good as masking symptoms, from fear of judgment.

      Hope you’re having a good week! 🙏

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