Shattered Dreams

You put a gun to my head

And aimed at every dream I had

I begged

But you wouldn't stop till my dreams were all dead

"Look in the mirror" you said

So I looked up as my dreams bled

And saw my own hand holding the gun to my head

I know I usually post blogging advice on Tuesdays but there was a change of plans today. However, if you want you can always go through my older blogging advice posts.

Why the change of plans? Well it seems I have (metaphorically) woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I had some really vivid nightmares and woke up in a sour mood. I often have vivid dreams because of CBD oil or other activities I partake that involve CBD. However, they are for the most part fun. But once in a blue moon I’ll have some really awful dreams. And for some reason in all these dreams I’m a teenager or child again. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about that during our next session.

This time I had two dreams where I was in high school. I love my friends from high school and the memories we shared but I hated high school minus them. Everyone else mostly sucked. And the worst part was I felt really insecure all the time and I think that’s why the dream was so awful. I worked hard to love myself but this dream brought all the insecurities back.

Anyway, “Shattered Dreams” randomly came to me last night. I sabotage myself sometimes and I guess that’s what inspired it. It’s tough having anxiety and depression because they really weigh you down and stop you from really living. But I’m trying my best to work towards the life I want. Even when it scares me.

What did you think of “Shattered Dreams”? Do you ever have vivid dreams or nightmares? Let me know in the comments below or simply say hi!

Image Source: https://www.saatchiart.com/paintings/suicide/feature

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117 thoughts on “Shattered Dreams

  1. I have two vivid and recurring dreams! They’re both so strange, maybe I’ll write about them someday. But i believe dreams, especially really clear & memorable ones are trying to tell us something!

  2. I too despised high school with it’s stupid social clicks or groups. I was so shy and that didn’t help. I found the poem disturbing and not something I like to read. Just being honest, Pooja. I hope that you feel better soon. ❤️

  3. “So I looked up as my dreams bled”… Thats a powerful line. Wow. Freud said, sometimes a dream is just a dream. A Synchronicity, I was just talking about violent or scary childhood dreams the other day.

  4. I usually get dreams realated to schools or studying. I don’t know what that even means.
    .
    You please take care of yourself Buddy. Think of good things like idli, or chocolate lava cake or level 24. Sometimes distraction do wonders.
    🌟

  5. Child #2 has vivid nightmares when using Peace and Calming essential oil. It’s because that is a trauma release oil, and the nightmares are helping her to process her trauma. Maybe it’s the same for you with the CBD? Just a thought. Love your poem. Sending you a big hug 🤗!

  6. Nightmares are the worst, especially when you awake in the middle of the night from it, go back to sleep, only for it to continue where it left off. 🥴 You can’t make this stuff up. Your poem nailed it! 👍

  7. Loved the poem, and the last line was quite the twist! My dreams, well, I like to think they don’t mean much, else I’ll be trying to place a meaning on the most baseless and weirdest of things. Hope you’re feeling better now!

  8. I would posit, if you’re seeing clear vivid dreams it maybe to tell yourself to trust in what you are seeing going on in your life and not kill the truth from dismissing it to avoid it. Or, it was just imagination that provided inspiration. Only you can decide.

  9. Okay as dark as the poem is, it’s so beautiful! I love it, i dont think we should see it in a negative light, but realise we really are our own enemy. Ps. Subconscious sucks.

  10. i actually love the poem Pooja. Dreams are so telling of what’s going on and we are the best ones to interpret them. Don’t kill the messenger, rather listen intently to what is behind them at a chance for deeper healing.
    ❤️

  11. Fantastic poem. Captured the essence of negative self talk.
    My dreams are quick- like flash cards. I do have recurring themes- I’m lost, I can’t manage the task because of …, a few others. All fall under the rubric of Anxiety Dream. Sometimes my dreams are just Leftovers- “just a dream “.
    Does said therapist have a position on the meaning of dreams?

    1. Thank you so much.

      I think certain anxiety dreams are quite common. Mine is that I’m falling.

