Shattered Dreams

You put a gun to my head

And aimed at every dream I had

I begged

But you wouldn't stop till my dreams were all dead

"Look in the mirror" you said

So I looked up as my dreams bled

And saw my own hand holding the gun to my head

I know I usually post blogging advice on Tuesdays but there was a change of plans today. However, if you want you can always go through my older blogging advice posts.

Why the change of plans? Well it seems I have (metaphorically) woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I had some really vivid nightmares and woke up in a sour mood. I often have vivid dreams because of CBD oil or other activities I partake that involve CBD. However, they are for the most part fun. But once in a blue moon I’ll have some really awful dreams. And for some reason in all these dreams I’m a teenager or child again. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about that during our next session.

This time I had two dreams where I was in high school. I love my friends from high school and the memories we shared but I hated high school minus them. Everyone else mostly sucked. And the worst part was I felt really insecure all the time and I think that’s why the dream was so awful. I worked hard to love myself but this dream brought all the insecurities back.

Anyway, “Shattered Dreams” randomly came to me last night. I sabotage myself sometimes and I guess that’s what inspired it. It’s tough having anxiety and depression because they really weigh you down and stop you from really living. But I’m trying my best to work towards the life I want. Even when it scares me.

What did you think of “Shattered Dreams”? Do you ever have vivid dreams or nightmares? Let me know in the comments below or simply say hi!

Image Source: https://www.saatchiart.com/paintings/suicide/feature

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117 responses to “Shattered Dreams”

  1. I have two vivid and recurring dreams! They’re both so strange, maybe I’ll write about them someday. But i believe dreams, especially really clear & memorable ones are trying to tell us something!

    1. How interesting, I would love to read more about them. I agree, dreams are our brains way of telling us something.

  2. I too despised high school with it’s stupid social clicks or groups. I was so shy and that didn’t help. I found the poem disturbing and not something I like to read. Just being honest, Pooja. I hope that you feel better soon. ❤️

    1. Yeah those groups were the worst. I’m just glad high school is over.
      That’s okay, I know you don’t like darker content. Thank you ❤️

  3. “So I looked up as my dreams bled”… Thats a powerful line. Wow. Freud said, sometimes a dream is just a dream. A Synchronicity, I was just talking about violent or scary childhood dreams the other day.

    1. Thanks so much. Weird, are you having nightmares too?

      1. No, not recently but the topic of dreams have been popping up alot recently for me. I take melatonin, not to sleep , but because I have vivid dreams from it.

        1. Oh I see. I’ve never tried melatonin but I have heard of it. Mostly from people who have insomnia. I didn’t realise it gives you vivid dreams too.

          1. Oh yeah, mine are very vivid. Melatonin is closely related to DMT (or dimethyl triptamine,) a very strong hallucination although Melatonin is not

            1. Oh okay, that’s really interesting.

          2. Oh yeah, very vivid dreams. Its safe, your brain produces it too

            1. I think I’ll try it sometimes because I do find vivid dreams interesting.

  4. Thank you for sharing I love it . Stunning beautiful writing 🤩

    1. Thank you so much 😊

      1. It’s our pleasure

  5. Last time I had nightmares I was on the nicotine patch. Other than that none since my pregnancies.

    1. That’s lucky, glad you don’t have nightmares anymore.

      1. Crazy. I said that and then had a nightmare last night.

        1. Oh wow, that sucks. Hopefully you won’t have any tonight.

  6. I usually get dreams realated to schools or studying. I don’t know what that even means.
    .
    You please take care of yourself Buddy. Think of good things like idli, or chocolate lava cake or level 24. Sometimes distraction do wonders.
    🌟

    1. How odd, I guess school messed us all up lol.

      Thanks so much haha yes distractions are good.

      1. I don’t know what’s the connection with school or education related stuff.
        I wonder what my subconscious mind is taking 😝

        1. I wonder why our brain does that. So odd.

          1. A topic to research and write upon.
            Thanks Buddy, I always get ideas from you.

            1. Happy to Hera that. I would be very interested in reading about that since I find dream interpretation fascinating.

              1. Well yeah…. I will research more in this.

  7. Hate waking up with a dream that just ruins my mood. Here’s hoping for goodness to come to you and a beautiful dream free night.

    1. Yup it’s the worst and thanks so much.

  8. Haha, woken up on the wrong side of the bed, and in anger killed all dreams.
    But Good thoughts!

    1. Haha thank you!

  9. Great share, Pooja.
    Dreams related to school… Happens with me so many times. They are happy ones most of the times, though.

    1. Thank you so much. That’s good, glad they’re happy dreams.

  10. Child #2 has vivid nightmares when using Peace and Calming essential oil. It’s because that is a trauma release oil, and the nightmares are helping her to process her trauma. Maybe it’s the same for you with the CBD? Just a thought. Love your poem. Sending you a big hug 🤗!

