Growth- It Takes Time

I apologise in advance for any typos. I cut a super spicy pepper and my fingers are still burning lol. I’ve washed my hands like a million times and put lotion so it’s better now and I should be fine by tomorrow!

I usually try to share a mental health post advice on Thursdays but instead of doing that I decided to talk about growth. I promise this has to do with mental health eventually so just bare with my ramblings. I’ve found that I write best when it turns into a stream of consciousness so feel free to skip the parts where I’m saying a whole lot of nothing. Sometimes it just helps me to get it all out. Like right now. Most of this was pretty useless but yet I continue to type it.

Okay, back to growth. Recently I was looking through some old pictures of mine and reading some diary entries I wrote as a teenager. I’m a few weeks short of being twenty-five so it’s been a while since I wrote those. Anyway, I was reading through some of those and something just really hit me. I was such an angry and unhappy person when I wrote them and when I look at myself now I rarely see that side of me. I made a conscious decision to work on myself and to be the best version of myself I can be but I didn’t really monitor the progress to be honest. But when I was faced with that version of myself it just really hit me. I’ve come so incredibly far from that version of myself it’s crazy.

Some of those entries were written at my lowest point. When I was struggling with depression and still self-harming. It’s been years since I’ve felt like that or done anything like that. I couldn’t help but think what it would have been like it I had gone in the other direction and let the darkness overwhelm me instead of fighting it.

I think a big part of why I didn’t end up on the opposite side of where I am today is this blog and all you guys. I know I say this a lot but now you guys really understand just how low of a point I had gotten to when I created this blog. It has literally been a lifesaver for me. I had no where to speak my mind and express myself but this platform gave me a place. I had no idea how to deal with my emotions but writing about them helped a ton. I had very few people in my life who I could be myself around but here I’m always able to be authentic and instead of feeling judged I feel embraced by likeminded people.

Over the years, I’ve really been able to push my demons away and to push the darkness as far away as possible. The thing with mental health problems though is that they never truly go away. They always lurk waiting for when you’re at your weakest. I’m not going to pretend like it’s a happy ending with all sunshines and rainbows. The truth is I still have low moments. There are still nights I cry myself to sleep. There are still times when I don’t want to be here anymore. The main thing is that I now know that I rock bottom doesn’t last forever. I now know how to focus on the positive, to not let the negative emotions win.

The point of this post is to tell you that growth takes time. You may be at rock bottom like I was but just know that nothing lasts forever. Don’t expect anything to change over night but know that your strength and hard-work will pay off over time. You may feel like nothing you’re doing right now is making you feel better but it takes a while for most things to work including a lot of medications so be patient. Give yourself time to heal. If you broke an issue with an organ you would not be expecting it to go back to normal in just a few days. Your brain is an organ too and it takes time to get better and function at its best. Give it that time.

I just wanted to share my story and experiences in the hope that it will help other people out there that may be struggling. I hope you guys know that you are not alone in feeling that way. Most of us have been there and it does eventually get better. If anyone ever wants to talk feel free to email me. 


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39 thoughts on “Growth- It Takes Time

  1. Great post. Keep working on it. It gets easier. Ups and downs in life are normal. Everyone has them. People just don’t seem to tell anyone that ups and downs happen. Even in ‘normal’ people…if there is any such thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pro tip. Wash your hands with Isopropyl alcohol. The capsaicin is soluble in alcohol and will Rinse off. 🌶 same with if its too spicy and burns your mouth , high proof vodka will help take the burn away. DONT DRINK ISOPROPYL.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s amazing how finding stuff from the past can bring things up. I’m finding with preparing to move back to Europe that I’m dealing with a lot from growing up in England and I have to find a way through it. I know I will eventually, but it will take time

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can understand how that must be stressful for you to go back to Europe. I hope you’re able to find a way to deal with it soon and if you ever need to talk please feel free to reach out!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s true that it never really goes away. It’s always there. Call it scar or call it experience. It will never disappear. I remember I wrote really savage messages in my diary to express my disgust of the two people who bullied and repressed me for years, and also the indifference of the world to me. I was really mad at the time since I had nobody to talk to. Nowadays I become more savvy in making friends and will say blunt and truthful things upfront just for a test. There are people who would support me, but I know since my view is not really common, I have to be careful in testing out the world. It is tricky but interesting.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. True it never really goes away. Yes I think we all wrote things like that in our diary and it can be scary to go back and read it. I try to test friendships like that too and tend to surround myself with people who are also more blunt and honest because I feel I can trust them more.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I can totally relate with this, om still on that journey and still confused but I know that I’m finding my way to be a better version of myself and each day I get a little bit better at it. Great post and I’m so happy that you chose to be a better version of yourself too, you’re an inspiration to anyone reading this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, girl, I wish I could give you a hug! So, this is me sending my mom-hug to you! I appreciate that you are so open with your struggles. As you know, I’ve had a tough time with my kiddos, and even me. It helps so much to know I’m not alone and that, just as you have persevered, so too can my kids. There is hope. I mean, I knew there was, but sometimes I forget, especially when I’m in the thick of it with them. Stay strong and God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thanks so much! I can understand how difficult it must be dealing with four children who are all going through different struggles but yes there very much is always hope for them. I know that someday they too will find the best versions of themselves.

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  7. I’m proud of you Pooja, it takes a lot to share our struggles and it’s definitely something that I can relate to as of late (too much to do, not enough time to do it lol). I too used to self-harm, I was very self-critical and anorexic too boot, an all round not happy place. Learning to love yourself and forgive yourself really is the key, learning to reward yourself occasionally (my therapist was absolutely flabberghasted when I said that I didn’t eel like I deserved a chai latte and muffin in Starbucks, she sent me to Starbucks right after our session lol) helps too. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, if you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. Definitely keep in mind that it doesn’t last forever, in fact, that was something else I learned in therapy: Our moods are like the weather, some days are rainy, some are just okay and some are sunny and bright. Keep that analogy in mind, I find it really helps to make the cruddy days feels a bit more bearable. Lastly, my email address is on my site. If you need someone to talk to, pleased don’t forget that I am only ever an email away. Stray strong Pooja, you got this 🙂

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  8. Wow! I’m so happy that you’ve had an amazing opportunity to see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown! As someone who struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life, the fact that you’ve been able to develop the tools you have and that you’re using them is awesome!!

    I agree that the old feelings still lurk behind the shadows, but I can say that my own dark shadows have become less intense , dark and gloomy, and have even receded into a more distant place. When they do try to advance, I now have tools to deal with them, because I recognize them much sooner.

    Even when I don’t feel up to doing that battle, simply having recognized what’s happening and doing some steps even half heartedly, I feel the old anxiety and depression slipping away, for it no longer has the stealth of the cover of unknowing to be able to inflict damage before I’m aware of what’s happening.

    For all this I’m grateful! I’m sure you experience this growth your brain has made too!

    I learned that this is part of brain rewiring! When we do the conscious work of choosing the positive thoughts, of lovingly letting the old unkind thoughts slip away, of practicing suspending judgment, our brains DO get rewired!

    This is exciting news for each of us! Bravo to you, and kudos for keeping going! You are helping many people by sharing your thoughts!!

    Like

  9. I agree Rome wasn’t built in a day and it takes time to heal. Patience is a virtue and my intention is to have fun in the space I’m in. Thankyou for your beautiful post.

    Like

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