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Expectations Vs Boundaries

Expectations Vs Boundaries
Image Created By Loku Comics: https://lokucomics1.wordpress.com/

I’ve had a particularly long day so I’ll keep this post a little short. But I wanted to publish it today because I’ve put it off for too long. As a lot of you know, this year has been difficult for me and expectations vs boundaries is something I’ve thought about a lot. Recently, I was reading a post by JixiFox (do check out his blog for more awesome posts!) and this line in particular really stood out to me:

“They hand you storms, Because you walk around creating thunder.”

Pressure Points

One thing I’ve realised is that when you constantly say “yes” and project yourself as being able to handle everything, there are people that will take advantage of it. Instead of appreciating you or being impressed by all you’re able to do, they’ll hand you even more. And if you still say “yes” they will feel entitled to your labour and hard-work.

That’s where the boundaries come in. It’s so important to be vulnerable, to know your limits and to say no when you need to. Don’t let them expect too much because they will quickly become accustomed and entitled to it.

Another awesome post I read about boundaries today:

The Paradox of Boundaries

Image Credit:

I want to give a special shoutout to Lokesh from Loku Comics for creating this image for the post. It ended up looking really cool. If you’re reading this, I hope you check out his comics blog as well as his other blog

What are your thoughts on expectations vs boundaries? Let me know in the comments below!

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P. J. Gudka

81 responses to “Expectations Vs Boundaries”

  1. ianscyberspace Avatar
    ianscyberspace

    The problem with our world to day is that the current generation of parents are lax on boundaries so do not model to their children how to set them. Boundaries are important.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      That’s an interesting take, what I’ve noticed in my area/community though is that it’s the other way around. Older generations go above and beyond for people that are clearly taking advantage of them whereas younger generations are more likely to set strong boundaries.

      Reply
  2. Bookstooge Avatar
    Bookstooge

    Too true about people taking advantage, even good people who you would think would know better. But I’ve come to realize that they just can’t see what is going on inside of us and thus the responsibility falls on MY shoulders to let them know, which is where the boundaries come in. I’ve found if those good people know why I’m saying no, they are much less likely to ask in the future because now they are aware of what is going on inside. And they will respect that.
    As for the not-so-good people, well, I don’t have anything to say about them 😉 except “no” time after time and then eventually I just ignore them.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, exactly- it’s up to us to speak up and set proper boundaries. Sometimes people may not even realise they’re asking for too much until we say something.

      Reply
  3. BSw Avatar
    BSw

    One I like is… the blue sky doesn’t fear the thunder 💙

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I really like that and so true.

      Reply
  4. Christopher Hall Avatar
    Christopher Hall

    It’s a battle we’re all fighting here together! You aren’t alone! Keep pushing forward, while having compassion for yourself too! 💗

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you and you as well! 💗

      Reply
  5. Carolyn Page Avatar
    Carolyn Page

    There’s a saying that goes something like – if you need something done, ask a busy person to do it! Meaning: that person is generally someone without boundaries……..

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      That’s so accurate, exactly what I was trying to say in this post.

      Reply
  6. Mike Adams Avatar
    Mike Adams

    Great point! Unfortunately, when dealing with a supervisor, we don’t always have a choice. When pushed back, the response is often that you are paid to perform the tasks assigned to you, period. On top of that, they will take advantage of the natural aversion to any perceived failure, thus believing that you will do whatever is needed to accomplish the assignment — regardless of physical or mental cost.

    Reply
    1. Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/ Avatar
      Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

      I’ve had to have discussions with supervisors re workload, deadlines and priorities. When the tasks are broken down into how many hours it will take us when it’s needed, suddenly something that was urgent all of a sudden can wait a little longer so something else can be focused on.

      Reply
    2. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, unfortunately it becomes more complicated in the workplace and with workplace superiors. That’s why a lot of people are quiet quitting which is essentially just them doing the job they’re paid to do and refusing to take on more than they can handle.

      Reply
  7. L.G. Avatar
    L.G.

    Great points, great post, I’m always trying to figure out expectations vs boundaries. Work in progress.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thanks so much. Something I’m working on too, I hope we’re both able to get better with setting boundaries and showing ourselves compassion.

      Reply
  8. Warren Avatar
    Warren

    i’ve got to stop saying no to myself though. I wasted so many opportunities this past year just saying no, I’m not sure, I’m not up to it…..I need to start letting myself go

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I know it feels more comfortable to stay in your safe place but getting out of your comfort zone and saying yes more can really make life much more exciting.

      Reply
  9. John Avatar
    John

    It’s okay to put yourself first in some situations to retain your self respect and dignity. Saying NO can be a part of that process.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yup, I absolutely agree. Say no when need be.

      Reply
  10. Willie Torres Jr. Avatar
    Willie Torres Jr.

    So true. Saying yes too much can drain you. Boundaries are healthy and necessary.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, absolutely- so important to set boundaries when we need to.