    1. Very interesting, maybe CBD oil has a similar effect. Thanks so much 🤗

  11. Deep thoughts Pooja… and beautifully expressed too. 🤍

    1. Thank you so much 💕

  12. Nightmares are the worst, especially when you awake in the middle of the night from it, go back to sleep, only for it to continue where it left off. 🥴 You can’t make this stuff up. Your poem nailed it! 👍

    1. Thanks so much. I absolutely agree those nightmares really mess up the whole day for you.

  13. Loved the poem, and the last line was quite the twist! My dreams, well, I like to think they don’t mean much, else I’ll be trying to place a meaning on the most baseless and weirdest of things. Hope you’re feeling better now!

    1. Thanks so much! I think some dreams don’t mean anything but the vivid ones do. I have no idea what they mean though lol. I’m better now, thanks!

  14. Beautifully penned 💙

    1. Thank you so much 😊

  15. I would posit, if you’re seeing clear vivid dreams it maybe to tell yourself to trust in what you are seeing going on in your life and not kill the truth from dismissing it to avoid it. Or, it was just imagination that provided inspiration. Only you can decide.

    1. I definitely think vivid dreams have meaning and are our brains way of telling us something.

      1. I agree they serve a purpose, albeit the brain, a deity, or the universe itself delivering messages.

  16. Once more your poem reaches deeply. It is only recently that I put the gun away and let my dreams live. Again, I ask when these will be placed in a book?

    1. Thanks so much. I’m glad that you put the gun away and I am trying to do the same. I am currently working on a book and hopefully it will be out soon.

  17. Bravo!!!👏 A very deep expressive poem

    1. Thank you so much! 😊

  18. Okay as dark as the poem is, it’s so beautiful! I love it, i dont think we should see it in a negative light, but realise we really are our own enemy. Ps. Subconscious sucks.

    1. Thank you and that’s what I was going for! Yup subconscious is so annoying lol.

  19. Thank you for including the reasoning why the poem. I hope the dreams get better.

    1. Thanks so much and I’m sure they will. I rarely have nightmares but when I do they’re pretty scary.

  20. i actually love the poem Pooja. Dreams are so telling of what’s going on and we are the best ones to interpret them. Don’t kill the messenger, rather listen intently to what is behind them at a chance for deeper healing.
    ❤️

    1. Thank you so much. Absolutely agree, dreams tell us what’s going on in our subconscious. Listening to them helps us learn more about ourselves 💕

      1. You’re so welcome Pooja!
        I’ve been dreaming a lot which isn’t surprising right now. I hope you get some fairy tale dreams soon ! 💗

        1. Hope so and hope you’ve been having good dreams!

  21. I hope you feel better soon and that a good night’s sleep is waiting for you.

    1. Thank you so much.

  22. Fantastic poem. Captured the essence of negative self talk.
    My dreams are quick- like flash cards. I do have recurring themes- I’m lost, I can’t manage the task because of …, a few others. All fall under the rubric of Anxiety Dream. Sometimes my dreams are just Leftovers- “just a dream “.
    Does said therapist have a position on the meaning of dreams?

    1. Thank you so much.

      I think certain anxiety dreams are quite common. Mine is that I’m falling.

      I haven’t really talked to my therapist about dreams before so I guess I’ll find out. She does seem like someone who would help me find the meaning behind my dreams though.

  23. Beautiful poem. I can relate for sure. Be well.

    1. Thank you so much.

  24. Beautiful poem. I can relate for sure.

    1. Thank you so much, glad you could relate.

  25. I think most people felt insecure in high school. Even the very popular kids.

    1. Yeah I agree, I think high school is just a very vulnerable time.

  26. I hear you, Pooja, and am currently struggling myself.
    It is an inspiration to see you moving towards where you want to be and I will do my best to follow your example.

    The experiences from high school you shared are something I can relate to, very well. There have been nightmares of being back at school for me, too.

    Sending Much Love to you!

    1. Sorry to hear you’re struggling too. Yes, of course keep moving even when you feel uninspired. I’m hoping you’ll feel more inspired soon.

      High school can really be terrible for many of us. It wasn’t all bad but I definitely did not love my time there. At least we’re done with that chapter of our lives now.

      Sending hugs your way!

      1. Yes, fortunately some things are behind us, now. 🙂

        The rest we will manage, somehow.

        Hugs received and coming your way, too!

        1. Absolutely and thank you! 😊

  27. I think “Shattered Dreams” is really good and really smart! It’s a stark reminder of how much we can get in our own way. It’s deep and maybe dark material and yet you made it poetic and beautiful. I think dreams can be a means of working out some of the hurts or traumas from our pasts. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Keep going…

    1. Thank you so much. Yes, that’s what I wanted to convey. Sometimes we sabotage our own happiness.

      Thanks and I think so too. I think our brain processes certain events and our dreams stem from that. I guess I’m still processing some things from my past.

