Disclaimer: This interview contains adult information and explicit content.
Helen and Matt are lovely people and I have really enjoyed chatting with Helen on this interview as well as through WP and email. I truly appreciate how supportive she has been of this blog and is just in general. If their blog is something you would be interested in do check it out- as always it will be linked below.
1. Thank you so much for being part of this interview. Please tell us a little about yourself and your blog,
Thankyou, Pooja, for interviewing us. We are Helen and Matt, a married, openly kinky couple in our thirties from Bristol in the United Kingdom. Normally, our blog is run by the two of us. However, for today, it’ll be just me, Helen, who answers your questions – with Matt’s involvement where necessary!
Two Kinky Cooks is essentially run by us, for our readers. We enjoy sharing, delighting and informing in a way that is relaxed, friendly and informal. We have a combination of different posts, from recipes and international snack tastings, through to mental health and thoughts on the coronavirus pandemic (from someone who worked for the NHS during the 2009 swine flu outbreak). We also talk BDSM, but with emphasis on kinky relationships that are more relaxed and informal than some others. Matt and I do away with a lot of the common formalities found in BDSM relationships (such as BDSM contracts and collars) and we have flung open the doors to invite our readers to come and see what we do, how relaxed and fun and normal we are, and maybe, just maybe, get some ideas on where and how they can get started for themselves!
2. What inspired you to start a blog?
Two Kinky Cooks was an idea that came about last year in the second UK lockdown. We were working through our Greek snacks tasting and I was talking to Matt about some of the frustrations and challenges that I’d faced over my years of blogging under previous names, especially as I was finding it so hard to manage the social media side of my blog as well, given that I’m not that much of a social media person! Matt offered to help and initially I refused him because it was supposed to be my blog, not our blog. However, later on in our tasting and our conversation, I joked that we were “essentially two kinky cooks”, and that was how it came to be! It went from a passing joke to a project, an ambition, something that we could try with Matt on board and it would be either sink or swim. We could keep bringing the international snack tastings and keep talking BDSM, too. I am proud to say that in just the three months that Two Kinky Cooks has been active, our blog has already been a growing success!
3. You have been writing about trying tasting new snacks which has been so fun to read about. What inspired you to start trying new snacks and sharing your adventures on your blog?
Initially, it probably started with watching Youtuber Emmymade, who we both love. Over time, I introduced Matt to other similar Youtube channels, like HiHo Kids, Dancing Bacons and my latest favourite, Tribal People Try. I used to watch those videos a lot and then Matt told me one day that he’d ordered a box from SnackCrate, and I just sort of shrugged it off. We tried the snacks and that was sort of that. The next time we had a box delivered, I thought I’d write about them on my blog because hey, I have a blog. Why not, right? It’s content. What I didn’t anticipate was it being a very popular post! Suddenly, it went from trying something once a month, to us both subscribing to two different boxes (we can’t agree over which snack box is better!) which we then try, photograph and share our views on every month. We also developed “Winner or Binner” for when we try the snacks, which was inspired by Dope Or Nope on YouTube. More recently, we also cooked up a recipe that had been sent to us from South Africa!
4. What has been your favourite snack to try so far and why?
Oh my goodness.. I think if we’re going by the ones that made me squeal with delight, then it’s the Dutch kaneelstok. For Matt, it was the Dutch stroopwafel.
Why? I defined the kaneelstok as “Christmas in a stick”. It has a sweet, creamy, crunchy centre, rolled in powdered cinnamon. The first time I tried it, it was just like I was walking through a snowy village at night with a Christmas market going on. I could almost taste the snow and the atmosphere of the market and Christmas itself, it was such an immersive experience. As for the stroopwafel, Matt loves the sweet, golden, chewy texture and the hint of cinnamon, which he says goes very well with a mug of hot coffee!
All that being said, I’m still madly in love with nougat from South Africa!
5. Your blog also discusses BDSM and other sexual content. It’s not always easy to talk about stuff like this- what made you decide to start a blog where you discuss topics that are sometimes thought of as taboo and do you get negative comments because of this content?
I’ve been in the BDSM community for almost 15 years now, and it’s been about 13 years for Matt. When I started out, I was very lucky in that I had some amazing mentors who kept me safe and were there to talk to about anything, any time that I needed. There were times that things were really messy, like a Dominant that sent me more than £200 worth of latex clothing that hadn’t been made to fit me. As a newcomer, that could have been a very awkward and scary experience, but my mentors were so great and even helped me get the stuff shipped back and formally end that relationship because I felt that he was a little (okay, a lot!) too much for me. After that, I sort of wanted to pay it forward by being here for the next generation of newcomers, and so on. Over time, the guidance given to newcomers is usually very typecast in a way and doesn’t quite coincide with what I was personally taught. Part of what I wanted to do was to create a blog where I could say “Hey! No! You don’t have to do X, Y or Z if you don’t want to!”, as I had always been taught. Of course we emphasise the really important matters like safety and consent (and safewords!), but when it comes to other areas that a lot of BDSM bloggers tell you you must have or must do (like Dominant hand signals and BDSM slave positions), we at Two Kinky Cooks have a very different teaching. We believe, and have been taught, that you should only have a collar or a contract in your kinky relationship if you want one. Don’t want one? That’s okay! We will talk you through lots of other ways to boost your communication to keep your relationship where you want it to be instead.
Have we received criticism? You know, BDSM is such a controversial topic, and some countries are far more strict about these topics than others. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t had some bad reactions to our blog, but mostly the reception to our work has been overwhelmingly positive. “Interesting”, “fun” and “cool” are words that I hear often, which is frankly very humbling.
