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The Life & Ramblings Of A Zillennial

Shattered Dreams

You put a gun to my head

And aimed at every dream I had

I begged

But you wouldn't stop till my dreams were all dead

"Look in the mirror" you said

So I looked up as my dreams bled

And saw my own hand holding the gun to my head

I know I usually post blogging advice on Tuesdays but there was a change of plans today. However, if you want you can always go through my older blogging advice posts.

Why the change of plans? Well it seems I have (metaphorically) woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I had some really vivid nightmares and woke up in a sour mood. I often have vivid dreams because of CBD oil or other activities I partake that involve CBD. However, they are for the most part fun. But once in a blue moon I’ll have some really awful dreams. And for some reason in all these dreams I’m a teenager or child again. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about that during our next session.

This time I had two dreams where I was in high school. I love my friends from high school and the memories we shared but I hated high school minus them. Everyone else mostly sucked. And the worst part was I felt really insecure all the time and I think that’s why the dream was so awful. I worked hard to love myself but this dream brought all the insecurities back.

Anyway, “Shattered Dreams” randomly came to me last night. I sabotage myself sometimes and I guess that’s what inspired it. It’s tough having anxiety and depression because they really weigh you down and stop you from really living. But I’m trying my best to work towards the life I want. Even when it scares me.

What did you think of “Shattered Dreams”? Do you ever have vivid dreams or nightmares? Let me know in the comments below or simply say hi!

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P. J. Gudka

117 responses to “Shattered Dreams”

  1. Peter Avatar
    Peter

    I have two vivid and recurring dreams! They’re both so strange, maybe I’ll write about them someday. But i believe dreams, especially really clear & memorable ones are trying to tell us something!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      How interesting, I would love to read more about them. I agree, dreams are our brains way of telling us something.

      Reply
  2. John Avatar
    John

    I too despised high school with it’s stupid social clicks or groups. I was so shy and that didn’t help. I found the poem disturbing and not something I like to read. Just being honest, Pooja. I hope that you feel better soon. ❤️

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yeah those groups were the worst. I’m just glad high school is over.
      That’s okay, I know you don’t like darker content. Thank you ❤️

      Reply
  3. Joe Hallett Avatar
    Joe Hallett

    “So I looked up as my dreams bled”… Thats a powerful line. Wow. Freud said, sometimes a dream is just a dream. A Synchronicity, I was just talking about violent or scary childhood dreams the other day.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. Weird, are you having nightmares too?

      Reply
      1. Joe Hallett Avatar
        Joe Hallett

        No, not recently but the topic of dreams have been popping up alot recently for me. I take melatonin, not to sleep , but because I have vivid dreams from it.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Oh I see. I’ve never tried melatonin but I have heard of it. Mostly from people who have insomnia. I didn’t realise it gives you vivid dreams too.

          Reply
          1. Joe Hallett Avatar
            Joe Hallett

            Oh yeah, mine are very vivid. Melatonin is closely related to DMT (or dimethyl triptamine,) a very strong hallucination although Melatonin is not

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              Oh okay, that’s really interesting.

              Reply
          2. Joe Hallett Avatar
            Joe Hallett

            Oh yeah, very vivid dreams. Its safe, your brain produces it too

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              I think I’ll try it sometimes because I do find vivid dreams interesting.

              Reply
  4. Holistic Dogcare Avatar
    Holistic Dogcare

    Thank you for sharing I love it . Stunning beautiful writing 🤩

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much 😊

      Reply
      1. Holistic Dogcare Avatar
        Holistic Dogcare

        It’s our pleasure

        Reply
  5. 9erick Avatar
    9erick

    Last time I had nightmares I was on the nicotine patch. Other than that none since my pregnancies.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      That’s lucky, glad you don’t have nightmares anymore.

      Reply
      1. 9erick Avatar
        9erick

        Crazy. I said that and then had a nightmare last night.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Oh wow, that sucks. Hopefully you won’t have any tonight.

          Reply
  6. DEVANG UPADHYAYA Avatar
    DEVANG UPADHYAYA

    I usually get dreams realated to schools or studying. I don’t know what that even means.
    .
    You please take care of yourself Buddy. Think of good things like idli, or chocolate lava cake or level 24. Sometimes distraction do wonders.
    🌟

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      How odd, I guess school messed us all up lol.

      Thanks so much haha yes distractions are good.

      Reply
      1. DEVANG UPADHYAYA Avatar
        DEVANG UPADHYAYA

        I don’t know what’s the connection with school or education related stuff.
        I wonder what my subconscious mind is taking 😝

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          I wonder why our brain does that. So odd.