  28. Thanks for sharing. I have had bad nightmares which seemed so real, and I have had lucid dreams to where I can’t even move, or shout. I have had reoccurring nightmares, and dreams where I am falling in a dark place. It is really sometimes frightening when those dreams like that take over the way one thinks. I try to move on from it, but sometimes the thought of them lingers in my mind. I try to think of positive things when I have dreams like that. The poem gave me a visual about how hard life can be, and it makes you feel like you just can’t make it, but it also made me see that I am important and so is my life, so no matter what we face in our life, things will get better, even making our dreams come true. Your dreams that you have for yourself are your dreams and no one has the right to kill them. Have a wonderful week.

    1. I have dreams about falling too and those can be really scary. Yes, positivity helps a lot when you have bad dreams. I try to meditate to get them out of my mind but sometimes some stick with me.
      Thanks and have a wonderful week too. Hope you’re feeling better today.

      1. I am feeling kind of lethargic. It has been back and forth. It seems like I am good in the mornings, but in the evening is when the symptoms really bother me, like now. I just don’t know what’s going on. Well, I am going to finish writing my message so I can post it, and then I might update some of my other sites. Enjoy the rest of your day.

        1. I’m like that too. I feel fine when I wake up but by night my coughing gets worse. Thanks and you too.

          1. We are in the same boat, but in different places in the world.

            1. Yes, it seems so.

  29. I have nightmares and I have some reoccurring themes that I deal with. It’s really hard to shake them sometimes. I’m glad you’re being flexible with yourself 💚

    1. Thanks so much. Yes, some dreams really stick with us and the ones I have about high school do that to me.

  30. Wow, that poem is deep! I hope one day you are able to sort through those negative feelings. Keep working my dear!

    1. Thanks so much! I hope so too 😊

  31. I loved the poem, it was creepy perfection.

    1. Haha thanks so much.

  32. Creepy things don’t really happen to me. I don’t know if I do dream because of my brain damage. If I do dream, I don’t remember them. That’s one thing I had to get over was not being able to dream.

    1. I understand, I guess it’s something you learn to live without.

      1. It was difficult at first, but I’m used to it now

  33. Let’s suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfil all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say “Well, that was pretty great.” But now let’s have a surprise. Let’s have a dream which isn’t under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don’t know what it’s going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say “Wow, that was a close shave, wasn’t it?” And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream. And finally, you would dream … where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are living today

    1. That’s a very deep way of thinking about it. Thanks for sharing that.

  34. I’m glad I haven’t had too many vivid dreams about my near-fatal car accident. Those have scared the crap out of me! I know that sleeping helps my brain heal, but there are limits

    1. That’s good. A traumatic event like that can sometimes trigger nightmares. Yeah sleeping can sometimes do the opposite of help.

  35. Fortunately, I haven’t remembered my dreams for a while actually. I do occasionally get good dreams though … Certainly worth talking through with therapy, even if is just to express some emotion 🙂

    1. It’s nice that you get good dreams. I’ll definitely bring it up in my next therapy session because I’m always curious about what dreams mean.

      1. Is certainly intriguing when is different to your conscious reality …

        1. Yeah I always find it fascinating how different people interpret the same dream differently.

  36. Very intense but good. I know how it can be with anxiety and depression. Not being on medication for it anymore makes it even harder some days. It sounds like you know what you need though and have control for the most part. As for dreaming, I rarely remember any dreams that I may have if I even do still dream.

    1. Thanks so much. I don’t take medication for it anymore either because I couldn’t find one I like.

      1. I was on some that helped me for my depression and sleep but I can’t afford anything now.

        1. Sorry to hear that. I’ve heard healthcare is very expensive there.

          1. Yes, but it doesn’t help that I don’t have a consiseant income either. But that’s another story.

            1. I see, I guess that makes it more complicated.

  37. Haha, I have similar feelings about high school, although I have to say despite my dislike of my high school, I loved my friends there. My high school was bad, but it was so much better than my dysfunctional family life. So I couldn’t really complain. My high school was bad in a boring and didactic and useless way. However it was still sane. In contrast, my own family was a narcissistic mad house.

    1. I feel the same way. I love my high school friends and the memories we made. However, my school was also extremely boring and I found the rules excessive and unnecessary.

  38. Whenever I sabotage myself it’s because I feel like I dreamed to big and can’t be achieved. Fake that confidence until you convince yourself that you have it!
    Great read girlie!

    1. Mine is usually because I feel scared I won’t succeed. And I hate losing lol. Thank you and yes faking it till you make it actually really works!

      1. I suspect that you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to.

        1. Thanks, really appreciate that!

  39. Great poem! And very visceral.

      1. You’re welcome!

  40. I love the poem “shattered dreams”. I relate to it because I feel like my anxiety and depression often hold me back from fulfilling my dreams.

    1. Thanks and I feel the same way sometimes.

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