Check out this post for more on criticisms about our lifestyle.
6. Has blogging helped you get out of your comfort zone more and try new things in the bedroom?
Mmm no, if anything, I would say the opposite. Not so long ago, I was following a lady who is quite involved in the Daddy Dom kink. It’s something that interested Matt, but after losing my biological father to cancer in 2019, I had a lot of issues with calling my husband “Daddy”. One of the other issues that I faced was the stereotype of the women in these Daddy Dom relationships- the baby talking, the love of colouring books and “stuffies”. I don’t have or do any of those things. I’m 32, and unless I’m being random and care-free (because that happens sometimes!), then I act my age, too. I’m much more comfortable being identified as a strong-willed submissive than as someone who is acting as an “age” that I’m not. It took quite some time, but I stuck to my guns and Matt now understands that it’s just not something that works for me.
7. What advice would you give someone who may want to try BDSM?
Read! Don’t do anything until you’ve learned the areas of the body you shouldn’t hit (the spine, the head, over the kidneys) and how to tie knots safely. I can’t emphasise this enough, if you don’t know what you’re doing and you just jump right in, you could KILL someone!
BDSM practitioners practice a lot before they perform acts on people. Practice spanking on a pillow until you feel confident in how you hold your hand and how much swing you give, and practice your knots by wrapping rope around a pole, even one out in the garden! How did I get so good at my square knots? I used to use them to secure the garden gate – fact!
When you do eventually play with your partner, make sure you have an agreed safeword and you both know and remember it. It doesn’t need to be complicated or fancy, If you use titles (Mistress, Sir etc), you could simply use their real name. A lot of people opt for the traffic light system, using “red” if there is a serious and urgent problem and “yellow” to mean “please slow down”.
Plan for aftercare. Your partner could have any number of reactions to your BDSM activities, so be ready for that. They might laugh, cry, fall asleep, be very snuggly or want to be left the hell alone for a few hours, so have some supplies to hand. Some wipes, a first aid kit (in case there are any accidental scrapes), some water and snacks and a blanket is usually a good starting point. Massage oil and scented candles (to help them relax!) Can be a nice touch, too.
Finally, keep communication open. Your first session won’t be perfect, so make sure you both have plenty of chances to talk and make it better for next time!
8. As someone who suffers from anxiety what advice would you give someone who may also be suffering from something similar?
Get therapy! Seriously, I cannot emphasise that enough. I was scared of therapy too at one time, and even more about the costs of it, but I was able to get ten sessions of CBT therapy for free through the NHS. Medication is okay, but I experienced a whole host of side effects on medication and some of them were truly horrible. I’m not ashamed of that saying I’ve been in therapy three times in my life. I’m not in any way messed up, but I was bullied at school and started believing what the bullies were saying, but therapy helped me find confidence in myself. In 2013, I tried group therapy for OCD but that wasn’t intensive enough, so I had ten sessions, one-on-one CBT therapy. You don’t lay on a couch and it’s okay to get upset. By about my third session, I felt really confident that I wasn’t going completely mad and I could really fight the monster!
Understand HALT, that’s Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness. These are the four reasons that most people feel anxious. If you can identify the cause, then you can think about a solution. Are you hungry? Have a bite to eat. Are you angry? Try meditation. You can see where I’m going with this?
Keep a journal. No matter what you write, just write, every day if you need to! I found that once I wrote them down, my obsessive thoughts seemed random and even stupid, but when you’re ruminating on them, they can feel all-consuming! I just write on Google Docs, but you could try something encrypted like Penzu, if you prefer.
Lastly, a little ASMR hurt nobody 😉 We all need to feel comforted and consoled sometimes!
9. What is your favourite food?
We were jointly agreed on Gousto’s Aromatic Si Lankan Chicken Curry, even without any discussion on this question. It’s easy to cook and it’s delicious, too!
10. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
That has to be Cornwall! We get down to Cornwall and we just change as people. The wind is all up in your hair and you feel so rugged and alive. It’s a far cry from a tropical paradise, but if you like wild and rugged, it’s perfect. It’s oddly romantic with all of the historic castles and defences and the tin mines are awesome to check out, too. You can’t actually go into them most of them, but they’re still interesting to look at and take pictures of. Can I also recommend a visit to the sundial on top of the cliffs in Perranporth? There’s just so much to see and do. It’s no wonder we love it down there!
11. What was your favourite subject in high school?
Matt’s a wartime history geek, I was a science nerd. I may or may not have been sad enough to doodle electron diagrams when I was bored.. Hey, at least I turned out okay!
12. Thanks again and please feel free to add anything you would like to share with the readers.
Thankyou for interviewing us, Pooja! I think really, the only thing I’d like to say is that, please don’t think kinky people are in any way weird or broken or have anything wrong with them, mentally. The BDSM community are very resolute about the importance of consent and everything that we do to one another is done with the enthusiastic consent of everyone involved. We have a motto – Safe, Sane, Consensual – which means to say that everything we do is done safely, it’s done sensibly, and everyone who is involved is agreed for it to happen. We are not freaks and weirdos, we are just normal people who do occasionally strange-looking things, but we do love normal things, too! On Two Kinky Cooks, one of the things that we really wanted to encompass is that we share a love for BDSM and we share a love forgood food too, like plenty of normal people do. It’s all about the senses and for us and many kinky people alike, the two can and do cross over. If you’re into one and curious about the other, come say hi! We don’t bite. Even if you’re into one and not into the other, come say hi anyway because we’d love to share our recipes and really interesting snack reviews with you.
Finally, if you would like to interview us for your blog, please do drop us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will see what we can do. Thankyou for reading about us!
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