Lifesfinewhine

The Life & Ramblings Of A Zillennial

Nothing At All Is Better Than Everything All The Time

Nothing At All Is Better Than Everything All The Time | Fake Smiles
Source: https://www.quotev.com/story/10740313/Fake-Smiles/1

Sometimes the pills don’t work

And you still don’t feel happy inside

Just numb like everything is okay

But deep down you know it’s not

You go about your day

And try to act normal

Until you see the news

And remember that nothing is okay

Nothing will ever be okay

So you take another pill

To make the bad things go away

But you still see them

Walking right beside you like your shadow

You take a drink so you can fall asleep

In your bed there are no shadows

But then you remember the monsters under it

That have been clawing at you all your life

Trying to pull you down with them

You remember what it was like

Living in your closet

Surrounded by the darkness

And the monsters trying to keep you there

So you keep taking more pills

Until you can’t feel anything anymore

And you sit and smile

While staring at the wall

About This Poem:

“Nothing At All Is Better Than Everything All The Time” is a brave name for a poem, lol. But it’s also how I feel. I’m just off the bat going to say that I am on a lot of cough syrup right now so this “about” part may make no sense at all.

This poem is about my struggles with depression and what it was like taking medication for it. For me, it’s always been sort of a lose-lose situation. If I don’t take the pills I have depression and if I do take them I feel numb and awful. And I’m not looking for judgement about that. I know the pills work for some people but they don’t for me. I’ve tried so many and they all make me feel worse. And I was thinking of that recently which is what led me to this poem. Although I wouldn’t call it a poem as it’s more like me writing out my thoughts. Which I guess is what a poem is. But this just doesn’t feel like a poem. I don’t know. Whatever. Have you ever felt numb? And sometimes does feeling nothing at all feel better than feeling too much? Let me know in the comments below.

For more poetry click here.

If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to like, follow, share and comment!

Enjoyed this post? Then follow me on social media:

Twitter Instagram Pinterest LinkedIn HubPages

Email me on(guest posts welcome!): insomniacwithanaccent@gmail.com

Lifesfinewhine Services

Share This Post On:

Posted by:

P. J. Gudka

102 responses to “Nothing At All Is Better Than Everything All The Time”

  1. Katie Giletto Avatar
    Katie Giletto

    Yeah sometimes I get the numbness. It’s kind of like apathy. The poem captures this feeling for me.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you. Yes, I think it’s is. I’m sorry you find it relatable but just know you’re not alone in feeling that way.

      Reply
  2. Hilary Tan Avatar
    Hilary Tan

    Nothing is going right this week, and everything is going wrong. My depression is bad and I can relate to your poem. Everything but the medications since I’m not taking meds right now (but probably should be)

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I’m sorry to hear that. It’s been kind of similar for me and it sucks. I hope you feel better soon. And do try meds if you feel like you need them. Even if it’s short terms so you can get a break from the depression and work on yourself more.

      Reply
  3. John Avatar
    John

    Wow, I hope you can stop taking so much cough syrup, Pooja, and sometimes the pills just don’t work… Be well. ❤️

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I hope so too, I want to stop by next week. Yeah, sometimes they don’t work but thankfully I’ve found ways to manage everything without them ❤️

      Reply
      1. John Avatar
        John

        Good news. ☺️

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          🥰😊

          Reply
  4. Warren Avatar
    Warren

    I felt numb once that scared me….I was at work, the entire side of myself went numb…..started at my left arm and worked it’s way to my head..it went away pretty quick, it took all I had to try to act normal, I had a can of coke with me, and once I had a couple of drinks I was okay…I never have actually told anyone about that….but, it’s amazing how many people just push off people that suffer from depression or anything like it’s, as if it’s nothing at all…….which why some never talk or admit it…..your piece on social anxiety really hit my nail on the head…..I hide stuff pretty well, but yep….I recognized me

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I’m sorry you went through that, it couldn’t have been an easy experience to go through. I think many of us are high functioning because we learn to push down our mental health issues but the truth is they’re still there and always will be. It sucks but you just have to learn to live despite it.

      Reply
  5. Sadje Avatar
    Sadje

    This is a very touching poem Pooja! Antidepressants have lots of side effects and one that is most disturbing is feeling numb. This make the medication ineffective for some people. I understood your poem completely.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Absolutely, some meds can even make you literally numb. One of them made my fingers go numb for short periods of time. So, I think it really depends on the person and how effective the meds are with them. Thanks so much.

