Learning To Give Up

Learning To Give Up

Today, I have decided to talk about the art of giving up. Because learning to give up is a vital part of adulting. Have I given up on life and love? Yes. But that’s not the point so let’s move past it.

YARN | He's... It's-it's a whole thing. Just move past it. | It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) - S09E04 Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare |

This is different, it’s about learning to give up in a. good way. I’m talking about a different type on giving up. Recently I have been learning to give up on negativity and giving up on the idea of control. I am somewhat of a perfectionist. Something you may not realise from my less than perfect blog posts. But in life, I like to meticulously plan everything out and have a tendency to flip out when things don’t go perfectly and as you can imagine it’s been a pretty harmful thing for me. And I am pretty much setting myself up for failure and disappointment.

Why The Change?

So recently, I gave up on control. If things go wrong (and they did) I am just going to accept it and try to make the best of it. I’m trying to be grateful for what I have. And if I don’t get something I want, that’s fine. It just wasn’t meant to be. The Universe knows what’s best for me and I trust it. Freaking out about things I have no control over isn’t doing anyone any good. I was meditating before bed the other day and this realisation just hit me and I haven’t been the same since then. It’s been weirdly freeing. Like with the WordPress thing, I gave up and am letting the universe handle it. Stressing out is going to help no one so I let it go. It’ll get fixed when it does.

Have I suddenly become an optimist after swearing to live my life as an unhappy pessimist? Absolutely not, I am now and will forever be a pessimist. But I guess now we can say, for a pessimist, I’m pretty optimistic.

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135 thoughts on “Learning To Give Up

  1. You’re right. We can’t control some of the things that happen to us. Instead of worrying we should stay present and trust the universe to do its thing.

    On the subject of giving up, I’ve also come to the conclusion that there are healthy forms of giving up. Especially where people are concerned.

    I find your post interesting because I was planning to write something similar next week 😅

    As for the WordPress thing, everything will fall into place with time ✨

    1. I absolutely agree. There are some things we have no control over and just need to let go. I look forward to reading your post too, it seems we are thinking alike 😅

  2. Pooja, it sounds like you are really embracing healthy forms of self-care and realizing we can’t control everything… which can be a hard lesson to learn. So “high fives” to you for this work you’re doing! It will serve you well now and in your future. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    1. Thank you so much, it’s been hard getting here but the work has been worth it. I’m slowly starting to feel much better. 😃

  3. There are things that we cannot control
    We should never let it disturb our inner peace. Even if you stay sad or bothered with it, you cannot Undo or change few things.

    Take care buddy, I hope everything is well for you.

  4. It isn’t quite giving up, but one of my clients owes me a small amount and we are having banking issues. I find that “giving up” on getting the money has decreased my stress. If I’m meant to get paid, it will happen.

    1. Yes, with working remotely things like this do happen. Stressing over it will help no one and rather understanding that whatever is going to happen will happen helps us more.

  5. The way I see it is if I am whipping a dead horse, it’s time to move on. That philosophy has served me well in lots of aspects in life

        1. True, to be honest a lot of what society says isn’t beneficial and that’s why we often have to reprogram ourselves as adults.

  6. You are right on point! I tend to panic when things don’t go as I had intended but I have been applying the art of letting go in my life lately. And it turns out, I was stressing for no reason!

  7. “we have yet to try life. We still have steps no one before us has ever walked.” Darwish.

    an optimistic pessimist… it’s a positive attitude, I think 😉
    a great day your way, dear Pooja🤍

    1. Absolutely, stressing ourselves out for no reason does not bring us anything good. Letting go is a much more positive response.

  8. “You can give up. you can be bad at things, you can stay weird. that’s you, that’s just the way you are and that’s cool. that’s human” – Taeyong

    This quote is so dear to me. You’re absolutely right, Pooja. Everything that happens in our life is not under our control, we have to see the good things and keep moving forward ✨

    1. Thanks for sharing that quote, I really enjoyed it. And yes, I agree. Most things are out of our control and letting go of those can be very helpful.

  9. With age comes the wisdom of when we can control things and when we cannot. (I am not implying that you are getting old. Some get it younger than others)

    I have always thought that the list of things we have true control over is small.

    An old boss of mine said that if I were any more laid back, they would have to check to see if I was breathing.

    The lyrics in the song “The Gambler” sums it up nicely “You got to know when to hold em and know when to fold em” 😊

    The good news is pessimists live longer, according to the American Psychological Association.

    As Spock would say in Star Trek, live long and prosper.

    1. I am getting old but in a good way. At least that’s how I feel. I am maturing I guess and have had enough experiences to navigate life better.

      I love The Gambler and that sums it up nicely. Haha well, here’s to a long life 🥂

  10. Just my two cents worth…Between the folds of time I have found far more questions than answers. Unfortunate for me, these answer I know are really for someone else’s questions. Which now begs the question, will all my unknown answers be found in someone else? Albeit, we may deny a fragment of our hope resides on the fringes of our life, we will openly pretend out of sight is out of mind and in due time when we least expect it, the universe will smile upon us.