          Reply
          1. DEVANG UPADHYAYA Avatar
            DEVANG UPADHYAYA

            A topic to research and write upon.
            Thanks Buddy, I always get ideas from you.

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              Happy to Hera that. I would be very interested in reading about that since I find dream interpretation fascinating.

              Reply
              1. DEVANG UPADHYAYA Avatar
                DEVANG UPADHYAYA

                Well yeah…. I will research more in this.

                Reply
  7. ofaworkingmom Avatar
    ofaworkingmom

    Hate waking up with a dream that just ruins my mood. Here’s hoping for goodness to come to you and a beautiful dream free night.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yup it’s the worst and thanks so much.

      Reply
  8. Shahbaz Ashraf Avatar
    Shahbaz Ashraf

    Haha, woken up on the wrong side of the bed, and in anger killed all dreams.
    But Good thoughts!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Haha thank you!

      Reply
  9. Vidah Avatar
    Vidah

    Great share, Pooja.
    Dreams related to school… Happens with me so many times. They are happy ones most of the times, though.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much. That’s good, glad they’re happy dreams.

      Reply
  10. Rita Avatar
    Rita

    Child #2 has vivid nightmares when using Peace and Calming essential oil. It’s because that is a trauma release oil, and the nightmares are helping her to process her trauma. Maybe it’s the same for you with the CBD? Just a thought. Love your poem. Sending you a big hug 🤗!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Very interesting, maybe CBD oil has a similar effect. Thanks so much 🤗

      Reply
  11. Destiny Avatar
    Destiny

    Deep thoughts Pooja… and beautifully expressed too. 🤍

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much 💕

      Reply
  12. britcanwrites Avatar
    britcanwrites

    Nightmares are the worst, especially when you awake in the middle of the night from it, go back to sleep, only for it to continue where it left off. 🥴 You can’t make this stuff up. Your poem nailed it! 👍

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. I absolutely agree those nightmares really mess up the whole day for you.

      Reply
  13. reeydah Avatar
    reeydah

    Loved the poem, and the last line was quite the twist! My dreams, well, I like to think they don’t mean much, else I’ll be trying to place a meaning on the most baseless and weirdest of things. Hope you’re feeling better now!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much! I think some dreams don’t mean anything but the vivid ones do. I have no idea what they mean though lol. I’m better now, thanks!

      Reply
  14. marouabourni Avatar
    marouabourni

    Beautifully penned 💙

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much 😊

      Reply
  15. Katibminphilly Avatar
    Katibminphilly

    Loved the poem.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you.

      Reply
  16. Poet of the Light Avatar
    Poet of the Light

    I would posit, if you’re seeing clear vivid dreams it maybe to tell yourself to trust in what you are seeing going on in your life and not kill the truth from dismissing it to avoid it. Or, it was just imagination that provided inspiration. Only you can decide.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I definitely think vivid dreams have meaning and are our brains way of telling us something.

      Reply
      1. Poet of the Light Avatar
        Poet of the Light

        I agree they serve a purpose, albeit the brain, a deity, or the universe itself delivering messages.

        Reply
  17. David Booker Avatar
    David Booker

    Once more your poem reaches deeply. It is only recently that I put the gun away and let my dreams live. Again, I ask when these will be placed in a book?

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. I’m glad that you put the gun away and I am trying to do the same. I am currently working on a book and hopefully it will be out soon.

      Reply
  18. R Carter Avatar
    R Carter

    Bravo!!!👏 A very deep expressive poem

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much! 😊

      Reply
  19. DentMistry Avatar
    DentMistry

    Okay as dark as the poem is, it’s so beautiful! I love it, i dont think we should see it in a negative light, but realise we really are our own enemy. Ps. Subconscious sucks.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you and that’s what I was going for! Yup subconscious is so annoying lol.

      Reply
  20. Heidy De La Cruz Avatar
    Heidy De La Cruz

    Thank you for including the reasoning why the poem. I hope the dreams get better.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much and I’m sure they will. I rarely have nightmares but when I do they’re pretty scary.

      Reply
  21. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
    Cindy Georgakas

    i actually love the poem Pooja. Dreams are so telling of what’s going on and we are the best ones to interpret them. Don’t kill the messenger, rather listen intently to what is behind them at a chance for deeper healing.
    ❤️

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much. Absolutely agree, dreams tell us what’s going on in our subconscious. Listening to them helps us learn more about ourselves 💕

      Reply
      1. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
        Cindy Georgakas

        You’re so welcome Pooja!
        I’ve been dreaming a lot which isn’t surprising right now. I hope you get some fairy tale dreams soon ! 💗

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Hope so and hope you’ve been having good dreams!