      Reply
      1. Sadje Avatar
        Sadje

        You’re most welcome 🙏🏼

        Reply
  6. Rochelle | Adventuresfromelle Avatar
    Rochelle | Adventuresfromelle

    I know the feeling of numbness all too well so I can relate to your poem. What I do in those moments is look back at happy moments, videos, pics and surround myself with friends and family and my partner or visit somewhere nice or buy myself something nice (if I can afford to… sometimes this becomes my excuse to comfort eat though). Somehow these things remind me that life will get better again. I’ve just learnt to accept the highs and lows, and embrace them for what they are

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      That helps me a lot too. I try to go out, remember good memories and hang out with those I love. I think that is very effective for low moments.

      Reply
  7. DEVANG UPADHYAYA Avatar
    DEVANG UPADHYAYA

    I don’t know what to say PooG

    Sending you much love ❤️

    Take care and I hope you feel better soon.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I deleted your comment with a typo dw. Thanks so much, it is what it is I guess ♥️

      Reply
      1. DEVANG UPADHYAYA Avatar
        DEVANG UPADHYAYA

        Hawww you deleted my comment 🫢
        😛

        Take care PooG. 🤗

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Thanks 😊

          Reply
  8. Rita Avatar
    Rita

    I have been there. Life can feel almost like a dream a non-reality, if you will. But if you don’t take your pills…wham… depression. Great cycle, isn’t it?

    I have been in a few different antidepressants in my lifetime. Some work better than others. Some don’t work at all. Some people need more than one, or a combination with other meds.

    Having a good psychiatrist is key, who knows who you are and how you work. Child #3 has finally reached that plane. Child #4 as well. Unfortunately, their father never found that balance.

    Child #1 has moved away. 😭. Child #2 is still struggling. That’s life. My prayers are with you.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yes, exactly. It’s like you’re watching your own life happening from afar. Not a fan of it.

      I wish you the best with all 4 kids. Having a supportive parent like you, I’m sure they will find their way to happiness 💕

      Reply
  9. Carol anne Avatar
    Carol anne

    wow can I ever relate to this! You hit the nail on the head, and are spot on! Big hugs going your way if you’d like them!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much and sending hugs back!

      Reply
  10. Joseph Glidden Avatar
    Joseph Glidden

    Powerful poem.

    Be careful with over the counter cold and cough medicine. I had a friend that died from taking too much cold, flu and cough medicine. Some of them have the same ingredients so you end up with too many doses of the same thing.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. Yes, apparently it’s pretty easy to overdose on cough syrup so I’m only taking the recommend amounts at the moment.

      Reply
  11. drpoonamchaubey Avatar
    drpoonamchaubey

    Understand your plight via the poem!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much!

      Reply
  12. Opher Avatar
    Opher

    Inside our skulls there’s a pink blancmange full of electricity. Our whole world is in the flashing networks of our mind. The chemistry is complex. It’s a wonder that it ever works right.
    The art is to tweek the chemistry so that it works optimally.
    You express the dilemma so well in your poem.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yes, our brain is very complicated and tends to malfunction sometimes. I think the best thing is like you said to tweek it. That’s why CBT helps so many long term.

      Reply
  13. Bookstooge Avatar
    Bookstooge

    You have my sympathies.
    I tend to have to deal w the opposite problem of feeling too much.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks. I started taking meds for the same reason- because I was feeling too much. But then I felt nothing so I stopped taking them. I would rather feel everything even when it’s overwhelming.

      Reply
  14. The Passive Voyeur Blog Avatar
    The Passive Voyeur Blog

    I know exactly where you’re coming from, apathy is a major problem of mine 😊💕🙏

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks, sorry you experience that too 💕💖

      Reply
  15. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
    Cindy Georgakas

    I’m glad you’ve found what works for you Pooja. Great “poem”💕. Side effects can kill you too. I wish this cough of mine would stop but o know that cough syrup would just suppress it… darn babies!! lol. 😆 im on a homeopathic remedy that seems to be working knock on wood! Full house tomorrow! Feel better! 💐 Love ya

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yup, often the side effects are worse than the illness you’re taking meds for! It sucks and honestly homeopathic remedies are best when they work. The cough is my biggest problem too, I’m over the rest 😫 Feel better soon and have fun with the fam!