    1. Yes, I think the older we get the more questions we have and the less answers we acquire. The more I know the more I realise that I really know nothing.

  11. “letting go” is one of the difficult tasks because it comes with an acknowledgement that , you can’t do anything about the situation anymore. Instead of tormenting , it’s better to surrender and see where the new course is taking you.

  12. I’d like to share a quote from Epictetus that goes along the same lines as your thinking and has helped me immensely:

    “Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

    The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.”

    1. I absolutely love that quote, thank you for sharing it. And I very much agree with it. Once we realise that beyond our own actions nothing is in our control we start seeing the world and those around us differently.

  13. In all things we learn to be contented. There is a reward for letting go, for releasing. Giving up is a very harsh term to speak to your psyche.. try releasing. The firmest grip is an open palm. It’s a way of controlling that which you cannot alter. I wish you well Pooja G💪

    1. Thank you and yes more like releasing or letting go. But as a pessimist I couldn’t let this be too optimistic and had to call it giving up 😅

    1. Yes, I have found that the older I get the easier it is to give up on certain things. Things constantly change and many times for the better!

  14. This is impressive! Dealing with reality in the most healthy form is a sign of growth. Keep it up.

  15. This is all part of a healthy growth, I wish I had your insight when I was your age! Now that I am older and my children are 13, 17, and 20, I am finally coming to these conclusions <3 Be proud of yourself. xx

    1. Thanks so much, I think therapy has helped me progress a lot. And I am happy to have come to this conclusion. I’m glad we’re in similar mindsets in life!

  16. Giving up is often giving back to yourself what you have lost – time, love, peace – in mind, body, and spirit. It is bringing back harmony to spark the potential within.

  17. Ya… I’m a perfectionist too. You’d think I’d just empty my beans into a pot and cook them. Not me! I have to line them all up and drop them in one at a time, looking for imperfections! If one is shaped funny, I have to send it back and ask for a refund!

    I was worried about WordPress too; laying in the dark all worried nobody will like me, before I realized, nobody likes me anyway, so what’s the difference? I think you’re doing the right thing by just letting it go.

    1. Perfectionism is often a bittersweet thing. In some ways it can help us get further in life and in a lot ways it hurts us. I think letting go definitely helps and it often a good thing.

  18. I can’t give up on control; I like to keep a balance in personal life as well as a dancer ( balancing and turning on my toes 😉). But I am not a perfectionist. Life has taught me that imperfections are the real teachers. So enjoy the journey, add some salty toppings to a sweet muffin. 😋

    1. I totally get that, as someone who is in the arts you need some control. But perfectionism is definitely the real problem. Thank you 😊

  19. Embrace an imperfect practice…this is my favourite comment of the year so far. A nugget dropped by a friend during a conversation about sometimes letting routines slip..:)

    1. That’s a very smart thing to do, your friend is wise. I’m trying to do just that and embrace the imperfect with the perfect 😊

  20. Giving up control is a beneficial exercise, I find it hard to do though. The thing is I find myself bouncing right back after a short break. so the question is Should we still do it? – Absolutely. Short breaks allow you to change perspective and look around to see more.

    1. It’s incredibly difficult and I am far from perfect at it but I think it’s worth it to learn to let go. Yes, definitely keep doing it.

  21. I feel there are times where we spend way too much energy on attempting to fix things we can’t control. It’s best to just move on and seek an alternative.

    I spent hours on a WP Hybrid theme trying to make it acceptable to me. After all, it is my blog. I wasn’t happy with the results and reverted back to my old theme. Now, I can concentrate on writing and have peace of mind. Same with many things in life. Live out your imagination, not your history.” Stephen R. Covey

    1. I very much agree with you. I am much more selective over what I spend my energy on. Some of these themes are not the best and very hard to customise just right. So I understand the struggle and why you reverted to your old theme. Glad you can concentrate on your writing now which is obviously the main thing.

  22. આશાવાદ અલ્બાટ્રોસ જેવો છે: તે ઉડી શકે છે પરંતુ તે ઉતરી શકતો નથી.

  23. I agree that being a perfectionist myself, giving up is a word that does not exist in my dictionary. But, I also feel as if giving up at times has a good impact on mental wellbeing.

    1. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult for us perfectionists to give up or let go but is often better for our mental health since freaking out doesn’t really help anyone. Especially in situations that are out of our control.

  24. I grew up with a mother who used to flip out about everything, as I’ve said a few times before on my site, in fact she did it only last Tuesday after hearing a family near me arguing. The result of all of that stress, tension and flipping out? She has hypertension and is on medication.

    For my part, I very rarely lose my temper. If I’m trying to achieve something and something happens that didn’t need to happen, that nobody could control, then I might get mad because it’s like I’ve wasted energy that I could have used elsewhere, but I don’t flip out on customer service folk, assistants etc like my mother does. I’m married to one, so I know they’re just doing their job.

    My father was always a very humble man, a quietly confident man – know your skills but don’t go bragging about them. I learned to emulate him, to be like him, result? My mental health is reasonably good and my blood pressure is normal.