          Reply
  22. autumnscribe Avatar
    autumnscribe

    I hope you feel better soon and that a good night’s sleep is waiting for you.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much.

      Reply
  23. Dawn Pisturino Avatar
    Dawn Pisturino

    Wonderful poem!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you!

      Reply
  24. Mark Edward Jabbour Avatar
    Mark Edward Jabbour

    Fantastic poem. Captured the essence of negative self talk.
    My dreams are quick- like flash cards. I do have recurring themes- I’m lost, I can’t manage the task because of …, a few others. All fall under the rubric of Anxiety Dream. Sometimes my dreams are just Leftovers- “just a dream “.
    Does said therapist have a position on the meaning of dreams?

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much.

      I think certain anxiety dreams are quite common. Mine is that I’m falling.

      I haven’t really talked to my therapist about dreams before so I guess I’ll find out. She does seem like someone who would help me find the meaning behind my dreams though.

      Reply
  25. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Beautiful poem. I can relate for sure. Be well.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much.

      Reply
  26. zemkay Avatar
    zemkay

    Beautiful poem. I can relate for sure.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much, glad you could relate.

      Reply
  27. E.A. Wickham Avatar
    E.A. Wickham

    I think most people felt insecure in high school. Even the very popular kids.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yeah I agree, I think high school is just a very vulnerable time.

      Reply
  28. Stefanie Neumann Avatar
    Stefanie Neumann

    I hear you, Pooja, and am currently struggling myself.
    It is an inspiration to see you moving towards where you want to be and I will do my best to follow your example.

    The experiences from high school you shared are something I can relate to, very well. There have been nightmares of being back at school for me, too.

    Sending Much Love to you!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Sorry to hear you’re struggling too. Yes, of course keep moving even when you feel uninspired. I’m hoping you’ll feel more inspired soon.

      High school can really be terrible for many of us. It wasn’t all bad but I definitely did not love my time there. At least we’re done with that chapter of our lives now.

      Sending hugs your way!

      Reply
      1. Stefanie Neumann Avatar
        Stefanie Neumann

        Yes, fortunately some things are behind us, now. 🙂

        The rest we will manage, somehow.

        Hugs received and coming your way, too!

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Absolutely and thank you! 😊

          Reply
  29. donnajburkholder Avatar
    donnajburkholder

    I think “Shattered Dreams” is really good and really smart! It’s a stark reminder of how much we can get in our own way. It’s deep and maybe dark material and yet you made it poetic and beautiful. I think dreams can be a means of working out some of the hurts or traumas from our pasts. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Keep going…

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much. Yes, that’s what I wanted to convey. Sometimes we sabotage our own happiness.

      Thanks and I think so too. I think our brain processes certain events and our dreams stem from that. I guess I’m still processing some things from my past.

      Reply
  30. Shaunelius Sterns Avatar
    Shaunelius Sterns

    Thanks for sharing. I have had bad nightmares which seemed so real, and I have had lucid dreams to where I can’t even move, or shout. I have had reoccurring nightmares, and dreams where I am falling in a dark place. It is really sometimes frightening when those dreams like that take over the way one thinks. I try to move on from it, but sometimes the thought of them lingers in my mind. I try to think of positive things when I have dreams like that. The poem gave me a visual about how hard life can be, and it makes you feel like you just can’t make it, but it also made me see that I am important and so is my life, so no matter what we face in our life, things will get better, even making our dreams come true. Your dreams that you have for yourself are your dreams and no one has the right to kill them. Have a wonderful week.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I have dreams about falling too and those can be really scary. Yes, positivity helps a lot when you have bad dreams. I try to meditate to get them out of my mind but sometimes some stick with me.
      Thanks and have a wonderful week too. Hope you’re feeling better today.

      Reply
      1. Shaunelius Sterns Avatar
        Shaunelius Sterns

        I am feeling kind of lethargic. It has been back and forth. It seems like I am good in the mornings, but in the evening is when the symptoms really bother me, like now. I just don’t know what’s going on. Well, I am going to finish writing my message so I can post it, and then I might update some of my other sites. Enjoy the rest of your day.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          I’m like that too. I feel fine when I wake up but by night my coughing gets worse. Thanks and you too.

          Reply
          1. Shaunelius Sterns Avatar
            Shaunelius Sterns

            We are in the same boat, but in different places in the world.

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              Yes, it seems so.

