Things I Never Said

I don’t know if you guys have noticed but over the last few weeks I have been slowly editing older posts to make them SEO friendly and just to kind of make them go with the whole vibe of my blog. As I mentioned in my first blogging journey post when I first started this blog I had a completely different idea for what it was going to be and over time it has evolved into something completely different. Of course, I am eternally grateful for what it has become now and I wanted to edit my older posts so that they go better with the new layout of my blog. As I mentioned in an earlier post my blog looked VERY different a few years and even just a few months back.

Anyway, before I digress too much, I was going through a lot of older posts and I realised I had a lot of drafts that I wrote but never published. I believe some were never published because they were quite personal and I wrote them just to write them not really with the intention of ever publishing them. Some I had written half way and then stopped for some reason. I probably just didn’t have time to finish them. And some I had written and kept ready to publish but I just forgot to publish them. 

This got me thinking about all the things that we mean to say but for some reason or the other we did not. Maybe it was a text that we had meant to send but then thought about it and decided not to send it or to send a very edited version of it. Maybe we were going to confront someone but decided to not to in the end and just ended up being the bigger person and letting it go. Maybe it was an email we were going to send for a job opportunity or something like that which we ended up not sending because we did not think we were good enough for it. Either way there is so much we don’t say. If you really think about it there is probably more that we don’t say than things we say. There are so many things we want to tell people. It could be someone in your family, a close friends, some you were friends with but have lost touch with, someone you were acquaintances with or merely even a stranger who stole your parking spot perhaps. 

I also started thinking about all the reasons we don’t say stuff and how that effects us. Yes, some of it is probably us being the bigger person and just knowing when something is worth speaking up about and when something is better off let unsaid. But some of it is also how we are conditioned by society to act in a certain way. In a lot of ways we cringe away from letting our true thoughts and feelings out because we’re taught that it’s not proper to be emotional or that emotions are a weakness. So many problems end up stemming from us being so repressed because even if you bottle up all your feelings at some point your bottle is going to overflow and those feelings are going to come pouring out. And when they do come out you won’t know how to deal with them because you never really dealt with them before- you just repressed them. 

All of this just makes me wonder how different my life and everyone’s life would have been had we said what we were thinking. What if we had confronted our childhood bullies? What if we had stood up to people in our lives? What if we had confronted the toxic people in our life and called them out for their behaviour? What if we had taken the chance and asked the person we liked out? What if we said something to the person who took your parking spot (I don’t know why that example is stuck in my head I don’t even drive…)? What if we had applied to our dream jobs even though we were under qualified for it?

Could you imagine how different your life would be right now if you had made different decisions and spoke up instead of staying silent during any event in your life where you chose not to say something? And it works both ways too. Like imagine how different your life would have been had you stayed silent instead of said something when you shouldn’t have? I know I have personally said a lot of stupid things I shouldn’t have and still occasionally (read frequently) tend to do so. 

I just keep thinking about all the things I never said to people. Some I wish I had said, some I still really want to say but I know I never will and some I am so thankful that for once I kept my giant mouth shut. There are so many messages I have written down and then deleted and there are so many things I have kept to myself when inside I wanted to yell it at someone while scratching them in the face (I have a bit of a temper…). I have always been a very passive person and I hate anything confrontation. It gives me anxiety and freaks me out. I’m also horrible at confronting people because I never find the right words to say and I always end up saying something stupid instead and then I regret it for the next decade or two. 

I want that to change though. I want to call people out more, be louder and just make my voice heard. I know that sometimes staying silent is the right thing to do and I will remain silent when it’s the best thing to do but I also don’t want to someday be like 40 and regret not saying something to someone that I really wanted to say. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be more vocal about my thoughts and feelings. 

I know this was kind of a random and weird post but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately especially over the last few days. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you guys because you guys always have something interesting to say about stuff like this and I always appreciate your input. If anyone knows any tips for how to be more vocal and assertive please let me know in the comments. I would really appreciate it. 

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Thoughts

Have you ever thought about this or something similar? Is there anything you wish you had said? Is there anything you wish you hadn’t said? Are you more of an aggressive or passive person?

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Side Note

Talking about being vocal reminded me that one of my favourite bloggers, Tiani, recently made a post and a YouTube video about her experiences with racism and microagressions and I think she did such a great job sharing her experiences. I just had to share it with you guys. As I said I want to use my voice more and I was really inspired seeing her use her voice. I’m sure this was difficult for her to share because it is not an easy topic to talk about especially as a WOC but like I said she expressed her self so well. You can check out her blog by clicking here. You can check out her video by clicking here. I would highly recommend checking out both. She shared these links on her post and I thought I would share them on mine too:

8 Petitions to Help the BLM Movement
30 BLM Petitions You Should Sign
Where to Donate

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