      Reply
  11. Milena Alien Avatar
    Milena Alien

    Boundaries are a luxury not everyone can afford. Or this is what people believe about them. Expectations are party poopers that spoil the celebration of life with predictable success. If only we could drop them for a quick second, things would start changing right away.

    Reply
    1. Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/ Avatar
      Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

      Yes, so true!

      Reply
    2. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, that’s so true. Especially if you go from always saying yes to setting more boundaries. People are quick to judge.

      Reply
      1. Milena Alien Avatar
        Milena Alien

        For sure, the change is definitely uncomfortable. Much easier when you go the other way around

        Reply
  12. Sadje Avatar
    Sadje

    We should enforce boundaries ourselves and not expect others to realize that they are piling up too much on us.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, exactly. Sometimes people may not even realise that we have too much on our plate which is why we need to speak up.

      Reply
      1. Sadje Avatar
        Sadje

        Very true my friend.

        Reply
  13. Jixi Fox Avatar
    Jixi Fox

    Such an awesome graphic… so so cool

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Ikr I absolutely loved it.

      Reply
  14. Jixi Fox Avatar
    Jixi Fox

    I love and look to always set my boundaries. It’s the proactive way to protect yourselves and direct the narrative instead of feeling you are following others lead, and in that case you are no longer in control. 🙂

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yeah, I think it’s really important to know what works best for us and living life in that way instead of what works for others.

      Reply
  15. Jixi Fox Avatar
    Jixi Fox

    Thanks again for the link and shout out. 😉

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Happy to do so, that line really stood out to me.

      Reply
  16. shivatje Avatar
    shivatje

    🙏👍

    Aum Shanti

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      🙏🙏

      Reply
  17. Joseph Glidden Avatar
    Joseph Glidden

    A lot of companies now give people extra work as a reward for doing a good job instead of a pay raise. Apparently it is something that is taught in business management courses now. Maybe they should be teaching better communication skills, lol.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Unfortunately, that’s very true. I wish we learnt better communication in high school actually, a lot of us would be better at boundaries had that been the case.

      Reply
  18. katiemiafrederick Avatar
    katiemiafrederick

    SMiLes i Suppose it’s a Common
    Meme Yet my Boss Once Told
    me Perhaps Better or For Worse
    Directed me that 90 Percent of

    The Work is Done By 10 Percent of the Force

    True ‘The Force’ Is Strong With me and if one

    Works for Someone Else Either Go by the Rules or Leave

    That isn’t Always Easy to Do Particularly Back in those Days

    Where Someone like my Wife With Epilepsy Was Practically
    Impossible to Get Insurance Covered
    For Health Other than Guaranteed
    Employer Coverage Particularly
    With the Golden Handcuffs of
    25 Years of Servitude in Return

    For Lifetime Benefits ThiS WaY

    Ah Yes the Golden Hand-Cuffs of

    Saying Yes to Stay Employed Particularly
    When Reductions in Force are a Way of Life

    To Get to that
    Golden Age
    of Retirement
    Before the Expectations
    Without Boundaries Put me Down

    i Love Doing a Thousand Percent Now
    Always Fully Engaging in What i Love to Do

    Yet of Course Being the Boss of me Makes

    It All Effortless in Ease Controlling the

    Pace as i Please with no

    Yes or No
    Required
    to Please or
    Just Survive

    Ah yes The Freedom
    to Please and Say No

    For Both Surviving And Thriving too

    Quite a Blessing That is For Wings Finally
    Soaring Free
    With
    SMiLes
    Dear Pooja..:)

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      And that 10% doing all the work is usually paid the least too. So sad. Please, no and thank you are definitely most important!

      Reply
      1. katiemiafrederick Avatar
        katiemiafrederick

        So Nice to
        Be Far Away
        18 Years

        From 33
        Years

        Of
        Servitude
        For “Soylent Green”

        Dear
        Pooja
        With SMiles
        ☺️🙌

        Reply
  19. Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/ Avatar
    Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

    Thanks for the share Pooja! Yes, it’s difficult to practice putting boundaries in place, not only for the work people want us to do, but also for how they treat us and what they say to us. However, the cost of not doing it is far greater. I understand the emotional toll ot takes, especially when dealing with people skilled at manipulation and guilt-tripping! I’ve had to do it, it’s not easy, but my mental health demanded I do it. My inner peace restored was a good reward!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Absolutely, I had the hardest time with boundaries when I was younger in all aspects of life. But that just ended up with me burnt out and depressed/anxious. Boundaries are vital and I’ve decided that if someone tries to manipulate mine they’re not worth my time. I’m so glad you’ve gotten better with boundaries and found inner peace- it’s certainly a difficult journey but so worth it!

      Reply
  20. writinstuff Avatar
    writinstuff

    Boundaries are essential b/c if you don’t set them for the world outside, then you’re limiting the time & mental space you have left over for yourself. It’s a difficult but essential lesson.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Absolutely, you end up pouring from an empty cup if you take on too much.