              Reply
  31. Keren Avatar
    Keren

    I have nightmares and I have some reoccurring themes that I deal with. It’s really hard to shake them sometimes. I’m glad you’re being flexible with yourself 💚

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. Yes, some dreams really stick with us and the ones I have about high school do that to me.

      Reply
  32. Janice Reid Avatar
    Janice Reid

    Wow, that poem is deep! I hope one day you are able to sort through those negative feelings. Keep working my dear!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much! I hope so too 😊

      Reply
  33. Nicole Smith Avatar
    Nicole Smith

    I loved the poem, it was creepy perfection.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Haha thanks so much.

      Reply
  34. michaelfoglietta Avatar
    michaelfoglietta

    Creepy things don’t really happen to me. I don’t know if I do dream because of my brain damage. If I do dream, I don’t remember them. That’s one thing I had to get over was not being able to dream.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I understand, I guess it’s something you learn to live without.

      Reply
      1. michaelfoglietta Avatar
        michaelfoglietta

        It was difficult at first, but I’m used to it now

        Reply
  35. Rochdalestu Avatar
    Rochdalestu

    Let’s suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfil all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say “Well, that was pretty great.” But now let’s have a surprise. Let’s have a dream which isn’t under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don’t know what it’s going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say “Wow, that was a close shave, wasn’t it?” And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream. And finally, you would dream … where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are living today

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      That’s a very deep way of thinking about it. Thanks for sharing that.

      Reply
  36. Third Culture Kid Avatar
    Third Culture Kid

    I’m glad I haven’t had too many vivid dreams about my near-fatal car accident. Those have scared the crap out of me! I know that sleeping helps my brain heal, but there are limits

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      That’s good. A traumatic event like that can sometimes trigger nightmares. Yeah sleeping can sometimes do the opposite of help.

      Reply
  37. Reaseaorg Avatar
    Reaseaorg

    Fortunately, I haven’t remembered my dreams for a while actually. I do occasionally get good dreams though … Certainly worth talking through with therapy, even if is just to express some emotion 🙂

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      It’s nice that you get good dreams. I’ll definitely bring it up in my next therapy session because I’m always curious about what dreams mean.

      Reply
      1. Reaseaorg Avatar
        Reaseaorg

        Is certainly intriguing when is different to your conscious reality …

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Yeah I always find it fascinating how different people interpret the same dream differently.

          Reply
  38. Pennize Pics Avatar
    Pennize Pics

    Very intense but good. I know how it can be with anxiety and depression. Not being on medication for it anymore makes it even harder some days. It sounds like you know what you need though and have control for the most part. As for dreaming, I rarely remember any dreams that I may have if I even do still dream.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. I don’t take medication for it anymore either because I couldn’t find one I like.

      Reply
      1. Pennize Pics Avatar
        Pennize Pics

        I was on some that helped me for my depression and sleep but I can’t afford anything now.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Sorry to hear that. I’ve heard healthcare is very expensive there.

          Reply
          1. Pennize Pics Avatar
            Pennize Pics

            Yes, but it doesn’t help that I don’t have a consiseant income either. But that’s another story.

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              I see, I guess that makes it more complicated.

              Reply
  39. haoyando Avatar
    haoyando

    Haha, I have similar feelings about high school, although I have to say despite my dislike of my high school, I loved my friends there. My high school was bad, but it was so much better than my dysfunctional family life. So I couldn’t really complain. My high school was bad in a boring and didactic and useless way. However it was still sane. In contrast, my own family was a narcissistic mad house.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I feel the same way. I love my high school friends and the memories we made. However, my school was also extremely boring and I found the rules excessive and unnecessary.

      Reply
  40. Belladonna Avatar
    Belladonna

    Whenever I sabotage myself it’s because I feel like I dreamed to big and can’t be achieved. Fake that confidence until you convince yourself that you have it!
    Great read girlie!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Mine is usually because I feel scared I won’t succeed. And I hate losing lol. Thank you and yes faking it till you make it actually really works!

      Reply
      1. Belladonna Avatar
        Belladonna

        I suspect that you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Thanks, really appreciate that!

          Reply
  41. dustyreviewer Avatar
    dustyreviewer

    Great poem! And very visceral.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you!

      Reply
      1. dustyreviewer Avatar
        dustyreviewer

        You’re welcome!

        Reply
  42. My Rollercoaster Journey Avatar
    My Rollercoaster Journey

    I love the poem “shattered dreams”. I relate to it because I feel like my anxiety and depression often hold me back from fulfilling my dreams.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks and I feel the same way sometimes.

      Reply

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