    The key is to be a realist, to know that like is full of good and bad, enjoy the good times and survive the bad ones. Nothing is forever.

    Also, don’t give up on love. I did that once to focus on myself instead. Now I’m married 😝

    1. Both my parents freak out about stuff very easily and I’m trying to be the opposite. They both have hypertension too.

      Yes, being a realist is a good middle ground.

      Haha, well they always say you meet the one at the time you least expect it 😅

      1. Yes, I remember my parents having a massive argument over a 3-door wardrobe once because they couldn’t put it together between themselves, I picked up the screwdriver with a rational mind and put it together within the hour. I do think their marriage was toxic though and they both needed to learn to communicate better.

        Yep, I think optimists are too optimistic for me and pessimists are too pessimistic. Real realists are hard to come by haha.

        Oh yes, I was wearing a white gi and my hair was all messed up and Matt was like ‘hey”. I was like “are you for real?” He most certainly was lol.

        1. Well, I hope you meet more realists in the future lol. I generally seem to mostly reach pessimists but that’s fine by me 😅

  25. If you like, I can try to help you figure out the issues you’re having with WordPress. I’ve taken a lot of courses on it this year so we might be able to figure it out. Email me at brian@snarebox.com and we can figure out an easier way to communicate than blog comments. 😅

    Being comfortably detached from outcomes is an adult trait and I think it’s similar to what you describe as giving up on control. There are some things I want to be invested in the outcome of, such as projects at work, but most things in life don’t matter much in the long run do they?

    1. Wow, I really appreciate that. Like, honestly that’s so nice of you. If things don’t work out with the Happiness Engineer I’ll take you up on that offer but I think at least for now they’re trying to fix it after I kept bombarding them with emails 😅

      I agree, the older I get the more I am able to let go. And yes, most things don’t matter much in the long run. Or at all.

  26. I describe myself as an optimistic fatalist. It seems a pessimistic point of view to take, but for a perfectionist it’s actually optimistic! To flip it around and assume things will just happen as they will, but nevertheless to have plans and be perfectionist in my attempts to enact them, without expecting a perfect result. And then if they don’t work out I just go “I knew it”, whilst taking the credit when they do. Boom best of both worlds.

      1. It really makes me feel like a quitter when it shouldn’t. Letting go, quitting, and refocusing is some of the best choices I do.

  27. We can’t control everything. Some things are just the way they are. We have to learn to not to control the things that we can’t, but what we can control is how we look at things and how we feel about things, but not to worry or stress out about it. Let the universe control things that we cannot. We just have to learn to let things be, and to let them go.

  28. Being a perfectionist can become so tiring, coming from a perfectionist herself 😅 but the art to balance out all the negativity that comes with it is so hard, glad that you managed to prioritise yourself more, love it and relate to it so much! ❤

  29. That’s a correct approach Pooja, we should keep trying but something doesn’t go as planned then do not get disappointed. Rather handle it in a positive way; at the end everything happens for a reason 🫶🫶

  30. A pessimist is a disappointed optimist. I pray the whole WordPress thing gets fixed soon. Glad you’re learning to give up control and letting life unfold, it will definitely work out for the best.

  31. Terrific and amazing blog post Pooja. All I can say is good, you are doing good for deciding to let the universe take its toll and just accept things that are beyond your control. That’s life by the way, just move on because trying to fix it won’t help, just let things be and chill

    Also, I too have given up on searching for job(well for now) and writing daily, I get to feel lazy and that’s okay, I am just a human being and I too give up when the going gets rough but that doesn’t mean I will give up everything, when the time is right I will get back to the wagon and go again🙏🔥

    1. Thanks so much, really appreciate that. I’m trying to be as chill as I can be right now 😊

      Yeah, it’s okay to give up sometimes. When it’s going to happen it will happen. No point in stressing yourself out 🤷🏻‍♀️

    1. Thanks, I appreciate that. No one is really get emails except like a handful of people and they’re not doing much about it unfortunately. I appreciate you checking up on my blog.

  32. I actually just watched a video of a woman who refused to give up and met terrible fate. Since you know I regularly watch Asian news and this is from there. Anyway, this poor woman had a first love with a strong burly man of the same age. Then they separated. Later on, the woman moved to a big city and worked like crazy as a contractor for a landfill–I’ve heard several stories of people finding treasures in landfills. Anyway 20 years later, she was married with two kids and three companies. Then she connected with her first love again on social media. She divorced her husband and married her first love. Guess what? Only two years later, her first love killed her as he tried to get his hands on her money and she would not let him. The problem is that she should have given up on the old flame because people have changed–the young man she used to love no longer existed. He had grown into a heartless middle-aged man who loved money more than he loved her.

    1. That’s so sad. Yes, there are things we need to give up on in life no matter how much we want them. She should have stayed with her husband instead of throwing everything away for her first love. People change and he seemed to have changed for the worse.

  33. This is great! I also appreciate the clarification about remaining a pessimist. I was wondering whether you’d have to change the name of your blog.

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