      Reply
      1. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
        Cindy Georgakas

        That’s for sure! They are awesome when you find the right one which can be challenging! Sooo glad the worst is over. I’m going to attempt getting up… lol fingers crossed-:(
        🤞 💕❤️💕

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          I’m sure you’ll be back to normal in no time! 😊

          Reply
          1. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
            Cindy Georgakas

            Thanks for the good wishes.. on the mend for sure. xo ❣️

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              Happy to hear that 😊

              Reply
  16. Stella Reddy Avatar
    Stella Reddy

    Wonderful poem, Pooja…

    Yes, sometimes feeling numb is good but I don’t like it. I rather deal with my strong emotions than have pills flatten them. While it helps to take the bad feelings away, it also takes the good and that isn’t what I want. I don’t like feeling like a zombie!

    I have the same problem with depression meds and have tried many different ones in the last 40 yrs, all with the same result so I stopped trying to find one that would work for me. I have been told that some people just can’t take them. My emotions is what drives who I am as a person and I prefer not to change that and become someone I am not because of pills.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. That’s exactly how I feel too. I prefer feeling everything even when it’s difficult to process rather than be numb to everything. I feel like a different person on meds and not in a good way so I decided to stop them a few years ago.

      Reply
  17. muktaverma Avatar
    muktaverma

    Your poem’s title, “Nothing At All Is Better Than Everything All The Time”, indeed carries a bold, resonating message. The poem, painted with your raw emotions, explores the often complex and tumultuous journey of managing depression, especially in relation to medication. Take care and thank you for opening up this discussion.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much. I try to be honest on my blog so that includes the lows with the highs. Thanks again.

      Reply
      1. muktaverma Avatar
        muktaverma

        You are welcome 🙂

        Reply
  18. Brian, Snarebox Avatar
    Brian, Snarebox

    I felt the same way. In the end I’d rather be depressed sometimes than numb and lazy.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I’m sorry you could relate and that’s exactly it. I would rather feel the depression along with everything else rather than be numb all the time.

      Reply
  19. Clurichaun Avatar
    Clurichaun

    I do know what depression is and exactly what you say about the medications. I am on a considerable amount just to maintain some semblance of functionality, but also becoming resistance to them. It is a hard choice to make between with and without. Keep up the fight, friend.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yes, I think it’s definitely a difficult choice because either way you kind of lose. The resistance to the meds is another issue. You have to keep upping the dose which sucks. Still, sometimes they are necessary. Keep fighting too, we’re stronger than depression.

      Reply
      1. Clurichaun Avatar
        Clurichaun

        Truth. Thinking of you, good lady.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          And you as well.

          Reply
  20. SiriusSea Avatar
    SiriusSea

    Spot on as always Pooja! Love to you!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much, sending some love your way too!

      Reply
  21. mylittlehawk Avatar
    mylittlehawk

    I feel like I’m too numb to my feelings, feeling empty, but it’s not emptiness exactly. More like I repressed so much and now it can’t get out and the things keep pilling up, so I need that one moment where I could feel everything, just to let it out.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I know the feeling. It’s like you’ve pushed everything down for so long it’s hard to get it out.

      Reply
      1. mylittlehawk Avatar
        mylittlehawk

        Exactly!😕

        Reply
  22. BabyFunbo Avatar
    BabyFunbo

    This is such a powerful poem. I love it ❤️
    Some people think that pills are miracle drugs that can cure mental illnesses with the snap of a finger.
    When in reality it’s absolutely not true. It takes a lot of time and effort. And even with the pill, the numbness still seeps in.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much 💕

      I absolutely agree. It takes a lot of adjusting and even still some people never adjust to the meds. I’m so glad it helps so many people but doctors need to stop acting like it’s the only cure.

      Reply
  23. dustyreviewer Avatar
    dustyreviewer

    This is so good and the last two lines, in contrast with what came before it, are a really powerful juxtaposition between what is happening inside and what is shown on the outside. I think sometimes it’s hard not to take a smiling face at face value. But that’s a good reminder to be discerning.

    I’m sorry that this is autobiographical but I appreciate your willingness to share it, too.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. Absolutely, when we see someone smile we tend to take it at face level but the truth is humans are so complex and sometimes there’s a lot more than we see in the surface.

      Reply
      1. dustyreviewer Avatar
        dustyreviewer

        You’re welcome! We are definitely a strange species.