      Reply
  21. Dawn Avatar
    Dawn

    Someone in my past kept pushing my comfort zone when asking me to take on new things. NO wasn’t easily in my vocabulary and letting someone down that needed something was almost impossible for me. I started using “”let me check my schedule and I’ll get back to you” to buy me some time to REALLY decide how I felt about their request, and so that I didn’t give an automatic ‘of course’ and regret it later.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I know that feeling, something I’ve been through as well. It’s so hard to say no when you’re used to saying yes but we have to protect ourselves too.

      Reply
  22. Eugi Avatar
    Eugi

    Saying no is a commitment to stand up for oneself. We set our boundaries to protect our well-being.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Agreed, we should stand up for our wellbeing too. It’s important to say no when we need to.

      Reply
      1. Eugi Avatar
        Eugi

        💕

        Reply
  23. A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA Avatar
    A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA

    Glad you are doing more self care in making boundaries.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you so much, it’s been tough and I’ve felt a lot of guilt but it’s necessary.

      Reply
      1. A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA Avatar
        A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA

        Next step is not to feel guilty about self-care.

        Reply
        1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
          P. J. Gudka

          I think practice will help with that.

          Reply
  24. Any Element Avatar
    Any Element

    Good point, expectations can often become obsessions with no bounds

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you and I totally agree, there has to be limits.

      Reply
      1. Any Element Avatar
        Any Element

        Indeed.

        Reply
  25. Lauren Scott, Author Avatar
    Lauren Scott, Author

    A great post, Pooja. Boundaries are so important. 💖

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you so much and yes they absolutely are 💗

      Reply
  26. Opher Avatar
    Opher

    We have to know our capabilities and limits. I, of course, have no limits!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Haha well that’s quite lucky!

      Reply
  27. emosobriety Avatar
    emosobriety

    Boundaries are important. I’m learning to listen to my gut and say no to things and knowing that doing so doesn’t make me a bad person.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I’m trying to do the same. There’s still a lot of guilt that comes up when I say no to someone but it’s something I think we have to keep doing to get used to.

      Reply
  28. clcouch123 Avatar
    clcouch123

    There’s nothing like health, and you seem to be headed in a good direction to increase yours.

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thanks so much, totally agree. I wouldn’t trade in my peace for anything ever again!

      Reply
  29. destiny Avatar
    destiny

    “…they’ll hand you even more..”
    so true and such lessons come the difficult way unfortunately 🥴…
    boundaries…it sounds easy but it isn’t – even when it is desperately needed…and then aren’t we thankful for eventually …(😬lol)

    well said, Pooja… 🤍

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yes, I feel most of us have experienced this unfortunately. It’s so incredibly difficult to set boundaries, even now I have a lot of guilt when I say no. But it’s necessary 💗

      Reply
  30. Doug Avatar
    Doug

    If you’re not too busy now, could you please move the Moon so that it orbits another planet. There are too many love poems that refer to it and too many wolves howl at it. I know you can do it. You have the charms and such.

    Also, in your spare time, please invent cold fusion because we need an extra power source.

    and then for Christmas or the whatever holiday, please bring world peace.

    I’m only asking you because I heard that Santa retired.

    Also, I’m wondering: What is this English word “no”. I’ve never heard of it. The software has removed it at most companies and office parties.

    Don’t say no to love and peace. Please complete before 12/16.

    Nothing is impossible.

    Yours Truly,
    Dr. Yes T. Grinch IV

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Unfortunately, it seems we’re far from world peace and even Santa can’t do anything about it.

      Reply
  31. Vanya Wryter Consulting Avatar
    Vanya Wryter Consulting

    Boundaries are important. Took me years to start insisting on them!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Same here and honestly I still feel guilty about it sometimes. But definitely necessary!

      Reply
  32. utahan15 Avatar
    utahan15

    it is ok to say no
    amen let it be so

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yup, gotta let go what’s out of our control.

      Reply
      1. utahan15 Avatar
        utahan15

        easier said than done

        Reply
        1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
          P. J. Gudka

          For sure.

          Reply
  33. Ryan Cecere Avatar
    Ryan Cecere

    Great post!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Thank you!

      Reply
  34. Cindy Georgakas Avatar
    Cindy Georgakas

    I so agree, Pooja. It’s a tricky one when you’re the only game in town and people depend on you. It’s a balance always between what you can and can’t do and what you want and don’t want to do.. xx

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      Yup, definitely and I know you can relate too with how hard it is for us to have that balance.

      Reply
  35. SiriusSea Avatar
    SiriusSea

    I needed this today … Life’s struggle! Excellent timing and post!

    Reply
    1. P. J. Gudka Avatar
      P. J. Gudka

      I’m glad the post found you when you needed it!

      Reply

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