      I haven’t really talked to my therapist about dreams before so I guess I’ll find out. She does seem like someone who would help me find the meaning behind my dreams though.

  12. I hear you, Pooja, and am currently struggling myself.
    It is an inspiration to see you moving towards where you want to be and I will do my best to follow your example.

    The experiences from high school you shared are something I can relate to, very well. There have been nightmares of being back at school for me, too.

    Sending Much Love to you!

    1. Sorry to hear you’re struggling too. Yes, of course keep moving even when you feel uninspired. I’m hoping you’ll feel more inspired soon.

      High school can really be terrible for many of us. It wasn’t all bad but I definitely did not love my time there. At least we’re done with that chapter of our lives now.

      Sending hugs your way!

  13. I think “Shattered Dreams” is really good and really smart! It’s a stark reminder of how much we can get in our own way. It’s deep and maybe dark material and yet you made it poetic and beautiful. I think dreams can be a means of working out some of the hurts or traumas from our pasts. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Keep going…

    1. Thank you so much. Yes, that’s what I wanted to convey. Sometimes we sabotage our own happiness.

      Thanks and I think so too. I think our brain processes certain events and our dreams stem from that. I guess I’m still processing some things from my past.

  14. Thanks for sharing. I have had bad nightmares which seemed so real, and I have had lucid dreams to where I can’t even move, or shout. I have had reoccurring nightmares, and dreams where I am falling in a dark place. It is really sometimes frightening when those dreams like that take over the way one thinks. I try to move on from it, but sometimes the thought of them lingers in my mind. I try to think of positive things when I have dreams like that. The poem gave me a visual about how hard life can be, and it makes you feel like you just can’t make it, but it also made me see that I am important and so is my life, so no matter what we face in our life, things will get better, even making our dreams come true. Your dreams that you have for yourself are your dreams and no one has the right to kill them. Have a wonderful week.

    1. I have dreams about falling too and those can be really scary. Yes, positivity helps a lot when you have bad dreams. I try to meditate to get them out of my mind but sometimes some stick with me.
      Thanks and have a wonderful week too. Hope you’re feeling better today.

      1. I am feeling kind of lethargic. It has been back and forth. It seems like I am good in the mornings, but in the evening is when the symptoms really bother me, like now. I just don’t know what’s going on. Well, I am going to finish writing my message so I can post it, and then I might update some of my other sites. Enjoy the rest of your day.

  15. I have nightmares and I have some reoccurring themes that I deal with. It’s really hard to shake them sometimes. I’m glad you’re being flexible with yourself 💚

  16. Creepy things don’t really happen to me. I don’t know if I do dream because of my brain damage. If I do dream, I don’t remember them. That’s one thing I had to get over was not being able to dream.

  17. Rochdalestu

    Let’s suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfil all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say “Well, that was pretty great.” But now let’s have a surprise. Let’s have a dream which isn’t under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don’t know what it’s going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say “Wow, that was a close shave, wasn’t it?” And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream. And finally, you would dream … where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are living today

  18. Fortunately, I haven’t remembered my dreams for a while actually. I do occasionally get good dreams though … Certainly worth talking through with therapy, even if is just to express some emotion 🙂

  19. Very intense but good. I know how it can be with anxiety and depression. Not being on medication for it anymore makes it even harder some days. It sounds like you know what you need though and have control for the most part. As for dreaming, I rarely remember any dreams that I may have if I even do still dream.

  20. Haha, I have similar feelings about high school, although I have to say despite my dislike of my high school, I loved my friends there. My high school was bad, but it was so much better than my dysfunctional family life. So I couldn’t really complain. My high school was bad in a boring and didactic and useless way. However it was still sane. In contrast, my own family was a narcissistic mad house.

    1. I feel the same way. I love my high school friends and the memories we made. However, my school was also extremely boring and I found the rules excessive and unnecessary.

  21. Whenever I sabotage myself it’s because I feel like I dreamed to big and can’t be achieved. Fake that confidence until you convince yourself that you have it!
    Great read girlie!

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