        Reply
  24. Shaunelius Sterns Avatar
    Shaunelius Sterns

    I know all too well about the numbness that you feel inside that is caused by depression. I feel like that right now because of what I am facing concerning my health. I hide behind a fake smile just so no one will see my real face and feelings. More than once I have had complete meltdowns because I can’t understand why depression chose me to attack. When I say me, I mean everyone who struggles with it. Just when I thought things were looking up, there it was again. Sometimes meds will work, but sometimes they won’t, but we find ways to get past that numbness and move on. I can truly say that some days are better than others and everyday is a struggle just to find the energy to motivate ourselves to get up and fight to make it through another day. Yes, I totally understand about the numbness that depression causes us to feel. Thank you for sharing your poem. It really hit home for me. All I can say is that we can’t give up fighting to be happy. We can’t give up on ourselves because of depression. We are all in this together. We are those who can talk about this firsthand because it is something we all struggle with. Happy Thanksgiving. Have a wonderful week.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I’m sorry you have experienced this too. I know what you mean. I often wonder why us and why other people can be normal. It sucks having depression and like you said every day is a struggle. But we have to keep fighting. We can’t let the depression win. Thanks and have a wonderful week too.

      Reply
  25. Silent Knight Avatar
    Silent Knight

    ✨ Taking a break for some fresh air can be like a soothing balm for the soul. 🌿 Imagine strolling through majestic mountains or feeling the sand between your toes on a tranquil beach. Sometimes, a pause from the routine is all we need to recharge. 🏞️ Don’t forget, sharing your thoughts with someone you trust can be a heartwarming experience too. 💬 In the symphony of life, taking a pause to appreciate the melody of nature or connecting with a friend can bring harmony to even the toughest of times. 🎶 Remember, self-care is a melody your heart sings to. 💖

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I absolutely agree, taking a break helps a lot. I have a therapist so that helps with sharing my thoughts. Thanks so much 😊

      Reply
  26. Milena Alien Avatar
    Milena Alien

    Feeling numb is not fun, feeling nothing is scary yet compared to that other emotions seem brighter afterwards. It’s like after covid when your smell/taste comes back, quite magical if you ask me. Or when you are in the hospital bed for a while unable to walk due to extreme weakness, gaining strength is so inspiring when you can just walk to the bathroom to pee. Such an epiphany!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yeah, I agree. When I stopped taking meds it was like I went from seeing everything in black and white to seeing everything in colour again. I hate that numb feeling and would rather feel strong emotions and deal with them than feel nothing at all. But sometimes being numb doesn’t feel so bad.

      Reply
      1. Milena Alien Avatar
        Milena Alien

        I wish there was something in between like all the feelings and sensations without overwhelming you too much

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Yeah, I wish we could choose how much to feel so it’s not either being overwhelmed or being numb. Maybe someday.

          Reply
  27. TCKlaire Avatar
    TCKlaire

    This just described me the last several months, but I get like that with PTSD

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Sorry you’ve experienced this too but keep fighting. It gets better as long as we keep working on ourselves.

      Reply
      1. TCKlaire Avatar
        TCKlaire

        Very true. I feel like things can only get better now

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          That’s the only good part of hitting rock bottom, no where to go but up.

          Reply
          1. TCKlaire Avatar
            TCKlaire

            Exactly, and when people ask me how I do things I say, “Hitting rock bottom and having nothing left to lose. I highly recommend it”

            Reply
            1. Pooja G Avatar
              Pooja G

              Haha yeah, that’s the best way to look at it.

              Reply
  28. singlikewildflowers Avatar
    singlikewildflowers

    It’s a hard thing about antidepressants. I didn’t feel any major difference but when I didn’t take it, I felt worse. I finally found a new medicine that works for me, but with the recent craziness at the hospital with Ellis, my PTSD has come back, like the nightmares. I hope the depression stays at bay because I can’t go through another relapse; it affects me and my family.
    Pooja, nice poem! I could relate.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I’m so sorry you experience this too. I’m glad you found something that works and please keep fighting for the sake of your family. I know it’s hard right now but I have faith that things will get better.
      Thanks!

      Reply
      1. singlikewildflowers Avatar
        singlikewildflowers

        Thank you, Pooja! I’m trying to stay busy and to make sure to get out of bed. I’m giving myself some grace that I need the time to recover too. I’m not the patient but a caregiver gets stress too.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          You’re very welcome! It’s true, caregivers take on so much of the mental stress and that can be exhausting.

          Reply
          1. singlikewildflowers Avatar
            singlikewildflowers

            Yes!! You expressed it perfectly.

            Reply
  29. ianscyberspace Avatar
    ianscyberspace

    I guess everyone goes into that black hole at one point in their life and some people because of a chemical imbalance are stuck with it long term. I feel for you struggling with this.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Yes, I think so. Mine is related to a chemical imbalance too but I’ve found supplements that help a lot and natural remedies too.

      Reply
  30. Belladonna Avatar
    Belladonna

    I honestly thought it was a great name for the poem. such a good read Pooja!

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much!

      Reply
      1. Belladonna Avatar
        Belladonna

        You’re welcome!

        Reply
  31. Steve Avatar
    Steve

    It’s a very courageous and evocative poem to share, Pooja.

    I am sorry to know that the struggles have been so bad and that different meds haven’t changed that. I wish you well. Take good care.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. Don’t worry, these struggles were years ago and I ended up giving up meds in favour of natural stuff which worked much better for me.

      Reply
      1. Steve Avatar
        Steve

        That’s awesome. Glad for you.

        Reply
  32. Mr. Ohh's Sideways View Avatar
    Mr. Ohh’s Sideways View

    Graet poem and it’s true nothing is ever perfect. That’s why we laugh. If we learn to laugh at it it can no longer hurt us. This comes from a therapist I know. 🤣🙃😎

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thanks so much. Yup, laughter is always the best medicine 😁

      Reply
  33. Feets Avatar
    Feets

    I’m currently waiting to take my meds because I can only take them at one time but my meds make me sleepy but it’s better than feeling exhausted and angry/frustrated.

    Depression is kicking my butt and winning. Yea, I’m alive but I’m not happy nor do I feel like doing anything. My medication makes me feel numb but it’s also the things in my life that make me that way too. I just can’t stand anything anymore, I haven’t felt like posting on WP and don’t feel like anything I make is adequate, and I currently have to pretend to be cognizant and there for people who only care about me being alive and not anything else.

    It all just wraps down to why?

    As you can clearly see, I’m struggling with everything on WP since art is the only reason I even started posting on here.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling. You’re not alone. I’ve been there and that’s why I started taking meds to begin with although I ended up using natural alternatives instead. However, I fully support others taking medication if they need to. I would really recommend therapy too. It helps a lot to have someone you can talk to openly. And if you’re ever feeling low and need a friend feel free to reach out.

      Reply
      1. Feets Avatar
        Feets

        Alrighty, I’ll consider!

        Reply
  34. jesusluvsall Avatar
    jesusluvsall

    I understand how you feel Pooja. I have had depression all of my life. Thankfully God has helped me in many ways.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      That’s really wonderful and thank you so much.

      Reply
  35. Nicole Smith Avatar
    Nicole Smith

    Brilliant, I love it.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much.

      Reply
  36. Pennize Pics Avatar
    Pennize Pics

    I spent many years struggling with depression. The medications I was on did numb me some but it wasn’t too bad. But once I learned techniques to help how I felt and studied Psychology, I got a handle on most everything. I haven’t been on medication for almost 4 years now. I occasionally have low days especially if it was triggered but I make it through. Excellent poem though Pooja. It was real and sincere.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      It was the same for me. I took medication for a bit but over time I learnt how to handle my depression without them and haven’t taken the medication since. Although sometimes I miss being numb I guess. Thanks so much.

      Reply
      1. Pennize Pics Avatar
        Pennize Pics

        Yes, I can understand the wanting to feel numb sometimes. I find myself tearing up over some of the simplest shows now. I guess it’s natural because it shows I care and have feelings for others.

        Reply
        1. Pooja G Avatar
          Pooja G

          Yeah, I do that too. It’s like I’ve held the feelings in for so long that now that I’m in a healthier place they’re all pouring out.

          Reply
  37. Couples therapy Avatar
    Couples therapy

    I would love to see more articles like this one that focus on practical ways to support couples mental health. It’s a topic that needs more attention, and your insights are invaluable.

    Reply
    1. Pooja G Avatar
      Pooja G

      Thank you so much, hope to share more in the future.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Find Me On Socials!

Check Out My Book:

All The Words I Kept Inside By P. J. Gudka

Discover more from Lifesfinewhine

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading